Worst role ideas?

[Primate]

Reminds me of this, from kains last mini. (this was actually in a real game)

I'm not going to bother phrasing it in a shorter way, but this was my role:

Emily the Seductive Part time College Student- you are one hot college girl grrrrrr grrrr grrrrrr!!!! Yes you are!Mmmm! The initiative for the sorority that you want to join is to get one of the missionaries sent home or at least transferred out of your city because of you. The only problem is all the ones that you have met so far are too strong to be seduced by you. Now you are searching for one that is weak and can be wooed by your tantalizing offers. During the day if you believe that you have found someone who is a LDS Missionary you have the option to seduce him during the nighttime. If you choose to do this and have successfully selected a missionary then the missionary will be transferred and you will follow him out of town (in other words you both are out of the game- the missionary has lost and you have won). If the person you have selected during the night time is not a Missionary you will reject him as you as so not interested; nothing negative will happen the first two times this happens. If you have not selected a missionary the third time you try you grow so frustrated that you will give up your quest of entering the sorority and you leave town for Vegas with this last person you selected. You were getting lonely and the third time is the charm after all. (You both are out of the game and have lost the game). If in the event that you attempt to seduce someone who is not seducible( this means that there is at least one person who cannot be seduced) then you will be so stunned that you were rejected that you will be silenced( POST RESTRICTED) down to 1 post( you can make it as long or short as you wish) including your vote for the upcoming mafia day. PM each night you wish to seduce. In your efforts to be so close to the missionaries it puts you at risk to be baptized. You have a 10% of baptism every weekend (night). Oh yeah and as a college student you probably should go to the town’s only bookstore everyday for some books. Each mafia day you choose to go to the bookstore you will read some Anti Mormon literature foisted upon you by the bookstore owner. By doing so it will eliminate that 10% chance of getting baptized during the night. PM me during the mafia day if you wish to go to the Bookstore. You win the game by successful seducing a missionary and becoming a member of the sorority you want to join so badly. You may not attempt to seduce during night zero. If day five dawns and you have not found a missionary then you are going to be denied admission into the sorority, therefore you will move to another college. Thus you leave town and the game ends for you in not a victory.

[Zindaras]

I hate you, Primate. I was just about to post that exact same post.

I got to play with that role. Awesome, huh? >.>

[Shanba]

Holy crap.

[Mirth]

Its impossible for the Priest to win if there is a Die-Hard Athiest

Actually, it's pretty near impossible for the Priest to win without a Die-Hard Athiest because the mafia can still go around killing people and its nt particularly likely the mafia will hit a convert night one. Also, since the priest doesn't know who gets converted or not, or whether he unconverts them, there'll probably never be a chance for everyone to be Christian.

For the college student one, you could break it even more. Throw in some fundmentalist polygamous Mormons that make her another wife on seducation for loss purposes. Or throw in other fun missionary sects like Jesuits. Or let there be an option of catching STDs for incorrect seduction ^_^

As to Anglicans, I can't really make a role that mocks them, since I've never met any, I don't think. Since I've known lots of Catholics, religious Jews (which reminds me, I'll write an evil one for the Jews as well), and Hindus (can't really make fun of them, as they've never insulted my lack of religion), but not so much anyone else. I'm sure I could write "fun" roles for Buddhists and Muslims too, but I'm very unfamiliar with any protestant Christian sects.

[Thestatusquo]

Glork: Paragon. Protown. If you do not find scum day one, you will die during twilight. *Finding scum constitutes being on the wagon of a scum member who is lynched.

[Max]

You are a religious missionary you wish to make all other people your religion as you are also a good friend of the head of church you mindwash all people in you religion to vote someone. You win when anything happens which makes everyone in your town your religion...

Oh yeah you lose if anyone in your religion dies

What you claim is what you get

: Whatever you claim you henceforth have that power there is also a mafia one of these he is your sibling both his scum buddies have to kill you... Quick claim unnightkillable

[Prof. Guppy]

Repentant Scum:

Initally Pro-mafia, but if all other mafiosi are killed, can claim repentance and becomes pro-town. Loses if killed, no matter what.

[Mirth]

Here's one on the religious side:

You are an

Orthodox Jewish Hausfrau

. Every night you have to go food shopping for your large family of 92 children. Send the mod a PM with which other player's shop you'd like to visit. Only be careful, you can only by kosher food. So if you visit the shop of a player who isn't Jewish, G(m)od will strike you down. You also can't visit the same player's shop twice in a row, as they need time to restock. During the day, you must throw in at least one Yiddish expression into every post, or be modkilled.

[Yosarian2]

Repentant Scum:

Initally Pro-mafia, but if all other mafiosi are killed, can claim repentance and becomes pro-town. Loses if killed, no matter what.

So...dosn't he just win by claiming and backstabbing his last remaining scum-buddy at a key moment?

[NabakovNabakov]

Yos, I don't think you've gotten a handle on the title of the thread yet.

You are a

Marxist

along with Player XXXX in Game YYYY, Player ZZZZ in game OOOO, Player AAAA, in Game BBBB... (and so on for about 12 more games). You may talk with other members of The Party if both your games are in night at the same time. For every day a member of the Party survives in a game, one Revolution Point is added to the communal score. If the Party accumulates 50 or more Revolution Points, all threads with suriving Marxists become part of the UMSSR (Union of Mafia Scum Socialist Republics). All players lose their vote, but any player may be killed by a majority vote of The Party (sending that particular game to night). Despite all this, you win with the town.

[Nocmen]

Yos, I don't think you've gotten a handle on the title of the thread yet.

You are a

Marxist

along with Player XXXX in Game YYYY, Player ZZZZ in game OOOO, Player AAAA, in Game BBBB... (and so on for about 12 more games). You may talk with other members of The Party if both your games are in night at the same time. For every day a member of the Party survives in a game, one Revolution Point is added to the communal score. If the Party accumulates 50 or more Revolution Points, all threads with suriving Marxists become part of the UMSSR (Union of Mafia Scum Socialist Republics). All players lose their vote, but any player may be killed by a majority vote of The Party (sending that particular game to night). Despite all this, you win with the town.

I've read this whole thread...and that one has made me go WTF the most.

[Mirth]

You are a

Marxist

along with Player XXXX in Game YYYY, Player ZZZZ in game OOOO, Player AAAA, in Game BBBB... (and so on for about 12 more games). You may talk with other members of The Party if both your games are in night at the same time. For every day a member of the Party survives in a game, one Revolution Point is added to the communal score. If the Party accumulates 50 or more Revolution Points, all threads with suriving Marxists become part of the UMSSR (Union of Mafia Scum Socialist Republics). All players lose their vote, but any player may be killed by a majority vote of The Party (sending that particular game to night). Despite all this, you win with the town.

This is totally awesome. Looks very hard to pull off though since it needs more than one bastard mod operating at pretty much the same time. But it would be totally fun to try.

[NabakovNabakov]

What is this talk of Mods? Mods control the means of Mafia, and must be eliminated if the Revolution is to proceed. These PM's will be sent entirely without the knowledge of Mods, and should the revolution be sucessful, the Mods will be forcibly removed from their position of luxury brought on by the back-breaking labor of the average player.

Mods and Players were not meant to co-exist, but you can not have the Mafia without the Players! Throw off the shackles of the Queue system! Realize your true destiny!

[Thestatusquo]

You are a religious missionary you wish to make all other people your religion as you are also a good friend of the head of church you mindwash all people in you religion to vote someone. You win when anything happens which makes everyone in your town your religion...

Oh yeah you lose if anyone in your religion dies

What you claim is what you get

: Whatever you claim you henceforth have that power there is also a mafia one of these he is your sibling both his scum buddies have to kill you... Quick claim unnightkillable

I cringe at the thought of receiving a role PM from you...Such lack of focus.

[Glork]

You mean the run-on sentences and the stream-of-consciousness typing style?

Yeah, I'd hate that, too.

[Mirth]

You mean the run-on sentences and the stream-of-consciousness typing style?

Yeah, I'd hate that, too.

Really? Perfect role for you then.


You are

James Joyce

and as such your goal is to write what many people consider to be an amazing novel, (though the person writing this role pm disagrees and wishes you to die a fiery, painful death, somewhere on some distanct planet where it is hotter than Hades, like perhaps on Mercury, assuming, of course, it would be possible to somehow send you to Mercury, because, we, as humans, lack the technology to do so and must content ourselves with exploring the moon, if it is in fact possible to land on the moon, as many people assume that the moon landing was one of the greatest hoaxes ever perpetrated in history, greater even than Elvis's death, or lack of death, if tabliod newspapers like the Weekly World News are to be believed. Speaking of which, isn't it a shame that they are no longer printing? Really the world needs to hear about the adventures of Batboy and about how some women was impregnated by an evil Jesus clone, or was it Bigfoot's children that she gave birth to, I can never tell.), so you must utalize your superior (if superior they be because, as it was previously mentioned, the authot of this role PM thinks you are an over-rated hack and feels that school children should not be subjected to your piss-poor attempts at being meaningful that fail short of being remotely interesting and/or entertaining, and instead cause some readers to wish that somebody had hypnotied you to go back in time and shoot your grandfather before he helped your grandmother concieve your father, assuming, of course, for a second, that time travel is possible and that the grandfather paradox would not come into effect and wipe you out of history forever, which would be quite fitting.) writing skills to pen the greatest English language novel ever (which the author of this role PM believes is a horrible lie on paar with OJ's being innocent and certain naughty bits of most actresses being real, but it is supposed that the antiquated corpses in their ivory towers do not particularly care about the opinion of the author of this PM and will continue to venerate a poor excuse for a waste of countless sacrificed and abused trees as a work of genius), and thus must write every post in a stream of conciousness style (like Virginia Woolfe, perhaps, who was a far better and much more interesting writer, but probably was denigned her due due to being a homosexual suicidal woman living in a repressed society that failed to understand her) and realize that punction is optional for it is in fact a facist invention of grammarians who only want to reign in your talent which the author of this pm assumes doesn't exist but will use that word anyway for conventions sake because int order to make this role more accessable to the misguided masseswhovenerate and revereandseemtomisguidedly loveyourwork perhapsfornootherreasonthentheyaremisguidedbrainwashedfoolslivingin aculturallytotalitariansocietywhichperscribesunacceptablestandardsofworthontoworks ofsuppossedartthathavenomeritstoerecomendthempastradicaldisgredsforconventionsand
proprietybutreallysinceyouarejamesjoyceyouneedtowritethebestdamnnoveleverandnotusean
ounceofpunctuationspacesareoptionaltoandifyoucanhelpitmakeallyourwordsbluetogetherintoagiant
conglomeratethatintheworldofpaintmixingwouldbeahideousshadeofbrownthatnopainterhasauseforyourwin
conditioniscausingallotherplayerstoquitplayingbecausetheycantstandreadingyourjabbersoyoumustpostalot


(If you can't tell, I hate Joyce.)

[Gorgon]

Did I lol? Yes.

[Max]

I would love that role...
What you claim is what you get..
You could claim recruiting mason with vigilante kill and un-night-killable and un-lynchable. It'd be heaven give 1 to scum 1 to town mayhem unleashed

[Rime Ice Fury]

Funny role, Mirth! You should make a note that the player can be modkilled at will, since the mod loathes James Joyce more than almost anyone or anything else.

Heh, here's a role that's likely to get you Day 1 lynched:

youarethe

mutetypist

youcantspeaksoyouhavetorelyonyourtypewritertocommunicateyourthoughtsto
otherstheresjustoneproblemyourspacebarshiftkeycapslockandallyourpunctuationkeysarebroken
sincethiscurrentcrisisisamatteroflifeanddeathyoucannotgoouttogetyourtypewriterfixedorevengetanewone
yesthatmeansyouarepostrestrictedyoucannotusethespacebarcapitalletterssymbolspunctuationetc
youarelimitedtoonlylowercaselettersnumbersandthereturnkeyifyouuseanyotherkeythatmeansyouprobably
stolesomeoneelsestypewriterwhichmakesyouathiefandimodkillthievesfortunatelyyourreturnkeystillworks
soyoucanavoidpagestretchingatleastohyeahyoucannotputinrandomlettersornumberstotrytospaceyourwords
apartyouwouldnotputlettersandnumbersbetweenwordswithaperfecttypewritersowhywouldyouputthemthere
justbecauseyourtypewritersucksdoesnotmeanyoucanpurposelybreaktherulesofwritingyouwinthegamewhen
allscumareeliminated

Mod's Note: The Mute Typist cannot vote because a broken colon key prevents him from using proper voting syntax.

[Mr. Flay]

I would love that role...
What you claim is what you get..
You could claim recruiting mason with vigilante kill and un-night-killable and un-lynchable. It'd be heaven give 1 to scum 1 to town mayhem unleashed

Simple, the second one to claim gives themself a daykill.

[Mirth]

Funny role, Mirth! You should make a note that the player can be modkilled at will, since the mod loathes James Joyce more than almost anyone or anything else.

No, see, if I were modding that, I would actually give someone a worse role than Joyce. (As much as I hate him, there are a few people I can't stand more. Like Camus. Speaking of.)

You are

Camus

and you know that everything a human being does is innately meaningless so it doesn't matter what you do. Really. Do whatever the heck you want, but you're not allowed to explain your actions because then you would be trying to find meaning in a pointless existance. If the mod gets tired of listening to you spout reasonless babble, you might or might not be muted for the remaineder of the day. You don't have a win condition because nothing matters anyway. Oh. You have one available night kill. Use it if you want, I really don't care.

It's kinda hard to mock existentalists though. Joyce, at least, has has horrible writing style. Camus just needs to be slapped. So a Mod Note for the above: Each other player has a win condition such that they automatically win if they find Camus and slap him with a trout.

[skitzer]

You are an Innocent Kitten. You cannot vote, but if someone casts the lynching vote or kills you, They will feel bad and not be able to vote or do role actions for the remainder of the game. You win when there are no more Mafia.

You are a Raccoon. Each night, you have the ability to dig in one of the players trash and find out their role. Unfortunately, they use a paper shredder, and you will be given a 80% of the letters in their role, which are scrambled up. You win when there are no more Mafia.

You are a Rope Maker. Each night, you have the ability to choose if there will be a lynch, due to you making the noose used for the following day. You win when there are no more Mafia.

Comments?

[Grek]

Mith, The Weekly World News is still in print. I get a copy every thursday.

[NabakovNabakov]

Oooh! Author themed roles!

/in

You are

Faulkner

. You have no special abilities, and win with the Town, but it's not that simple. I (as the Mod) will arbitrarily edit two of your posts to switch their content out of chronological order. Additionally, when referring to yourself or your actions, you are not permitted to use proper names (pronouns only!) or punctuation and you must make at least 2 refrences to honeysuckle. Additionally, you are a reverse lover (necrophiliac) with Player XXXX. If at any point they are alive when the game goes to night, you will commit suicide.

You are

Nabokov

. You may never make a post in your own voice, all posts must come from one of the following narrators. Depending on which one you post in the most, different powers and win conditions apply:

Humbert Humbert: You have no special powers and win with the town. 1/10 of your posting must be in French and 2/5 must be adjectives. You are a lover with any player who has "Goon" or "Townsperson" in their title.

Charles Kinbote: Half of your post must be in verse, the other half must provide commentary of the verse. You may send the name of one player to the Mod at night with the understanding that something might result from that. You win by yourself.

Sybil Vane: Conspiracy theories abound! You have the power to protect a player (but not yourself) if you place their name in an acrostic somewhere in your post (please PM the Mod to inform them if you do)


You are

Hemingway

. No more than 5 words per sentence, 3 sentences per post. (Not counting votes/unvotes). Violation will result in a Modkill. You are a Survivor, have one NK immunity, but will commit suicide N5 if the game is not over.

You are

Musil

. You must give all of your posts incredibly descriptive titles which describe what the post contains. All of your posts must be highly theoretical, players can be examples of or symbols for concepts, but you may not assign them any personal qualities. If the thread goes to night with more than 100 pages, you will die. You win with the town.

I've got more

Does anybody else smell a "Famous Authors Mafia"?

[Glork]

You mean the run-on sentences and the stream-of-consciousness typing style?

Yeah, I'd hate that, too.

Really? Perfect role for you then.


You are

James Joyce

and as such your goal is to write what many people consider to be an amazing novel, (though the person writing this role pm disagrees and wishes you to die a fiery, painful death, somewhere on some distanct planet where it is hotter than Hades, like perhaps on Mercury, assuming, of course, it would be possible to somehow send you to Mercury, because, we, as humans, lack the technology to do so and must content ourselves with exploring the moon, if it is in fact possible to land on the moon, as many people assume that the moon landing was one of the greatest hoaxes ever perpetrated in history, greater even than Elvis's death, or lack of death, if tabliod newspapers like the Weekly World News are to be believed. Speaking of which, isn't it a shame that they are no longer printing? Really the world needs to hear about the adventures of Batboy and about how some women was impregnated by an evil Jesus clone, or was it Bigfoot's children that she gave birth to, I can never tell.), so you must utalize your superior (if superior they be because, as it was previously mentioned, the authot of this role PM thinks you are an over-rated hack and feels that school children should not be subjected to your piss-poor attempts at being meaningful that fail short of being remotely interesting and/or entertaining, and instead cause some readers to wish that somebody had hypnotied you to go back in time and shoot your grandfather before he helped your grandmother concieve your father, assuming, of course, for a second, that time travel is possible and that the grandfather paradox would not come into effect and wipe you out of history forever, which would be quite fitting.) writing skills to pen the greatest English language novel ever (which the author of this role PM believes is a horrible lie on paar with OJ's being innocent and certain naughty bits of most actresses being real, but it is supposed that the antiquated corpses in their ivory towers do not particularly care about the opinion of the author of this PM and will continue to venerate a poor excuse for a waste of countless sacrificed and abused trees as a work of genius), and thus must write every post in a stream of conciousness style (like Virginia Woolfe, perhaps, who was a far better and much more interesting writer, but probably was denigned her due due to being a homosexual suicidal woman living in a repressed society that failed to understand her) and realize that punction is optional for it is in fact a facist invention of grammarians who only want to reign in your talent which the author of this pm assumes doesn't exist but will use that word anyway for conventions sake because int order to make this role more accessable to the misguided masseswhovenerate and revereandseemtomisguidedly loveyourwork perhapsfornootherreasonthentheyaremisguidedbrainwashedfoolslivingin aculturallytotalitariansocietywhichperscribesunacceptablestandardsofworthontoworks ofsuppossedartthathavenomeritstoerecomendthempastradicaldisgredsforconventionsand
proprietybutreallysinceyouarejamesjoyceyouneedtowritethebestdamnnoveleverandnotusean
ounceofpunctuationspacesareoptionaltoandifyoucanhelpitmakeallyourwordsbluetogetherintoagiant
conglomeratethatintheworldofpaintmixingwouldbeahideousshadeofbrownthatnopainterhasauseforyourwin
conditioniscausingallotherplayerstoquitplayingbecausetheycantstandreadingyourjabbersoyoumustpostalot


(If you can't tell, I hate Joyce.)

This post/role is made of pure win. (I didn't think James Joyce was so terrible. But note that this role can also be named William Faulkner for the sake of magnifying the ridiculousness tenfold.)