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"With night falling at the Bada Bing, the assorted government agencies are doing everything they can to keep the level of bloodshed to a minimum. The American Historical Society has now dispatched a SWAT Team to the scene, claiming that the strip club rests on an ancient Native American burial ground. In 1977, an alleged haunting occurred there, which later became the basis for the pornographic film "Debbie Does A Ghost." This brings the number of law enforcement agencies at the Bada Bing to six, as well as numerous not-for-profit charities and community outreach groups. Earlier today, the Christian Coalition arrived in tanks borrowed from the Salvation Army, but they were quickly outgunned by soldiers representing the Monsanto Corporation..."

flavor and flip in about 90 minutes

"Wait," says Loud Serene, "Let's not be hasty."

"NO!" shouts AngryPidgeon, "They've chosen for me to die. I don't care if I die today, but I'll be god damned if I'm going alone!"

"Jesus Christ!" says Loud Serene, taking cover while AngryPidgeon tracks him with the explosives launcher. "Don't just stand there, get him!"

"Hold on, now," says Lady Serene, "Let's see where he's going with this."

"When you get to hell, tell them AngryPidgeon sent you!" He shouts, firing the rocket at Loud Serene.



"Boy, am I glad I didn't try to fire THAT thing myself!" says the Loud Serene.

"Right?" says Lady Serene, snickering.



"Yeah," says Smart Serene, "the FBI has cut the power to the building."

"Damn," says Lady Serene, "we're so close to the end. You bunch can try and get some sleep. We're gonna work on the generator."

Says Reverend Insincere: "The Gastro-Enterologist was probably the only one among you with anything close to a medical degree. I mean, sure, he may have gotten his degree from Blugger State Community College, and of course he was the subject of multiple malpractice suits. But listen, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have doing my colonoscopy. And now he's gone. Who am I going to go to now for my exam? Thanks alot, now I'm going to get colon cancer. I hope you people get warts."

[The prisoners are awakened by the sound of cursing, as well as that of boots meeting metal repeatedly. There's a sputter, then another, then finally the generator kicks in. It chugs to life, bringing the lights on in the basement. Loud Serene and Lady Serene are standing next to the generator, smiling proudly and covered in what is hopefully motor oil. Smart Serene has been attaching an intricate tripwire to the basement door. Lady Serene looks over the remaining prisoners, and sees fferylt lying in a pool of blood. Reverend Insincere shrugs it off, he's pretty blasé by now.]

"And then there were three," says Lady Serene. "This will be the final day of the experiment."

"Which is for the better, really," says Loud Serene, "Pretty sure the SWAT team is going to breach and shoot us today anyhow."

"Nah," says Smart Serene, "The carbon monoxide from that piece of shit generator will probably kill us all before the cops get a chance."

[Loud Serene, looking more despondent than usual, turns on the television.]

"...Hour 36 of the standoff at the Bada Bing. To recap, police have positively identified the remains of a number of bodies in a nearby unmarked mass grave. Among the dead were multiple gunshot and strangulation victims, as well as one victim that had been partially eaten. You may remember that the situation started when police were tipped off by a jogger who found a body which had been unceremoniously dumped under a tree..."

[Smart Serene and Lady Serene look over at Loud Serene.]

"What?" says Loud Serene, "You guys were out of town! For fuck's sake, you know how hard it is to drag those bodies around by yourself?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," says Lady Serene, "The end is near. Our important work has almost come to a close."

"Yes," says Smart Serene, "I've already been hard at work preparing to... collate the data from this experiment."

"And if we die before the end?" asks Loud Serene.

"We won't," says Lady Serene, "But just in case..."

[Lady Serene turns toward the three remaining prisoners, her semi-automatic in her hand. She glares icily at her hostages.]

"Try and make it quick," she says, with all the compassion and heart of a feasting shark.

[And then there were three. Although the SWAT team was probably right now preparing to breach the basement (which would soon be filled to the brim with deadly carbon monoxide gas due to the generator), the game was not over. Day has begun.]

[Reverend Insincere stands before the weary, gray-faced basement dwellers, human, rodent, and arthropod alike. He's distracted by a small portable television.]

"Friends and... miscellaneous... We're gathered here today to... what are you doing? Drop back and pass! The Drunken sports fan has gone on into the Lord's lovi--- no, dammit, run around the blitz--- Truly he loved life and--- Damn you Flacco, just throw the damn ball! Throw it!--- We're all sadder and less full of life for having lost--- Throw it! YES! YES! TOUCHDOWWWWNNNN WHOOOOOOO! PRAISE JESUS THEY'VE COVERED THE SPREAD! THIRTY FIVE HUNDRED BIG ONES AHAHAHAHAHAHA"

[Reverend Insincere jumps up and down, rushing to call his bookie.]

vote: Titus