Skitter,
I’m not sure how to begin this letter to you, it’s been a pretty wild game. I’m sorry for many of the things I’ve put you and the town through. I’ve done many stupid things this game and I deeply regret them, I shouldn’t have pushed aldus out on D1, that was an error in overconfidence on my part. I shouldn’t have fake-claimed vig without checking with the moderator, it was sloppy and dumb but done with the intention of hopefully getting the mafia to nightkill me - I had no idea they had some stupid MFD ability to bypass me in the first place. I should have stood harder on my dsj-town read but I allowed myself to get caught up in wishful thinking. Most of all I regret not pushing harder for my own lynch on D2. I think if I had flipped town bomb on D2 it would’ve put TW’s roleclaim in much more of a dire condition and hopefully give dsj the breathing room he needed to survive at lylo. I guess I was selfish - I didn’t make the right play there and now I find myself stuck being the LHF-lynch at lylo. A lylo set up by TW/SS who engineered the dsj lynch over me. I feel tremendous regret over many aspects of my play this game. The fact that I’m sitting here at 5:00 AM writing this letter to you over a stupid internet game should really speak to the volume of how badly I feel for having misplayed my hand here - because my lynch here tonight really is the end for the town.
Why do I care so much about this loss? I really don’t understand it myself to be honest with you. I should’ve stopped checking in to this game a while ago but I feel a deep sense of resentment almost at TW/SS who have not really presented much of a case against me/raven and continue to snipe at us in the thread with their fake smiles pretending to engage us in conversation when they are just using logical fallacy and thinly veiled bullshit to make us run in circles. It’s so incredibly frustrating playing this game from my position and raven’s position and I’m not sure you understand how we feel. I think I honestly would’ve been better off replacing out of this game on D1. I wrote the PM out to Micc several times during the first wagon of me but I didn’t send it - it was a pretty bad choice - another one that I regret. I think I might just be addicted to arguing with people online - I’m quite shy in real life and tend to not have the same confidence I feel when I’m typing things out from behind a computer screen - it takes me a while to get comfortable enough to talk to someone and this I guess is a form of therapy for me.
I know you are very suspicious of me from the things I did in coalition, Datisi was as well from the start of the game and I was unduly harsh on him as a result of that. I regret my actions from D1 deeply, I should not have lashed out at him the way I did - he is genuinely a good guy and did not deserve that. In many ways I think the game would’ve progressed much better if I had been replaced out or lynched on the first day - I would’ve spent much less time on this game and the town would have had the distraction of me around for not nearly as long. Another mistake that I made, I guess.
You know I am a very dangerous scum player because I can do a number of very tricky things to win the game - I am very good at faking emotions and tricking myself in a way to think I am town. However I am a planner first and foremost - I enjoy board games and deeper strategy games where you have to plan complicated things out over the long run. If I was scum here - my partner is almost certainly not Raven - it would be someone else that I had worked with to set up to win in the endgame. You know from coalition that I asked aldus to set himself up opposite from me from the very beginning - I played the entire game with my scumpartner hard-bussing me for the entire duration of the game, increasing the difficulty of my own survival because I enjoy the challenge and because I knew it would ultimately lead to victory if I could convince enough townies that I was town and they would look bad in the endgame.
When the endgame for coalition actually began, I did not put up much of a fight, it was only 40ish posts - enough to make the town think I was fighting it but not heavy enough to make them think SS could be not aligned with me or really think out the possible game-states. I told Aldus to hammer me as soon as it was feasible for him to do it because that is the optimal play in that situation.
That is nothing like my play in this game - because I am not scum here.
I have no partner set up to win the game.
I was a clueless 0 info-townside player just like yourself into today. Before Datisi declined to hammer me I had serious doubts to his guilt.
I am fairly close to over 400 posts here - I know effort =/= alignment but you have to consider whether I would be going this hard unless I was a town who knew that my lynch would immediately result in the loss of this game for us. I would not have set up an endgame where myself and my scumpartner raven are sitting ducks to get lynched 1 after the other. I would not spend hundreds of posts hammering you over and over to think about which person makes sense as my partner if I was scum because you figuring out the correct game state means my team would lose if I were scum.
You have thought a long time about this solution as to my partner - you’ve settled on Raven but you know it doesn’t fit. The interactions do not make any sense.
Bugspray doesn’t accidentally near-hammer his own partner in the first hours of D1 - that’s just not an EV-positive play despite how TW/SS keep insisting that bugspray just wouldn’t care and would just randomly hammer his own partner. If that’s the case can they find a single game where bugspray showed up and near-hammered his own mafia partner on the first day of a game? Let alone the first DAY of D1? I don’t think they can.
Raven’s interaction with me also doesn’t make sense - put yourself in her shoes for a moment - your idiot scum-partner Pooky just fake-claimed vigilante and has been exposed by the moderator to be a lying idiot. Is your immediate reaction to be like “well let’s just lynch DSJ instead” or to bus pooky hard and fast? One action makes sense, the other does not, keep in mind that DsJ had raven as a hard town-read so it doesn’t even make sense for her to get rid of him anyway. If the team was Raven/Pooky, Raven would hard-bus Pooky there 100 times out of 100, even if her own instinct was not to, I would be literally begging her in the Scum PT to bus me hard.
You know the other solutions do not fit as well, I’ve gone over the points over and over and if you need me to go over why any other partner does not fit, I am happy to take time to go over it again with you. The fact is I do not have a partner. I am on your side in this game.
Lastly there’s the interaction from page 181-186 where me and raven and Datisi had a discussion that was uncomfortable for all of us. I accused Datisi of some things I should not have and he’s shown himself to be an upstanding gentleman - I was wrong yet again this game in my judgement of a player. I caused emotional duress unintentionally to Raven and I am deeply sorry for what I did to both of them, the actions were stupid and I let myself become overly emotional because I was in a bad place at the time and I deeply regret them - yet another thing I regret doing this game. But if you look at that interaction as uncomfortable as it is to read, it is really too far of a stretch to believe that Raven and I decided to create some scum theater to mess with Datisi.
I think I’ve said enough about why I am not scum here and if there’s something you think makes me very likely to be scum that you think I haven’t addressed - I am more than happy to go over it with you. I’m not sure if you read to the end of this extremely long post but I would be tremendously grateful if you consider my words and give me a chance to change your mind here.
It's been extremely enjoyable playing with you, and I thank you, Datisi, and Raven for having given me the opportunity to try to dig myself out of this hole I've created. In case I wake up and find myself dead, here's a cute Tigger and pooh gif for you. I hope I have the opportunity to play with you again in the future.
