Mafiascum.net

Posted: **Wed Sep 12, 2012 9:03 am**

The GuestlistChristopher Marlowe
Thomas Pynchon
Shakespeare
David Foster Wallace
Edgar Allan Poe
James Joyce
Moliere
HP Lovecraft
Bret Easton Ellis
Lemony Snicket
Terry Goodkind
Charlie Kaufmann
Oscar Wilde
Dr. Seuss
Gregory Williamson
Gertrude Stein
Tommy Wiseau
Jane Austen
ee cummings
David Mamet
The Daily Bugle
Brian Jacques
God
Mark Z. Danielewski
Marion Zimmer Bradley
Rucks

Posted: **Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:06 pm**

Author Mafia

modded by: Untrod Tripod
backup modded by: Faraday
reviewed by: Faraday, RedCoyote, quadz08

Still Alive (8/24):

Shaft

Christopher Marlowe

Thomas Pynchon
Edgar Allan Poe
Spinning Paper
Charlie Kaufmann
Oscar Wilde
Mark Z. Danielewski
Rucks

Gone but not forgotten (16/24):

Spoiler:

Books burned:

Nobody, hopefully.

General Rules

1) Starting and Ending States:

All roles that can communicate at Night may do during pregame. The game will end when one faction has fulfilled its win condition, unless otherwise specified.

2) Day Procedures:

Each player may discuss the game and cast a single vote at a time against people they want to lynch. Day ends when either the deadline hits or a strict majority of the votes are on one person.

3) Voting:

Votes should be in

bold

in order for them to count, for instance:

Vote: HP Lovecraft

. You may also use the VOTE: tags if you desire. If you wish to vote for a different player, you don't need to unvote. As long as I can tell who you're voting for, I don't care if you abbreviate someone's name when you vote them.

4) No Lynch:

As an alternative to voting for someone, you may

Vote: No Lynch

, but for it to take effect, enough players must vote No Lynch that it would be impossible to form any other majority.

5) Deadlines:

D1 deadline will be 4 weeks. Every day from then on will have a strict deadline of 3 weeks, unless a ridiculous amount of replacements are needed.

6) Mass Inactivity:

In an act of pure villainy, I may shorten the deadline if I deem the activity level is unsatisfactory. You will be warned if I want you fellows to pick up the pace.

7) Deadline Lynches:

If no single player has enough votes for a lynch at the deadline, the result is No Lynch and the game proceeds to Night. Deadlines are there for a reason.

8) Twilight:

After someone receives the majority vote, everyone may still discuss the game, but votes and unvotes will not be considered - the person voted for by the majority will be lynched regardless. Twilight will last until I waltz in and post a death scene (which can be quite short, but never really long)

9) Night Length and Procedures:

The topic will be locked at Night. If your Role PM specifies that you have a Night Action, you may follow the instructions on that PM to use it. Barring extenuating circumstances, Nights will not last longer than 3 RL days.

10) Night Action Resubmission:

If you have to PM a choice to the mod (i.e. the name of someone you want to kill/protect/investigate), you may change your choice at any time during the Night by sending The Mod another PM with the new choice. The most recent choice will be honored.

11) Night Action Priority:

This game will use

Spoiler: this NAR

12) Bolding Stuff:

Bolding something is how you get the mod to notice it. It's that simple.

13) Mod Color:

If The Mods needs to edit your post, it will be done in

b

o

l

d

e

d

,

r

a

i

n

b

o

w

f

o

n

t

. Don't impersonate me, or I'll cut off your thumbs and feed them to you.

14) Activity, Prods, and Replacements:

You will be prodded if three days have passed since your last post. You will be replaced if you do not post after another 24 hours, or if you need to be prodded three times throughout the game. If you know ahead of time that you will not be able to participate for at least 48 hours, go ahead and announce it in-thread so nobody (such as the mod) thinks you're lurking. I reserve the right to blacklist flakers or people who maliciously replace out.

15) "Last Words" for replacements:

If you request replacement, you may PM me a message that you would like to have passed on to the person who replaces you.

16) "Bah!" Posts:

If your player slot is killed off, it's probably because people don't want you around. Unless your role specifically states you can keep talking/voting/playing parcheesi with me, you are allowed one informationless "bah" post and then scram til endgame. Special mechanics can of course overlap

17) Outside Discussion:

Don't discuss this game outside of this thread with anyone unless your Role PM lets you do otherwise.

18) Post Editing:

Editing or deleting posts is not allowed (and usually not possible). Doublepost with your changes instead.

19) Mod and PM quoting:

For role PMs, If you quote it, you will be modkilled. You can send me the reformulation (I'm pretty loose with reformulation) and I will tell you if posting it is allowed or if it needs further modifications. If you quote a PM from me, you will be terminated (barring questions about rules or something).

20) Modkills:

Breaking any of the above three rules (or flagrantly violating Rule 16) will result in you getting modkilled. Modkills can be retroactive. If a living player breaks any of these rules, the day may or may not end, depending on what would disadvantage that player's faction the most. In addition, getting modkilled results in an instant loss for that player, along with my general hatred. In short, follow the rules, don't be a dick.

21) Small/Invisible text:

You may use smaller text if it amuses you, as long as it's not meant to bypass a rule. As in, no hidden messages or shit like that. I will fuck you up for fucking with my game.

22) Win Mentality:

Play to win.

23) Policy:

Have fun. Or else. And remember, it's a game - keep it classy and don't take things personally; everyone's doing what they have to to win.

24) Setup Design:

The roles were fully randomized. There is no correlation between author and role. Do not try to outguess the mod.

25) Flavor:

As you all know, you are required to post in the style of your chosen author. This is a post restriction. I hope this does not become an issue, but if you repeatedly refuse to post in this manner, I will be forced to replace you.

This is a sample role PM.

Salutations,

I am writing to you because I am a great admirer of your work. I would like to extend to you a very special opportunity. I am making arrangements to collect two dozen of time's greatest authors so that you can present your craft to other masters of the written word and get criticism. This should alter the course of your career and make you even stronger than you were before. You need not reply to this missive. An agent will be arriving shortly.

Pack warm,
X

You have no special abilities.

Active Powers:
1. Suffrage

Passive Powers:
2. You win with the town

Posted: **Wed Sep 12, 2012 5:06 pm**

The game will not start until every alt account is made.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Christopher Marlowe

Thomas Pynchon

Shakespeare

David Foster Wallace

Edgar Allan Poe

James Joyce

Moliere

Bret Easton Ellis

Lemony Snicket

Charlie Kaufmann

Oscar Wilde

Dr. Seuss

Gregory Williamson

Gertrude Stein

Tommy Wiseau

Jane Austen

ee cummings

David Mamet

The Daily Bugle

Brian Jacques

God

Mark Z. Danielewski

Marion Zimmer Bradley

Rucks

has made an alt account

has confirmed

Posted: **Fri Sep 21, 2012 5:12 am**

Diary Entry 1It is with some reticence that I commit my tale to the page. I am not sure what good it might do mankind, but I can only hope that my account will help them make sense of this maleficence. When the authorities throw back the coffin-lid of the last fortnight of my life, maybe this will help them understand not to investigate further into this maelstrom of horror and insanity. I pray they will burn this place down and seal it up. I would dream of cleansing were my dreams not so dark of late. Even the things I saw, which were only the barest sliver of the repugnant monstrosities contained on the outskirts of my tale, threaten to drive me mad and I dare not sleep for fear of the lurking eldritch horrors which caress and coo at the fraying edges of my sanity, tugging each dangling thread of my mind, accelerating my inevitable downfall into slack jawed madness and insanity. I will include my relevant diary entries in hopes of not having to rewrite the whole of my tale

Diary Entry 2I received a telegram this morning. This came as a shock to me, as I have been engrossed in my work as of late and have not had time for normal socializing or carousing about the town, as I am generally wont to do. The telegram was written in a very strange, even script. After glancing at it and noticing the dubious nature of its aesthetic, I ran back to the door to catch the telegram deliverer, who was strangely nowhere to be found on busy street outside of my stoop. The telegram read thusly:

Salutations,

I am writing to you because I am a great admirer of your work. I would like to extend to you a very special opportunity. I am making arrangements to collect two dozen of time's greatest authors so that you can present your craft to other masters of the written word and get criticism. This should alter the course of your career and make you even stronger than you were before. You need not reply to this missive. An agent will be arriving shortly.

Pack warm,
X

As I mulled over who might have sent me this bizarre summons, I noticed that the paper on which the message was written was of a very curious feel and weight and even the ink was a foreign color to me. The manner of its printing was wholly unknown to me. I found myself slightly dizzied by these strange things, so I made my way to the phone in my entryway and dialed the number for my elderly bachelor uncle, a professor of some renown who resides currently in Arkham, Mass, where he teaches the anthropology of printmaking at Miskatonic University. I got him at his office, and after a lengthy aside about his current work tracing the origins of the paper and ink used in certain occult books at their library, spoke to him about the unusual paper I received earlier today. Though my uncle, doubtlessly as a product of his advanced age and his tiring work with abhorrent African and Middle Eastern folklore, often is reticent to be aroused to much excitement, his voice picked up quite a bit as I recounted the details of the morning and he badgered me with questions about the invitation I received. He wished to see it as soon as possible, as his expert eyes could no doubt reveal new revelations as to its origin that mine could not. He has arranged to meet me at the Arkham train station late tonight, and I will seek passage on the 6:00 PM train.

Diary Entry 3Sadly, the arranged meeting with my uncle was not to be. As I was leaving the house, darkness took me. I was bashed about the head by some nefarious henchman whose face I never saw and secreted away in God knows what vessel to the strange house spoken of in the foreboding telegram. Fortunately, the accommodations are quite civilized, though I don't like the perverse way in which the Negroid butlers leer at me, and the writers have been both illuminating in discussion and seemingly ignorant to the machinations of this strange plot. We each have received a room of our own, which contained a book detailing the rules of the house, and mercifully were outfitted with gaslamps and sinks in addition to the usual guestroom accomodations. Our absent host has even provided all of us with a complete wardrobe, though I shudder to think of how he could have known our measurements to the exactitude which he seems to. And I am curious as to exactly what is happening behind the thin-lidded eyes of our host's numerous and furtive maids, whose Asiatic origins cause my mind to wander to the stories my uncle told me about the strange cults and the undying shaman in the high mountains of Tibet.
Our host did not give us details to what, exactly he was gaining from our imprisonment here, but our instructions were to conduct workshops of our various writings, and that we have done faithfully, stopping only to consume the strange meals which we always find at the long dark dining table, thought we have never seen a kitchen nor cooking staff.
The last workshop today was on a middle aged man with a long topknot and a beard, whose winding tales the bulk of us found to be childish and lacking in any plot worth mentioning. He insisted that if we actually dove into the depth of his characterization, we would understand his genius. What I found to be the most disturbing about his writing however wasn't its paper-thin denizens and his bizarre fascination with rape and gore, but the fact that all of the women portrayed in his writings were described as being either generously endowed or comically buxom. This is to say nothing of the men, all of whom were various degrees of strapping and broad. I brought this to his attention, to which he responded

Terry Goodkind wrote:"I find that the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies"

a remark to which I had no way of responding.
At that point of the day, we were entering into the late hours, long after many of us had quietly slipped off to our rooms to adorn ourselves in our eveningwear, and many of us were sipping cocktails while we tried, gently, to explain to this troubled man that rape was not acceptable to use as a plot device in every single situation he wrote. Though we were growing comfortable in our new roles, a certain uneasiness had settled over the group, a foreboding which tickled at the corners of our minds as we tried to ignore the fact that we were here under very dubious circumstances and our absent host had done nothing to ease our minds and assure us that no harm would befall us here. A gnawing fear was growing in the pit of my stomach, and I urged my companions that perhaps we should retire to our rooms, and perhaps our host would be here tomorrow to explain everything. They reluctantly agreed, and we trudged slowly back to our rooms, wary of each other. I will ensure that I lock my door tightly tonight and sleep lightly. I did not at all like the hungry way in which the servants stared at me, which is to say nothing of which I thought Terry might do to my nether regions, if given the opportunity.

Diary Entry 4Horror and tragedy has fallen upon us! After an uneventful night, apart from some curious and disquieting noises I heard from the hallway and downstairs, I and the other guests emerged from our rooms to begin another day of workshopping. Nothing could have prepared us for what we saw. I can barely transcribe it, but I feel that it might be important later, so I will try. We found the very same writer whom we had all offered our best criticism to only the night before, sprawled out upon the blood-soaked writing table with unspeakable injuries to his person. A few in our number fainted straight away, and the rest of us had to avert our eyes in order to keep from losing our senses, which had already been stressed by the bizarre and trying events of the day before. One brave among us, though I do not know who, as I could not look even for a moment at the mangled corpse, walked to the table in order to better examine the scene. This person pulled a scrap of paper from underneath the desecrated corpse, and read what I can only assume were the words upon it

Terry Goodkind wrote:The chicken which is not a chicken...it is scum!

Poor stupid Terry, not even able to properly describe a scene even in his last moments.
We know not what to do at this point other than continue our grim work. Carefully, knowing that at least one in our number is a murderer. I hope I can transcribe more of these events as they unfold. For now...I will watch in shaking horror.

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:16 am**

With 24 alive, it takes 13 to lynch. Deadline is 10/22 at 5PM EST.

Play Mafia!

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:27 am**

Yes, quite...

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 10:36 am**

With the greatest alacrity, and the boldest readiness I shall

Vote: God

for it is a truth universally acknowledged that

God

must know who the scum are, and if God shall not tell us there must be a reason, and that reason can only be that

God

is scum, as horrific as that notion does be.

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:00 am**

Truly thou baffle my mind Madame Austen. Thy "acumen" - if thou may label it as such - is astoundingly weak and abstruse. So surely, by thy logic, all God must do to gain our trust is beguile us by simply naming his partners in crime? Thou truly dumbfound me.

Vote: Madame Austen

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:11 am**

↑ Edgar Allan Poe wrote:Truly thou baffle my mind Madame Austen. Thy "acumen" - if thou may label it as such - is astoundingly weak and abstruse. So surely, by thy logic, all God must do to gain our trust is beguile us by simply naming his partners in crime? Thou truly dumbfound me.

Your harsh words have struck me quite deeply; I am quite injured, and though you are quite sure to make your apologies, and though I am quite sure you shall mean them, they can not help soothe the wound I am struck with. Let us speak no more on the matter for I need a few minutes to regain my strength.

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 11:54 am**

22 September Y.D.A.U.¹

The death of Terry "My Magic Is Powered By Rage" Goodkind² being widely considered a tragedy I am ready to bring swift justice to those accountable, chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken notwithstanding. RNG³ says the good doctor is the culprit.

Vote: Dr. Seuss

1. Year of the Depend Adult Undergarment, a calendar year under the system of Subsidized Time.
2. Candidly, I stopped reading his so-called novels precisely after the chicken-that-is-not-a-chicken sequence
3. Random Number Generator, an impartial method of choosing a random vote from this anonymous list of authors

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:01 pm**

VOTE: David Mamet

An associate of mine did not vote once. He did not lead a very eventful life, as those who do not vote are prone to do.

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:40 pm**

A screaming comes across the sky. It has happened before, but there is nothing to compare it to now.

He is sitting on the boundary of the action and, ironically, avoiding the theatre.

Vote: David Mamet

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:42 pm**

↑ Lemony Snicket wrote:VOTE: David Mamet

An associate of mine did not vote once. He did not lead a very eventful life, as those who do not vote are prone to do.

Are you kidding me, are you fuckin' kidding me?

Listen to this.

Two guys walk into a bar. Two big guys, they walk into this bar, all right? The bigger of the two, he's got a big rounded mustache.

Bigger Guy: Barkeep, get me a...

Barkeep: I've only got gin left...

Bigger Guy: You've got, in this whole place, you fuckin' kiddin' me?

Barkeep: Only gin, everything's out...

Bigger Guy: You're tellin' me that in this whole bar you've...

Barkeep: Plain out o' everything

Smaller Guy: You gonna order?

Bigger Guy: Two gins.

Bigger Guy and Smaller Guy sit. Beat

Smaller Guy: What're you doin'?

Bigger Guy: Checkin' my phone app

SG: People don't do that...

BG: They don't, what, they don't...

SG: Don't check...

BG: Check their phone apps? Everybody does that...

SG: No they don't...

BG: Of course they do...

SG: No...

BG: Yes, I think so though...

SG: Why would they do that?

BG: I don't know, because it interests them.

Beat

SG: What is that?

BG: Mafiascum

SG: What...

BG: One moment please.

Bigger Guy taps through his phone into the Author Mafia game. He

Votes Lemony Snicket

for being absolutely moronic and thinking that RVS is some sort of ritualistic betterment for humanity when it is literally just a load of shit created to perpetuate a game forward that can be perpetuated by common sense and motivation.

To be continued...

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 12:46 pm**

Play format Author Notes

Ellipses are used to demonstrate interruption

Italics are used for stage directions and more personal game-driven statements from the author

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:00 pm**

I shall search the cupboards and find nothing or something and fully realize that the nothing that I have found or not found realizes that I am searching for it, and thus relocates itself unto the sitting room.

I have no remorse. The cat has no fleas, and a pincushion.

Vote: God

The Divine is full of grammar and displays His cushions about the davenport. Of the three. Of the four. Of the five.

Of the six.

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:31 pm**

I look

forward

, to working with all of youuu, to find the scahhm and escape this place! Bahht, we must be carefool, that the scahhm do not kill us first! After ahhl, you know what they say: all's well that ends well! Hah hah hah!

Oh hi, Mark!

VOTE: Mark Z. Danielewski

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:09 pm**

There are two things you gotta know about catching liars. The first one is that you gotta be a good liar if you ever wanna figure one out. The second one is that the best liars are kids from broken homes.

There's never been a home broken quite like The Kid's.

Kid didn't let that stop him. Made a name for himself. More than I woulda done, in his shoes. Hero? He wouldn't call himself that, so neither will I. But a man. Someone who does the job in front of him without needing to be told.

Ain't never had a job quite like this, though.

At least with a gasfella or a windbag you know where you stand. Enemies with the courtesy to draw their weapons, instead of putting on a smiling face and lookin for your back. Kid had faced a lot of enemies in time, but never one who lied about it.

Well, there was that one time. But we don't talk about him no more.

But the fact is there are some bad apples here. False friends. Killers, and not the good kind. And when you know something like that, there's two things you can do. You can run, or you can hunt em down.

Kid's never been the running type.

As for me? I'm just an old man past his prime who was never that good about shutting up. Spent my whole life seekin out good folks. Found The Kid. Hell of a find. Makes you wish there were two of him. One was enough to handle The Calamity, after all...

Ah, I'm ramblin. That's about all I do, is talk. Kid's good at a lot of things, but he's never had a way with words. Maybe that'll get him in trouble here. I think he'll do alright, though. Kid always does.

Anyway, I suppose I should start at the beginning...

Kid didn't have a whole lot to go on. Decided to just vote the person he'd have the most trouble understanding. Not really fair, but better than nothin.

Vote: Gertrude Stein

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:40 pm**

↑ Jane Austen wrote:
↑ Edgar Allan Poe wrote:Truly thou baffle my mind Madame Austen. Thy "acumen" - if thou may label it as such - is astoundingly weak and abstruse. So surely, by thy logic, all God must do to gain our trust is beguile us by simply naming his partners in crime? Thou truly dumbfound me.

Your harsh words have struck me quite deeply; I am quite injured, and though you are quite sure to make your apologies, and though I am quite sure you shall mean them, they can not help soothe the wound I am struck with. Let us speak no more on the matter for I need a few minutes to regain my strength.

Ah, my dear, surely thou are stronger than thou reveal to the eyes of mortals? For one cannot simply have a soft heart and live upon this godforsaken earth. Surely thou beguile others in hopes fulfilling thy own devious motives, no, my dear? Those mortals who do not choose the path of repentance early live harsh lives, and die a gruesome death indeed; thou cannot begin to fathom. Those who are constantly dreaming dreams no mortal ever dares to dream - those are the ones that thou should heed. And my dear, I am such a one.

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 2:56 pm**

↑ Rucks wrote:
Kid didn't have a whole lot to go on. Decided to just vote the person he'd have the most trouble understanding. Not really fair, but better than nothin.[/i]

Vote: Gertrude Stein

Tis surely the way of madness for a Lady to speak like Madame Stein doth, I must agree, friend. Thou do tempt me indeed, for mortal men are tempted with such things.

Vote: Madame Stein

Speak, woman, and let mortals understand thee. Thou tempt me to quaff nepenthe for my loss indeed. For simply living in this world is a torture; one like myself surely cannot endure what the insane say. Thy only remedy is to let mortals understand, and thy chooses to torture the poor souls? What a cruel world we live in indeed!

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 4:42 pm**

Brian surveyed the room carefully. Several well-spoken authors renowned for their work had started conversing about the death of Brother Goodkind. The late author's battered body laid nearby. Brian looked thoroughly over Brother Goodkind's dark-grey clothing for some clue, but could find no hint of an assailant.

His attention returned to the numerous intellectuals.

He spoke softly at first, "We must find who did this to Brother Goodkind. You," Brian pointed, "where were you before we found this body?"

VOTE: ee cummings

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:56 pm**

A sharp edge does not automatically make a sword a good weapon. Only the wielder can do that.

-- Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson

I see the sword thrusts have already begun. There must be a Terran among us, or maybe even one of those renegade Alderans!

VOTE: Daily Bugle

What kind of name is that Mestro? For I am sure as I am Comynara and Leronis, that you must be a commoner, you do not even seem to have red hair?

I will be observing all of you closely with my Laran, and find out who the imposters are.

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 7:51 pm**

1 Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father,
and attend to know understanding.
2 For I give you good doctrine,
forsake ye not my law.
3 I know that which is evil, and will reveal it unto thee
4 At a time that is most fortuitous for your own understanding
5 Let thine heart and mind retain my words:
keep my commandments, and live.
5 Get wisdom, get understanding:
forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth.
6 Others who know not of the universe shall not see; for they are blind to the evil
7 And blind in their own ignorance.
8 Wisdom is the principal thing;
therefore get wisdom:
and with all thy getting get understanding.
This will come by harkening to my words.
8 Look not for evil where it is not; seek it amongst those in the present.
9 Evil can be found, using your own free will.
In this I will emulate you
In order to teach you.
10 Hear, O my sons and daughters, and receive my sayings;
and the years of thy life shall be many.
11 I have taught thee in the way of wisdom;
I have led thee in right paths.
12 For all things in the universe are made by me;
And none of it is random
13 Take fast hold of instruction;
and bring your votes to the way of my light
And goodness.
14

Vote: David Foster Wallace

Proverbs 4:1-14

Posted: **Sat Sep 22, 2012 8:13 pm**

              AUTHOR MAFIA

                       NAMES OF THE ACTORS

Shakespeare
                           Gregory Williamson
Christopher Marlowe
                   Gertrude Stein, a villain
Thomas Pynchon
                        Tommy Wiseau
David Foster Wallace
                  Jane Austen
Edgar Allan Poe
                       ee cummings
James Joyce
                           David Mamet
Moliere
                               The Daily Bugle
Bret Easton Ellis
                     Brian Jacques
Lemony Snicket
                        God
Charlie Kaufmann
                      Mark Z. Danielewski
Oscar Wilde
                           Marion Zimmer Bradley
Dr. Seuss
                             Rucks

THE PROLOGUE

[Enter] Chorus.

CHORUS
  Two factions, both alike in dignity,
    In this the theme park where we lay our scene
  From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
    Where writers' blood makes writers' hands unclean.
  One seeks a peaceful meeting of the pens
    The other vicious comes to take their lives;
  A gathering which holding all to lens
    Must now toward true directed justice strive.
  This convened council tasked to taint remove
    Where Shakespeare doth the wicked ones engage
  Till every evil hangs in yonder grove,  
    Is now the four months' traffic of our stage
  The which if you with patient ears attend,
  What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

[Exit.]

Posted: **Sun Sep 23, 2012 1:57 am**

The Daily Bugle

The Chicken is Scum!

A tragedy occurred last night as a world-famous author was found dead in his home.

Terry Goodkind was found murdered in his home after the events of a writing workshop earlier that day. Goodkind was generally found to be somewhat eccentric, best known for his literary prowess and fondness for women's boobies.

The members of the workshop, expected to continue for the next two weeks, are being widely regarded with suspicion by townsfolk and police alike.

"I ain't never read nothin' by none of 'em" said local character Tim Roberts. "I dun know what dem writers is doing, but I dun like it."

Goodkind was unavailable for comment on his death. None of the authors could be reached for comment.

Weasling Out!

Certain members of the literary conference have been able to weasel out of the current discussion without comment.

As discussion swirls around the death of Mr. Goodkind, several notable suspects and literary figures have ignored the matter entirely. These authors have received no reprimand for their actions at this time.

Gertrude Stein, renowned crazy lady, managed to avoid current discussion of David Mamet's trail of suspicion, instead preferring to cast aspersions on the mysterious figure known only as "God." When asked about her actions, she replied "The pincushions are growing restless."

Tommy Wiseau, a figure previously unknown to this publication, instead preferred to greet his friend Mark Danielewski with a vote. "Ohhh darrrrling!" he exclaimed to our reporter before floating off.

Other potentially ignorant figures include Rucks, Brian Jacques, Marion Bradley and William Shakespeare himself. It is of note that God's actions are somewhat shady, but no light has come to them just yet.

The conference will commence today with more discussion of suspects, murder, and the proper use of a semicolon. Cummings is not expected to attend discussion of the latter.

Poe Under Suspicion!

A member of the literary conference has been acting in a suspicious manner with regard to his actions early this morning.

Edgar Allen Poe, writer of works such as "The Raven," "Annabel Lee" and "Sleeping with your Cousin is Pretty Cool" has expressed baseless suspicion of several authors since the events of last night.

Poe began by verbally attacking Ms. Jane Austen, citing her blasphemy as "dumbfound[ing]." In response Austen was able to do nothing but sit and fan herself, overwhelmed by this man's accusations.

He continued his irrationality later by expressing distrust of Ms. Stein, owing solely to her mental problems.

Poe is suspected to be a disturbed and deranged individual with a hatred of the disabled and weak. Do not approach in public. The Daily Bugle urges all citizens to VOTE: Edgar Allen Poe with great haste to remove the criminal from the midst of the innocents.

The Daily Bugle would like to remind readers that, with the exception of Special Evening Editions owing to late breaking news, The Bugle publishes once per day.

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Posted: **Sun Sep 23, 2012 3:13 am**

I bid each and every one of you good day. Mrs. Lovegood has decreed it is time to play. I wish you all the best of luck, but while this is all in good fun, it is also a game -- a game which is meant to be won. So seek out the scums wherever they may be, but if you're having trouble, you could always sheep me!

Vote: Gregory Williamsen

Mafiascum.net

Author Mafia - Game Over!

Author Mafia - Game Over!