Author Mafia - Game Over!

[HP Lovecraft]

Diary Entry 6

We have another woman in our midst. Despite the female gender's well-known magpie predisposition towards luminous trinkets and their curious fainting spells, I look forward to interacting with this one. Her first act was to shew us her writing, which focused on a curious desire to

mingle

with males of daemonic species and be willingly imprisoned in their torture chambers. Her writing fills me with nameless dread, not to mention visceral disgust, and I look forward to reading more of it.

[EL James]

As I entered the dumbstruck room, I instantly went through a flashback where Christian sucked my thumb--

all night long.

"You'll need to give me some time gentlemen" I said as he started to uncloathe myself and find good areas for me to pleasure the cast of authors, one of them being me.

[EL James]

I started reading what the kind Lovecraft had given me. It was then I started to realize my purpose there wasn't what I believed it was at first. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with the paper--but I gave it my best shot. It's nothing as good as Twilight though.

Kid didn't have a whole lot to go on. Decided to just vote the person he'd have the most trouble understanding. Not really fair, but better than nothin.

As I read this, I felt something struck the wrong way. It felt like the first time Christian touched me. While I was fine with it and it was pleasurable, it was uncomfortable doing his dirtiest desires. But alas, it reminded me of the first time, so it's a minor disturbance to me.

Most of the rabble after this session seems to be random and erratic. I'm not too good at this stuff but again, I'll give it my best shot.

I started reading the Daily Bugle on the newspaper. It's nothing like the Seattle Times, but it'll do. I mainly read the Wanted Jobs since I know that Christian isn't around here. I need the money as well. I'm not sure if there's rent at the place I'm staying at but I'm pretty poor. In any case, I noted the part where people were citing suspicion of David Mamet. I'm waiting for an answer in the next issue for sure.

I then heard an odd voice in the air. The kid that didn't talk apparently had some godlike figure helping out. Why couldn't the "God" that's here just giving him a voice? I wonder and digress at the same time. According to these logs I have, the narrator stated:

Mamet's maybe got a vote or two more than the others, but it was nothing big.

However I have to wonder--how was it not that big? Miss Austen, Mr. Kaufman, Mr. Snicket, and Mr. Pynchon have all personally decided to cast suspicion onto Mr. Mamet. So while it could just be sarcastic suspicion for the intent of drawing a certain aspect of his being, rather than his roleplay, out there seems to be something larger. Especially when that's 4 names out of 24. A good sixth of the game on the second page of these logs. The timing and the number seem a tad bit off, no?

The worst part about this occasion is that the Bugle apparently gains "scumcredit" for these actions. Well, if he does die in the future, I want dibs on his body--I could get some cash there in this rough economy. I'd also like to note that while Mr. Mamet's attempt at making a love story is formittable--it is nothing in comparison with Meyer's masterpiece

Twilight

.

I'm also very suspicious that Mr Pynchon, while in the midst of controversy in the 48th post, decided not to talk about said controversy. Perhaps he has some sort of nondisclosure agreement and doesn't want to talk about it for that reason? I'd understand that. Christian was the same way about his reputation. However, Christian was never charged with the possibility of murder...

Upon reading Mr. Poe's assessment of the Bugle "wagon" thus far(why is it called a wagon? It seems like such an old term now. May we call it an SUV? Or something more modern?) I enjoyed seeing continued support of Mrs. Bradley. I wasn't too sure if she was suspectful due to her unconclusive posts but I had a bad feeling. At least it certainly wasn't a good feeling that I usually had.

Mr. Pynchon still, at least to my knowledge, hasn't addressed the Daily Bugle fiasco. I could give him some motivation for it, if he would please.

In addition, "God" made a picture of Edgar Allen Poda appear. He sort of looks like...Yoda? Does this mean that this God controls the Force? If so, how many midiclorians does he have? I digress though in the instance that I feel that "God" is not following his own commands. While I find this to a fine thing to do, since Christian did it twice, I feel it is maligned in these circumstances.

And now, as I read the inner thoughts of Mr. Kaufman who seems to be a tad bit insane...which is a bit...attractive to say the least, I wonder where the Austen wagon starts. However, that shall be for a later time as I realize that I need some alone time. Christian gets off work around this time and will be wondering where his bitch is and it's always good for me to hear his voice while--well I won't get too down and dirty with the details since I'm already not supposed to say this much. I hope none of you know Mr. Grey well or I shall truly be fucked.

[Gregory Williamson]

A Rebuttal's Pantoun

In his writing,
His rest risked, Ed
A Poe, is

How

sure of prizes?

A poet
Is restricted
In his writing?
How surprising

[Gregory Williamson]

Riddles - Part the Second

4.
A disappearing act,
A villainous tact,
A debatable fact?

[Gregory Williamson]

Spoiler: Answers

4.

A.

A solitary post

B.

Nefarious motivations at work

C.

Mark Z Danielewski

D.

Disappointing

[Thomas Pynchon]

I'd been away for awhile while the company slowly simmered. Waiting. It was easy though, God was glaring at me for not coming out and explaining myself as much as he'd like . . . . yawning, leaning, drowsily, I told the big man that I voted for Bradley for the reason that he pointed out and that my vote stayed there because of her lurking and doing nothing and I'd still be happy to lynch her, but that I got bored of just sitting there after awhile and put my vote on ee for doing nothing, but still posting.

I'm also very suspicious that Mr Pynchon, while in the midst of controversy in the 48th post, decided not to talk about said controversy.

But it is already light. How long had it been light? The arrival of the paper woke many to an asymmetric attention - Poe escaped the jeers Seuss directed to the Bugle for it's comments. I also think that Mamet's attack on the Bugle based on the suggestion that the Bugle knows his alignment is a massive exaggeration, and similar reasoning, reveals him to be scum, for knowing that there is one scum team. None of this makes me want to run out into the street or warn the others.

[Gertrude Stein]

The G Williamson is talking chatting mystifying obfuscating with his odd words and sophomoric Riddles. Just as a Bad Person would attempt try endeavour. There exist a finite group of Bad Persons which we are tasked with ferreting finding seeking revealing.

I have but one vote two votes three no no just one vote. It shall remain in place.

[James Joyce]

The G Williamson is talking chatting mystifying obfuscating with his odd words and sophomoric Riddles. Just as a Bad Person would attempt try endeavour. There exist a finite group of Bad Persons which we are tasked with ferreting finding seeking revealing.

I have but one vote two votes three no no just one vote. It shall remain in place.

I have dined on enough obfuscation meeseld. Eye The Mand Clara Tea!

[Lemony Snicket]

Firstly, I do not like his interaction with myself. For one thing, he started off rather soft spoken and sympathetic whilst talking to me. Upon a continue push, he starts almost getting aggravated, and seems to contrive this criminal-read on me simply in an attempt to counter my stance. It just does not seem genuine.

Even though I seemed "soft-spoken," I still could not understand the motivations for your first line of questions. My vote on Mamet was not unfounded, especially in that state of our miserable meeting. I thought maybe style was muddling, a word which here means confusing, our communications and I was misunderstanding you or perhaps vice-versa. But when you posted post 69, I realized you were lying about my actions.

Secondly, and somewhat corresponding with the first, is I do not like how he first attacked Miss Austen, and then followed to agree with her and black-mark me. Both Austen and himself have done this, this almost “contrived” stance against me to attempt to persecute me for my beliefs. It can, however, come to mean that Mr. Snicket hath suspected me for some time, and desired to determine Miss Austen’s alignment, and then upon finding out she is innocent, decided to go after my head again. However, I do believe this is giving too much credit, and is assuming way too much. If Mr. Snicket would please expand on the topic, I would by a happy man

Are you suggesting that my suspicions of Austen are related to my suspicions of you and vice versa? They are not. Really, the idea confuses me as it does when I receive a letter from my long-lost love Beatrice once every two weeks. I suggested that you were a criminal in post #90, which was before Austen did. Although a vote did not come until after, it is still, as I said in the post where I voted you, for those very same reasons in post #90, not because of the opinions of Austen or others.

In short, I am not "agreeing with Austen," as you say. I have come to my own conclusion about you and did so well before she did.

[David Foster Wallace]

yrstruly I do gots to be sorry fer bein so little in dis thread, but yrstruly has ben havin' hisself a relaps n his addikshun, jus wanted to say dat Pinchy Tom P is still runnin' wit my town crew, n so be Lemon Snickers an de lord G-d my man hisself which yrstruly is happy to say, n one more dat be JJoyce, yrstruly I hav ben seein' more thru the confushon of his posts n he's aktually got his hed clear (sumthin an addik like yrstruly admires)

an let me yrstruly remind all de scums me n my crew wegonna fuck up your map, yeswewill, pretty soon yrstruly I will have figgered out all de towns n den there will be no wear to hide

(but for srs mister Poe yrstruly I gots to commend yr effort, still scum but mor ppl shud do de same)

[William Shakespeare]

 I, ii 
        
 [Enter] Shakespeare. 
SHAKESPEARE
  'Tis time to work through yonder evidence.
         
 Readeth Thread 
  Sir Williamson beseeches us for votes.
    Now by my troth, were I a murdrous one
  I'd not so purposelessly seek support.
    My colleague Marlowe lacks both wit and harm
  For pressure is a 'vestigative goal
    A paragon Joyce in his strangeness seems;
  His fervor and his efforts like him well.
    But David Foster Wallace is no saint!
  How typically he builds his vote for Poe.
    I sense a mind of real substantial skill.
  I sense this mind intends substantial ill.
      
 Voteth David Foster Wallace

[Exit.]

[David Foster Wallace]

AN ANONYMOUS¹⁶ CRITIQUE RECEIVED AS AN EDITORIAL BY THE BOSTON GLOBE, 17 OCTOBER YEAR OF THE DEPEND ADULT UNDERGARMENT

"A Soliloquy, Contradictory"

If I may be so bold as to wade through the archaic language of our modern Shakespeare, it appears his most recent scene would have benefited from more time in revisions.¹⁷ He opens with a thought on G. Williamson as follows:

Sir Williamson beseeches us for votes.    
    Now by my troth, were I a murdrous one  
  I'd not so purposelessly seek support.

The gist here is that Williamson is deemed innocent for beseeching votes. And yet, though reading the thread is in the stage directions, there is reason to doubt the playwright actually took the time to do so¹⁸ because his ending verse impugns D.F.W.¹⁹, whose works require merely a cursory read²⁰ to see the inclusion of multiple examples of the selfsame activity he would label Williamson town for. The work simply does not make internal logical sense.

16. Most readers deduced the identity of the author by the inclusion of the Enfield Tennis Academy as a return address to be David Foster Wallace himself, though a small but not statistically insignificant enclave of loyal readers in Brighton hold that it was authored by John Wayne.
17. It is inferred here that the author refers to content and not style, which critics widely agree is impeccable.
18. Or more likely, he did take the time, but disregarded his findings in favor of manufactured positions
19. In a vague and unsatisfactory way. Sr Shakespeare, I beg of thee, uncouple yourself from your couplets, if only for a couple of minutes, and give a straightforward explanation.
20. Display posts by user: David Foster Wallace

[Jane Austen]

Mod: May I ask you to provide a vote count?

William Shakespeare: Are you voting DFW for his vote on Poe, if so what has changed your mind about for

your

vote is rather delayed as just an alacritious first reaction; I find Mr Wallace's vote a vote of some excellence, and demonstrative of a mind of sharp forethought.

[EL James]

I walked into the room tired. Last night was fabulous. I've already said more than I can though, so I'll just wink at the kind gentlemen who I had a nice evening with. I'm still here but I just a little slow at the moment.

[Thomas Pynchon]

On page eight and with just four days to go this party was slowly coming to a stop. It needed a second wind. On the kitchen floor amid a litter of champagne fifths with at least a weak air of townie America about them were David Foster Wallace, Edgar Allan Poe, James Joyce, Lemony Snicket, Charlie Kaufmann, Oscar Wilde, Gregory Williamson, Gertrude Stein, Tommy Wiseau, Jane Austen, EL James, The Daily Bugle, Brian Jacques, God, Rucks. In the living room Shakespeare, Bret Easton Ellis, ee cummings, Marion Zimmer Bradley sat over a speaker, bolted to a waste paper basket, listening to old songs from Southern Italy while loading their guns. Several boring, lazy, do nothings Christopher Marlowe, Moliere, Dr. Seuss, Mark Z. Danielewski sat passed out in chairs, the bathtub and, in one case, the bathroom sink.

[OscarWilde]

Wilde suppressed a yawn. "The hour grows late, and we must reach a conclusion before it is time to retire to our respective quarters."

Reviewing the cases presented, he commented. "I'm not entirely certain about the case on Bradley. We may be better suited to focus our attentions on cummings and Marlowe. Of what I have seen, they have given me the most cause for concern."

[Edgar Allan Poe]

On the kitchen floor amid a litter of champagne fifths with at least a weak air of townie America about them were David Foster Wallace, Edgar Allan Poe, James Joyce, Lemony Snicket, Charlie Kaufmann, Oscar Wilde, Gregory Williamson, Gertrude Stein, Tommy Wiseau, Jane Austen, EL James, The Daily Bugle, Brian Jacques, God, Rucks. In the living room Shakespeare, Bret Easton Ellis, ee cummings, Marion Zimmer Bradley sat over a speaker, bolted to a waste paper basket, listening to old songs from Southern Italy while loading their guns. Several boring, lazy, do nothings Christopher Marlowe, Moliere, Dr. Seuss, Mark Z. Danielewski sat passed out in chairs, the bathtub and, in one case, the bathroom sink.

I agree with much you say good sir. And I do truly believe that the best course of action at this hour is to send Madame Bradley to the gallows. I would also not mind Marlowe, Moliere, Ellis, nor Shakespeare however. I do, however, mind ee cummings, and see no evidence to condemn him, as I noted in my journal.

@MOD: Our gracious host, if I may speak to thee for a second. It is pressing matters that we must do

something

about those who have seemed to vanish from our companionship, nay? Ignoring the cold hard truth will not make matters better, I fear.

[Charlie Kaufman]

EXT. CAFE - LUNCHTIME

The sun is shining. Charlie Kaufman huddles over half a sandwich and a bowl of broccoli and cheddar soup, scarfing it down like it is the last meal he'll ever have. Across from him sits GWEN WOODARD, a tall woman with blonde hair in her early 30's. She carries a sort of sisterly charm about her.

GWEN WOODARD

Jesus, Charlie, you act like you haven't eaten in days!

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

I really haven't. I've had... uhh... pretzels. And some pop. Yeah.

GWEN WOODARD

And that's it?

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

Yeah, that's all. Oh wait, no, I had some trail mix too.

There's a lull in the conversation and Charlie uses it to shovel more soup into his mouth. Some drips down his face. He doesn't notice.

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

It's just... eh... this script I'm writing. It's tough. I can't seem to crack the source material. I can't--

Charlie is interrupted by Gwen reaching across the table, dabbing away some of the leftover soup from his chin.

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

--thank you-- I'm a mess, Gwen. I don't know I can do this. Every time I sit down to read this damn thing I just, I can't do it. There are so many little subtleties that I don't get, and by the time I'm done with one page, I end up forgetting what I've read. It's really dense, Gwen.

Gwen smiles up at him.

GWEN WOODARD

Well...why don't you try writing it one page a time, then?

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

I can't do that. It's too--

GWEN WOODARD

Just try, Charlie. You don't even have to write it down, you can just... take notes. In your own voice. Help you remember when you write.

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

Maybe. I don't know, Gwen.

CUT TO:

INT. CHARLIE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Charlie sits on his couch with a few scattered lamps lit up around his living room. In front of him, his out of date IBM Thinkpad laptop sits, tuned to the Author Mafia thread. He has a pitcher of water on the coffee table, and a pen and legal pad in his hand.

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

Okay, Gwen, let's hope you're right about this.

Charlie starts to read, from page one, scribbling down words and thoughts as they pop into his head:

page 1

- jane austen votes god for bullshit reasoning, poe does the same. must be a joke. joke. jane austen as a joker? seems unrealistic.
- not them, everyone. wallace, snicket, seuss all talk nonsense. first page is unusuable in the screenplay. garbage. utter garbage.
- bugle is eager to move things along. i think this casts him in a good light, yes
- mamet still a villain, still overblown and bombastic and exaggeratory

page 2

- joyce is unintelligible. can't get him. he's psychotic. good thing or bad thing? good characters.
- Daily Bugle still good, must be good, don't know how others see him as bad. prod further
- cannot seemes too remember and think i don't need to contineehuelsssss

The pen and notebook fall to the floor. Charlie collapses onto the side of the couch, exhausted and dead asleep. The source material had put him to sleep, and he knew he was running out of time to show the studios some kind of progress... but for now... sweet dreams abound...

INT. COSMIC SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM - CHARLIE'S HEAD - THERE IS NO TIME, FOOLS

Charlie Kaufman has grown a third arm and a second head and he charges down a corridor and stars and planets and black holes and alien giraffes all whir past him. Two of his hands flail about wildly, as if on a roller coaster, while the third hand fires a SILVER BLASTER PISTOL wildly into the air. The seemingly endless lightspeed warp tunnel comes to an abrupt end as he stands face to face with a hulking, ugly, green abomination with six tits and seven pussies, and all thirteen sexual organs are lactating. The monster, he knows, is named EL James.

EL JAMES

WAAAAAAROBBBLLGGLEE!!!!

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

What unintelligible drivel!

Charlie fires a shot from his silver lazer blaster gun and she blows up and she spews little bits of green gunk all over the place and Charlie laughs wildly as the space tunnel speeds him off to a new location. He whips around planets and shinies until he arrives at the END OF THE UNIVERSE. It is nothingness, completely black.

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

Hello!?

His yells return nothingness. He is lost, alone, unsure. He screams out into the blackness again.

CHARLIE KAUFMAN

Can

anyone

fucking tell me what's happening here!?

There is nothing but silence yelling back, but Charlie waits and hopes for some voice of divine reasoning to point him in the right direction.

[Edgar Allan Poe]

Good gentlemen, ladies, and friends,
I greatly urge thee all for haste,
For it is very near that this assembly ends,
And we cannot ignore the task we are faced.

Share a last a many a word,
For whose blood shall the gallows taste,
Be thou a first, a second, a third,
Matters not for time is treading to waste.

[Rucks]

Kid was left feelin hollow. Things were too slow. Too quiet. Hard to get a good idea on anyone.

Kid wanted Ellis dead the most, but the hour was gettin late. Still - he had to wonder if maybe that wasn't the correct time. 25 days, 23 days, 17 days. The time of adjourning was assuming rule 14 was in effect, but unless Kid was misremembering what that Lovecraft fella had said from the start, Rule 14 wasn't even in the same world as workin. What were the rules here? Kid wasn't rightly sure.

He still wanted Ellis's blood. He'd settle for Zimmer Bradley or Marlowe if it came to that. For now, he mostly wanted Lovecraft to step in and let him in on what exactly was happening.

Good folks: Poe, Joyce, Snickett, Wilde, Kauffman. About in that order.

[Mark Z Danielewski]

VOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

VOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

VOTE: Vote Brian Jacques
VOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

kill it kill it kill it kill it kill it

Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

VOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

VOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

VOTE: Vote Brian JacquesVOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

VOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

Vote Brian Jacques

VOTE: Vote Brian JacquesVOTE: Vote Brian Jacques

David Foster Wallace is town.

[Edgar Allan Poe]

OOC: V/LA for a couple of days.

[James Joyce]

Charlie Kaufmann

UNfriquingreadable. Gawd I hate tea a tur. Only mean ingful weirds are:

page 1
- jane austen votes god for bullshit reasoning, poe does the same. must be a joke. joke. jane austen as a joker? seems unrealistic.
- not them, everyone. wallace, snicket, seuss all talk nonsense. first page is unusuable in the screenplay. garbage. utter garbage.
- bugle is eager to move things along. i think this casts him in a good light, yes
- mamet still a villain, still overblown and bombastic and exaggeratory

page 2
- joyce is unintelligible. can't get him. he's psychotic. good thing or bad thing? good characters.
- Daily Bugle still good, must be good, don't know how others see him as bad. prod further
- cannot seemes too remember and think i don't need to contineehuelsssss

Gonna say tow one on dis wan.

David Foster Wallace

Sum wun in Telliji bowl. Fine, ally! TOWN.

Jane Austen

Righter of a nest prose. Dose nut steel ore kill at nights.

Edgar Allan Poe

He bee friend. Fell, oh citizen!

EL James

Sexy sexy sexy I want to eat your brown potatoes EL James you hear me?

Gertrude Stein

The Island of Lesbos lost an out standing citizen. Their loss is our gain. Votes against God and Jane Austen were written in the starzzzz.

Lemony Snicket

Me likey mucho gracias.

Lord God

Morals cannot be questioned.

Oscar Wilde

Holy buggery! This bugger is OK in my book.

Rucks

Looking at the big pique sure, I wish him dead no longer. I regret my earlier ass, sessement. I see the err, or of my ways.

Thomas Pynchon

A nest sit, is zen!

@@@@@@@@@@@ GOAL POST @@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Gregory Williamson

Kud bee a right.

John The Baptist Poke Lynn

Bah wah wah. Note mush, but nuteral.

Marion Zimmer Bradley

Unimp Pressive.

The Daily Bugle

Is this printed on leaves made of cabbage? Is this a monthly? An almanach, published yearly? BURN ITS IDLE PRESSES! It started so well. The news are very stale now.

Tommy Wiseau

Wants to strangle Austen for doob. Eeyus raisins.

William Shakespeare

Bard passes smell test, and farts.

@@@@@@@@@@@ GOAL POST @@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Bret Easton Ellis

Izz scum. Two voats 4 Dddddddddddddjane Austen. ???? . AND, and I mean, AND, an FOS 4 guess who? Jane Austen. Hiz Light Rapture is tote all rub ish. RUBBISH! On porpoise to con, fuse, da citizenry.

Brian Jacques

Loves two hear him self talk, loves to read himself write, his words speak of naught. Vooootes cummings, unvote cummings. Then, void.

Christopher Marlowe

Poets, pwets, poo wets, SCUM! Rye Ming is scum. Lure King is scum. Versus are scum. Lure King since 16.

David Mamet

OOC: Yep, two midterms Friday. I'll be active afterwards.

OOC: I know my activity level is abhorrent but I am producing and acting in and teching and am president of the group that is putting up a play this weekend so I am literally swamped. I promise promise promise I will be active come Sunday night. I should probably just state V/LA

So V/LA until Sunday

Luck! Lure King Scum!

Dr. Seuss

Van isht octo berfourth.

ee cummings

Allnun, sense, nutty venanote.

Mark Z Danielewski

Two posts, one month apart. Obfuscater extraordinaire. KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

[Thomas Pynchon]

Unvote
Vote: Bret Ellis