It would help to know more specifically why this didn't get you the character you wanted -- it's kind of important to know if it's in significant ways, and if they're fixable within this system.
I'll just resurrect the character from the previous combat testing. I'll create a Slith if this still looks promising (which will be a test of adapting the system to different races).
As a note after completing the below...I'm not sure how this will play, but I really liked going through this process. It's a bit annoying to keep track of the skills pyramid on-screen, but that's the only negative I found. Contrary to yours, I found this gave me a character I'd really enjoy playing, with a considerable amount of depth. The fact that the story has to come first, before the numbers, made all the difference. Working through phase 4 something just clicked and I knew how the story had to go. Very cool.
Name: Oduro bel’Anath
Player: Yaw
Race: Elf
Description: Young looking, 5’9” with fine features. Tanned skin, green eyes, with shoulder-length light brown hair worn in thin braids.
Background:
Phase 1: Oduro grew up in Alathi, a small Elvish settlement in the deserts far to the south of Amstaad. His family were herders, and he shepherded the family flock.
Aspect: Solitary (Fair)
- Herder
- Observation x 2
- Survivalism
Phase 2: Bandits attacked and razed Alathi. Oduro survived by hiding, but his livelihood was destroyed and there were few survivors. Realizing his life in the desert was over, he travelled north to the Briaf city of Loag on the plains, and lacking any other options joined the army. He wanted to be strong enough to defeat the bandits, singlehanded if need be.
Aspect: Soldier (Fair)
- Swords (Sabre)
- Athleticism
- Archery
- Focus
Phase 3: The army post in Loag had been having increased reports of armed bandit activity. Patrols are dispatched to hit isolated bands of bandits while they're weak. Oduro is a part of these, putting his training into practice.
Aspect: Soldier (Good)
- Swords (Sabre)
- Riding (Hiran)
- Observation
- Athleticism
Phase 4: Despite killing several isolated bands, the threat of banditry has not abated. A spy came with news of their main camp, and the army was sent out to attack. The ensuing battle is an overwhelming victory, but Oduro is so blinded by what happened to his people that he goes too far, killing some of those who had surrendered after the battle ended.
Aspect: Soldier (Great)
- Swords (Sabre)
- Riding (Hiran)
- Berserker
- Focus
Phase 5: As a result of his actions, Oduro was given a dishonourable discharge. Ashamed, he left Loag and travelled to the only place nearby that is independent of the Briaf Empire: Amstaad. He now works as a sword-for-hire and sometimes fights in competition, trying to restore his lost honour.
Aspect: Repentant (Fair)
- Swords (Sabre)
- Survivalism
- Athleticism
- Faith
______________________________
Final Character:
Aspects
O[col]Solitary (Fair)
O O O[col]Soldier (Great)
O[col]Repentant (Fair)
Skills
Swords (Sabre)[col]Great
Observation[col]Good
Athleticism[col]Good
Riding (Hiran)[col]Fair
Focus[col]Fair
Survivalism[col]Fair
Herder[col]Average
Archery[col]Average
Berserker[col]Average
Faith[col]Average
Fate Points: 3
Goal: To atone for his past transgressions, and regain his lost standing within the Empire just outside the city state of Amstaad.
Equipment: Oduro carries a sabre and a buckler. He wears leather armour.