Civilization Mafia [GAME OVER]

[Caesar Wills It]

Attention, lords, ladies, citizens and peasants!

Tremble in fear and prepare yourselves!

Now approaches their most imperial majesties, Imperators of the Roman Empire, co-equal Emperors designated by the Roman Senate

Julius Caesar

and

Augustus Caesar

Friends! Romans! Countrymen! Lend Me your ears!

We the rulers of the Roman people have deigned to grace this squabbling horde of Barbarian Peasants with the grandeur of our presence and wisdom. Those who bend the knee and accept obedience to Our Will shall be incorporated into the Empire, and in time their descendants may be accounted as citizens, with all the rights, responsibilities, and privileges accompanying that rank.

Those who resist our glory will be dealt with swiftly and harshly by the legions.

We are already most heartily displeased with the conduct of our Senate and subjects. Scientific advancement is critical to the success and expansion of the empire, though artistic investment also has merit for the cultural development of our citizens. Choosing to turn a deaf ear to these advancements is an unacceptable deviation from our responsibility as their representatives. The Senate shall consider itself on notice.

As anything else that has occurred prior to our arrival in your midst shall be considered trivial and of little consequence, We shall not be reviewing the records of your no-doubt inane bickering. We further insist that this Senate curtail its proceedings to a reasonable length, and ask that the good Senators take a breath once in a while to consider their words with a modicum of care and decorum.

I shall be watching these proceedings carefully and conferring with my co-emperor regarding Our Will. When it has been issued, We expect it to be obeyed.

His Imperial Majesty
Augustus Caesar

The Roman people are commanded to ignore and repress this most embarrassing error, no doubt perpetrated by barbarians.

CAESAR WILLS IT

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Fro99er is to be flogged and censured for his breach of decorum, and for violating Our Will regarding the recent barbarian incursion, as well as his apparent inability to distinguish between a lavender shade and the royal purple of Our Decrees.

[Caesar Wills It]

Noble Jupiter, before whom even Emperors must yield, has spoken. Henceforth, the royal house shall be adorned in shades of deep blue.

[Caesar Wills It]

Caesar greets the noble Senators on this fine Roman morning!

Caesar has heard the pleas of the common people and listened to the discourse of this august body, and is prepared to make his first pronouncement of judgment.

In Our Sight, it is evident that the knavish so-called Senator Vecna is indeed an apostate, as it has come to our attention that he consorts with pagan rituals and barbarian filth. It is rumored indeed that he may be a necromantic sorcerer most foul, and is even worshipped as a perverse deity by uneducated swine. This affront to Our Own Divinity shall not be tolerated.

Further, we discern the motives of this creature to be malign in intent and manipulative in nature, fit to serve only self to the detriment of Mother Rome. We interpret this vile sorcerer's actions to be in keeping with what is commonly called a 'scumfuck' by the peasantry.

Be it resolved that all loyal Senators ought be compelled to cast their vote against the interloper.

VOTE: Vecna

[Caesar Wills It]

This decree has been issued by His Imperial Highness, Augustus Caesar.

[Caesar Wills It]

Your approbation is most suitable, plebian, but it shall not avail you to save your skin. The most Divine Sight of Caesar sees all, and His Will shall not be swayed by flattery nor buddying.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senators and citizens, your ruler demands your attention.

It has become apparent that our decree regarding the heathen Vecna has gone unheeded. This is unacceptable. We anticipated that the slower of you might not comprehend the sophistication of Our Pronouncement, but this outright defiance will not be borne. We direct you, our good Senators, to the divisiveness of the criminal Vecna's words, and his attempts to sway this righteous assembly to his malign will. We find these actions most heinous, as well as the manner in which he attacks those who oppose him in general, while attempting to procure the good will of those who suspect him specifically. We have determined that this self-centered attitude does not work to the prosperity of the cities of Rome. Your Emperor again commands all loyal Senators to consider the foul vermin Vecna in this new light, and castigate him with your vote of condemnation.

We have further made the following determinations.

While the Senator known as Creature is most tiresome and wrong-headed in many of his proposed initiatives, we find him to be a most loyal citizen. Our experience with this worthy opponent suggests that his conduct in this conclave, in contrast to other such congregations, has the best interests of the Empire at heart. Nevertheless, we find some of his proposals most disagreeable. In particular, we object to the aspersions he has cast upon the proposed construction of the Pyramids outside Imperial Rome, a project We Your Emperors are considering. We find that this Monument to the Gods will be most useful in perpetuating our lineage and our rule beyond the mortal sphere. Further, we would build this wonder to deny it to those other nations who would use it for ill. Further consultation is required before a decision is made regarding Rome's priorities - a grand series of Hanging Gardens also appeals to Our sophisticated aesthetic senses, and a Statue to Jupiter would allow our wisdom to echo through the ages more effectively. We implore Senator Creature not to close his mind to the beneficial effects of these grand projects out of fear for imagined dangers. Such cowardice is unworthy a Roman Senator.

We have also decided, in Our Wisdom, to grant the boon of our patronage to the Senators Beeboy and DEO. Both of these fine examples of Patrician nobility are doing their best to suss out the enemies of the Empire, and their thinking matches Our Own on many issues. We think We may be friends.

His Imperial Majesty
Augustus Caesar

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Nero, as you have found Us in a charitable mood, we shall deign to reply to your most impertinent query.

As nothing prior to our entrance to the Senate floor could possibly be of any consequence, and your collective blathering is most loud, obnoxious, and long-winded, We have chosen not to review the records of what came before. The eagle does not listen to the braying of the ass.

Regarding our opinion of your fellow Senator, and indeed of yourself, We withhold Our Judgment for the nonce. If their is something in particular you would have Us review, We will consider your request.

Senator DEO, my words should satisfy you as well, and we are likewise willing to listen to your cause.

Senator Nebby, your ignorance and impatience shows your roots as a mere plebian most acutely, and for your rudeness we will more readily lend Our Ears to Senator Nero, should his case be convincing.

The Senate is directed to disregard Our speech impediment.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator DEO, we have had a higher opinion of your faculties of comprehension than that.

We are withholding Our Opinion of the Senators in question until We form an opinion of Our Own based on what We have Seen. If, however, you wish to present Us with or direct Us to a concise case, We will Listen to you, as We hold you in high regard.

Senator Creature, We find this compromise acceptable, and you again prove that Our Trust in you is valid.

[Caesar Wills It]

Caesar wishes to extend His Acknowledgment to Senator NoticeMeSenpai for being the first loyal Patrician with the good sense to yield to Our mandate. We issue an invitation to Senator DEO to explain their resistance to our denunciation of the scoundrel Vecna.

We shall take this time to issue a few small decrees:

To the grumbling rabble muttering in their sleeves regarding Our Conduct and Style, off with you! We remind you that your most Imperial Caesars serve not your whims, but the Glory of Rome. Adapt.

Those inquiring after the health of my good and righteous Co-Emperor need not worry, He is well. Julius, occasionally and crudely called Aeronaut by irreverent fools, has elected to remain secluded and permit Me to take the lead in treating with this uncouth assemblage for now. Though the palace couriers have been bringing the minutes of the Senate's proceedings to His chamber door, they tell Me that they appear unopened. Worry not, for My Divine Wisdom is all you require to prosper. Julius will make an appearance on His schedule, not at the whim of His lessers.

We take this opportunity to express great suspicion of Senator Maxous. It has been said recently that he was seen taking coin from Germanic barbarians, and that his recent positions on the Senate floor have been bought and paid for by the enemies of the state. We are sure this cannot be true, but We wish to make clear that Our scrutiny is upon him.

His Imperial Majesty,
Augustus Caesar

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Lil is again reminded that We do not serve his interests or his whims, this time calling his disorder on the Senate floor out by name. A further outburst on your part will be met with a public flogging and formal censure.

Senator Fro99er, as We have said thrice now, We will be happy to review any case you have to present before this noble body. However, We have not and will not lower ourselves to wading through the mountains of scrolls which piled in our antechamber as the Senate bickered prior to Our Arrival, as if Our August Personage was some mere money-counter. Present or direct Our Eyes to the relevant document, and you will be heard. Elsewise be silent, and permit Us the dignity of forming Our own opinions.

Augustus

[Caesar Wills It]

Caesar wishes it known that he is appalled and most distressed at the absolute gall of the Senate in nearly doubling the number of missives We are expected to read in the brief time we set aside for Our Personal recreation. Honestly, what self-respecting Senate remains in session while its Glorious Emperor is indulging in leisure and drink? The sorry state of the Empire is such that One cannot partake in a simple orgy without One's servitors running amok.

Caesar shall catch up in His Own Time, and His Will shall not be gainsaid.

Long Live the Empire!

[Caesar Wills It]

Spoiler: Read this please

Look, I committed hard core to not breaking character, but 159 pages in six days? Seriously, fuck you people. That isn't a matter of 'tough nuts', it's a truly unreasonable expectation. There are shorter novels, and I have a real life, one which happens to be kind of tough at the moment. Aero seems to be flaking on me. I really REALLY want to play this game, but you're adding an AVERAGE of like 25 pages a day. There are entire games which are shorter than that.

160 pages used to be the neighborhood where all-time records hung out, and those games were strung over MONTHS. Why why WHY do you have to post non-stop? Where the hell is your decorum, your self-control? And then you have the gall to scumread people for not keeping up with your insanity? I'm sorry, but that's just not okay.

Slow down, play the game with a little more intelligence and a little less masturbatory spamminess. And for the love of fuck, STOP EGOPOSTING. I mean, Frogger, you've posted FIVE TIMES about YOURSELF while I was writing this.

Rant over.

[Caesar Wills It]

Spoiler: Rant

Spoiler: Read this please

Look, I committed hard core to not breaking character, but 159 pages in six days? Seriously, fuck you people. That isn't a matter of 'tough nuts', it's a truly unreasonable expectation. There are shorter novels, and I have a real life, one which happens to be kind of tough at the moment. Aero seems to be flaking on me. I really REALLY want to play this game, but you're adding an AVERAGE of like 25 pages a day. There are entire games which are shorter than that.

160 pages used to be the neighborhood where all-time records hung out, and those games were strung over MONTHS. Why why WHY do you have to post non-stop? Where the hell is your decorum, your self-control? And then you have the gall to scumread people for not keeping up with your insanity? I'm sorry, but that's just not okay.

Slow down, play the game with a little more intelligence and a little less masturbatory spamminess. And for the love of fuck, STOP EGOPOSTING. I mean, Frogger, you've posted FIVE TIMES about YOURSELF while I was writing this.

Rant over.

Then replace the fuck out

No. Your bad behavior does not mean I should be kicked out of my hobby.

The top five posters in this game have twice as many posts as everyone else combined. That's just plain selfish, rude, and displays a childish lack of control.

Stop it.

I wasn't going to bother requoting, but if people are basing read on it, okay.

Fro99er, your gameplay is not the issue. It's your poor sportsmanship and selfish, obnoxious attitude. If you have to make (*checks*) 422 posts to make your point, you're not making them effectively.

[Caesar Wills It]

Caesar is most pleased with the Senate's recent degree of discussion. Caesar was able to retire to his chambers following His castigation of this body and partake in a good night's sleep without His Senate flying into a flurry of tiresome activity. For this, We have decided not to dissolve this council permanently and sweep away the last remnants of the old Republic. How would Caesar have maintained control without the bureaucracy? The regional governors would have had direct control over their territories. Fear would keep the local citizens in line. Fear of Our Legions. But alas, the Senate has decided to be reasonable, and We shall forgive them.

Imperial Caesar will now hear your petitions and your arguments.

[Caesar Wills It]

We have observed the proceedings of this Senate with much interest on this day. Senator DEO, having previously established their loyalty to the Empire, presents an intriguing case, and has Our Ear. We have examined the evidence they presented against Senator Rampage, and are most disturbed by the display of deceit on his part. Our previous experience with Senator Rampage initially led us to indulge his penchant for, well, rampage, indeed We chose to view it with great amusement. However, Senator DEO makes a very effective case against the forked tongue of Senator Rampage in this instance. We judge him to have misplaced his previously-fabricated position on Senator Vecna, whose dastardly treason we are yet displeased with, and perceive that Senator Rampage made a misstep which betrayed his true motives.

Senator Rampage's highly personal and ad hominem attacks upon the honor of Senator DEO while we have been writing this dictum serve as evidence that the allegations against him have struck a nerve, and are righteous in their pursuit of Justice.

We hereby support Senator DEO's call for condemnation of Senator Rampage, and We shall be pleased to order him thrown to the lions upon approval of this motion by the Senate at large.

VOTE: Senator Albert B. Rampage

, may he toil forever beside Sisyphus in Tartarus.

[Caesar Wills It]

Caesar finds the arguments against investment in Cultural improvements unconvincing. It would be a boon for all, and hardly just the disloyal, to learn what wondrous constructions our neighbor realms have managed to build. This will grant the Imperial Senate the ability to strategize, and narrow down what we might expect from our neighbors. For example, We would not wish for it to be possible for a Senator to be able to claim to have consulted an Oracle in their district when we know that no such personage exists, and for such a claim to go unchallenged.

We recognize that the Senate is likely to pursue Natural investment, and we shall approve this measure if the Senate is resolved. It also provides benefits to the Empire.

We begin to suspect disloyalty from those who stubbornly resist to invest in the Empire at all.

The responsibilities on your Emperor are not nearly as great as they were last time the Senate was in session, though He has duties in the next few hours. The Senate should remain in session until Imperial Caesar is able to dispense His Wisdom in a short time.

VOTE: Cultural

[Caesar Wills It]

By Our Imperial Decree, We insist that Senator DEO confer with its constituents and comport itself with more cohesion.

In the vulgar vernacular, get your collective shit together.

[Caesar Wills It]

Rejoice, citizens!

We, your Emperor, are managing to keep abreast of developments within the Senate much better in this session than in the first. We care not whether this is due to the absence of certain obnoxious and vociferous Senators, a decrease in general prattle, or simply greater interest on Our part, but Glorious Rome has a dedicated ruler once more.

We of course have much to say, but We first dedicate this missive to disabusing stirrings of disloyalty to Our Person.

We hold thee in utter contempt, and dismiss your concerns with disdain.

We are not your servant, and it is not fit for you to criticize Our habits. We shall endeavor to address the Senate with greater frequency, but if you anticipate Us to make more a hundred speeches before this body within twenty-four hours, as do many Senators, you shall be disappointed. Live with it or be gone.

Finally, we address those whose patience or intellect is apparently not equal to the task of deciphering the quality of Our Speech - tough. We have chosen to address the Senate in this manner

because it amuses Us

. There is no ulterior motive nor attempt to deceive, it pleases us to employ a more sophisticated vocabulary, and that is all. If you lack the mental fortitude to perceive Our meaning, that is your failing, not Ours.

Nos sunt grata sit, non loqui

!

However, in our magnanimity, We hear the plight of Our People, and have decided to retain the services of a translator, a slave recently taken in the barbarian provinces of the Far North, whose speech is sufficiently akin to the grunts and brayings that our detractors employ that We hope their diminished wits may understand.

Expect a more topical speech from your Glorious Caesar forthwith.

Augustus Caesar

Spoiler: Grunts and Brayings

Alright you sons of whores, because the Boss Man thinks you're too dumb to understand, he's got me interpreting now.

Good for you.

Caesar doesn't work for you. He speaks the way he does because HE WANTS TO. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. This gimmick is the most fun he's had writing posts EVER. He's not giving it up, and he doesn't think it's a problem. Adapt.

Further, 173 pages in five and a half days or whatever is Fucking Horseshit. How fucking DARE you have a problem with people who can't keep up with that. He's mostly caught up now, having lost sleep trying to vainly skim the piles of manure you fuckwits produced D1, and is entirely current now.

Finally, he will be having me post TL;DL summaries down below here from time to time (NOT ALWAYS, I DON'T WANT TO WRITE EVERY POST TWICE). This is because some of you shitheads aren't actually listening to what he has to say, just because you don't like the gimmick. Grow up. It's a game, we're in it to have fun. This is what's fun for me. Be grateful it's not in Latin (that's the rough translation of "

Nos sunt grata sit, non loqui

.")

Like I said, I'm caught up now, and you can expect full participation. Not the gross overproduction that some people are doing, but a reasonable, well-reasoned couple of posts a day. You know, a sane amount. I'm in this for QUALITY, not QUANTITY.

Anticipate a content-filled post about my reads in a few hours. Maybe morning.It's Valentine's Day, and I'm going to go fuck my wife. You know. Because I have a life.

[Caesar Wills It]

Patricians and Senators, citizens all, it is a day of mourning throughout Imperial Rome!

Our beloved Great-Uncle, Julius Caesar, has gone to explore the heroic Fields of Elysium under the patronage of Great Mars. In his will, He has named Us His adopted Son and sole heir, and We inherit His titles, style, and responsibility as sole Emperor.

Senators DEO and Spiffeh also enter the Halls of Pluto this sad day, and we regret their passing. It is with a heavy heart that we welcome their deputies, Senator Mathblade and Senator nancy, to Our conclave. Senator Mathblade, as DEO's successor, is inherits Our admiration for his predecessor's loyalty. We feel We shall quickly come to a Judgment of her motives, as we have had dealings with her prior to her elevation to the Senate.

Our full views shall be expounded upon in a short time, in a dedicated speech to the Senate, but We wish to comment now on two things.

First, it is to Our great relief and happiness that the Senate's discourse has

finally

slowed to a point where We may remain fully caught up. We are current in the Senate's affairs, and from this point on, barring another absurd sequences of outbursts in a short period, you may expect your Glorious Emperor to take a fully active role in the Senate's affairs.

Second, we have had second thoughts of our suspicion of Senator Rampage, and shall be reviewing the Senate's records on him to make a determination as to whether Our initial impression or our later doubts were in the right.

Long live the Empire!

Spoiler: Grumbles and yowls for the reading imparied

Ugh, this translation gig again?

In short, Caesar is sad to see the people who replaced out go, but is gladdened by the replacements. Titus, we love you, but please never hydra with Math again. Math, of course, remains a TR. nancy, it's good to see you again, welcome to this utter shitshow of a thread. Please be Town.

I am fully caught up and will be assembling a much longer reads post over the next few hours.

I am absolutely delighted that in the last half day or so, the pace has slowed down to where I can actively stay abreast of new developments. I had a very busy day today, so I wasn't able to post in detail, but I'm putting together a wallpost.

I'm getting cold feet on my read of ABR. I need to ISO dive him a bit to figure out whether my initial SR or recent Townvibes are right.

Don't expect these translations to continue too much longer. I'm mostly doing this to mock the people who are too lazy to read Caesar's eloquent ramblings, and that's likely to get old pretty quickly. Plus writing a post twice is boring and inefficient.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Senpai, your perspicacity knows no bounds, and We appreciate your tact. It was indeed the scribe's fault, as Great Caesar is well aware of Senator Mathblade's preference. Needless to say, the offending scribe has had the smallest finger on his non-writing hand shortened by a knuckle, for his temerity in wrongly interpreting Our Decree. Caesar Himself is, of course, quite without flaw.

Senator nancy, We greet thee with equanimity, and accept your profession of loyalty. We are wary of your familiar tone, however, and will be monitoring you for attempts to falsely gain Our favor. Earn it through deeds, not by words.

Augustus

[Caesar Wills It]

We are inclined to interpret Senator Nero Cain's actions favorably, as they remind us of other occasions in which the Senator has proven his loyalty to the Empire.

Senator nancy's conduct likewise strikes us as genuine, though we continue to harbor concerns regarding her intent toward Our Person, and the ease with which she seems to rapidly make blanket assessments.

We your Emperor wish to reiterate Our Dictum of the prior session of the Senate, that the criminal known as Vecna has been found wanting in Our Sight, and we therefore denounce and abjure him, and bid Our Loyal Senate to cast him from these hallowed chambers into the deepest dungeon of the Coliseum, there to be devoured by tigers for the amusement of the masses.

We have not yet made a determination regarding Senator Rampage, and fatigue causes Our quill hand to beg Us for respite. We shall go to Our chamber to slumber, and on the morrow shall complete Our broad assessment of the members of this Senate.

VOTE: Vecna

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, let it not be said that Caesar neglects His citizens cries for counsel and succor. Ask, and ye shall receive.

We are at present fairly certain of the loyalties of the good Senators Mathblade, Nero Cain, and Creature, though We are frustrated with the stubborn insistence on wrong-headed proposals by the last.

We also have a modicum of respect for the intentions of Senators Senpai, davesaz, Brian Skies, and Maxous, though these perceptions remain under review.

Of late we have grown concerned with the conduct of Senators Leonshade, Sondam, and perhaps the representatives from Akane and Nebby. Our Judgment of these personages shall be inevitable, but fair. Be it said that they are not yet convicted in Our Sight.

We are yet of two minds concerning the villains Yuri and Rampage, convincing cases for both having been presented before the throne. It is Our intention to decide their fate within a day's time, but we are leaning towards conviction of both.

Finally, We have heretofore rendered Judgment against the barbarian Vecna, and it is the responsibility of all good Senators to cast their vote for this criminal's demise.

If presented with respect for Our Station, noble Caesar shall hear petitions for details concerning any of the aforementioned. Those not discussed have made little impression upon Us yet.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, We appreciate your enthusiasm and youthful vigor, but you shall have to trust Our Judgment regarding Senator Cain. We have had many long years of experience with the Senator, and have learned to recognize his moods.

When the Senator is in a disloyal mood, consorting with enemies of the Empire, he tends to skulk and slink in the shadows, entering the Senate chambers only to be counter-productive and divisive. When his interests align with Ours, however, he is proactive and intense, hunting the enemies of the Empire. We observe the latter from him in this matter.

Augustus Caesar

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Senpai, we have explained Our Reasoning in Our initial missive condemning the traitor Vecna. However, We shall grant your request, despite the impertinent manner of your plea.

Vecna, once a Senator, a respected member of this conclave, has used his exalted position to manipulate the destiny of Imperial Rome to his own advantage. We find that, in the first session of the Senate, he attempted to emerge as a leading voice in this body, directing the Senate where he wished. While it is fair to say that others misattribute the final push to condemn the belated Senator Beeboy to Vecna, and that that crime belongs to others, such a final push would not have been possible without ample groundwork being laid by the heathen Vecna. To disavow himself of the sad result is dishonest and utterly unrealistic, an abdication of his responsibility for this tragedy.

Further, we find the apostate Vecna's agenda to be wholly self-serving. He has repeatedly, on occasions too numerous to recount in a cogent fashion, demonstrated concern for himself over the welfare of the Roman people. We regard with disgust his propensity to counter-attack those who criticize him, seemingly without regard for the facts of the case. He has consistently reacted to judicious suspicion of his person with outrage and over-the-top false rage at his detractors.

Finally, we point to his recent antics, in which he flails about and lashes out at anyone in reach to blame his woes upon. He appeals writ large to the emotions of other Senators, attempting to sway them not with logic but with crocodile tears. We find the act of casting a vote against himself contemptible, and his quick removal of said vote cringe-worthy.

We command all loyal Senators to consider Our words and vote in accordance with your duty to Rome and your Emperor.

Augustus Caesar

Spoiler: A translator for the weak of mind

The case against Vecna is very simple. He has been manipulative and self-serving, and has tried to disavow himself of the beeboy wagon that he drove. Yes, he moved on to ABR at the end of the day, but I interpret that to be an attempt to distance himself from an impending mislynch. It remains to be seen whether he was pushing a second mislynch in ABR or soft-bussing. I suspect the latter, supported by the fact that his overenthusiastic rage for ABR at the end of D1 (remember when he declared a gladiator against ABR, and vetoed any votes not for ABR?) has evaporated into a haze of OMGUS against anyone who dares oppose him. Who's the new target? Maxous? Please. And holy AtE, Batman. It's so blatant and consistent that it can't be anything but intentional. Did you see that self-vote?

Scum.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Creature, you disappoint Us. Your question is disingenuous, and belongs in the mouths of those less loyal to Glorious Rome. I will endeavor to reply, however.

Should Vecna's true loyalty be established following his removal from the Senate chamber, we are presented with a series of quandaries. First, how could noble Caesar be wrong? The answer is that while your Emperor is infallible in His Judgment, He is only as good as the information provided to Him, and His messengers and scribes are but mere mortals. Mortal men are fallible.

Recognizing that mistakes in the Senate chamber occasionally occur, We would hazard to postulate that the business of governing Rome would continue as usual, The first order of business would be to hunt down villains who conspired against Senator Vecna and deceived His Majesty's Judgment. Senator Vecna's statements in council would be viewed with new light, and his suspicions would be given greater weight. Our attention would turn to Senators Yuri and Rampage, among others, though a grain of salt shall be added to Vecna's words due to his uncontrolled and wild behavior.

We have enjoyed this thought exercise, but consider it no more than such, as we are quite certain of the barbarian Vecna's guilt.

[Caesar Wills It]

You announced it with vulgar prose and ill wit. We Proclaimed it earlier and with much grander style.

We shall allow you this indulgence, as We are aware that imitation is a form of flattery, oft considered the highest. We accept your approbation.

[Caesar Wills It]

We believe We just said that, Senator Maxous.

Do try and keep up with Our Proclamations.

The ignoble scribe who penned this offends Us for speaking in Our Name improperly. He has been flogged.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Creature, we again find your words nonsensical and disingenuous. While We accept the notion that Our Judgment is only as good as the information We receive, and contemplate the idea that Our Perfection may be faulty due to the misinterpretation of facts, We do not consent to the violation of Our Person should this unthinkable event occur. Your proposal is preposterous, and no loyal patrician of Rome should agree to the notion. That is, quite simply, not how the game of the Senate is played.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, your visage brightens our day. Are you available for discourse? We find Ourself disposed to discussion for the nonce, and would use this time to develop a better understanding of you and your intentions.

Senator Creature, you become tiresome. It could be said that anyone in My Own Position who ventures forth with such distinction hazards Their Own Reputation with such strong condemnation. Be ye satisfied and silent, or participate in Our Discourse productively.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy We are fluent in the vernacular tongue. While We regard it as a mark of accorded respect to address Us properly, We shall not require it. We understand that most Senators assembled here have been raised from the ranks of ordinary patricians, even elevated from lowly plebians, and do not expect you to meet the high standard of speech which We hold Ourself to.

We encourage you to retire to your chambers. We shall continue Our discussion when you are fresh and rested.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, if you have not yet left the Senate chambers, would you clarify for the assembly whether your list of suspicions ascends or descends in suspected disloyalty? We find your suspicions largely in line with Our Own, but the priority of yon list is ambiguous. If this call does not reach you before your visit to Hypnos, son of Nyx and Erebus, We shall await your reply when you next greet Aurora, She of the Dawn.

Senator Leonshade, we find your queries to somewhat affirm our ill feelings toward you, as they seem to convey information when they in fact do not. We are concerned that this demonstrates an attempt to appear more interested in the welfare of Imperial Rome than you are. Nevertheless, We shall expound.

Senators Maxous and Skies have entered Our preliminary Good Graces due to what appears to be concerted efforts to root out treason and betrayal among their fellow Senators. They have some distance to go before fully earning Our Confidence, but for now they merit a modicum of Trust.

We find it possible that the heinous Vecna might conspire with Senator Rampage, as the former's antipathy towards the latter appears feigned in hindsight. We again point out that the dubious rage with which the vile Vecna castigated Senator Rampage at the end of the first Senatorial session has largely evaporated, consigned to mere dislike and half-hearted probes against him, easily distracted when new targets, such as Senator Maxous or Ourself are presented.

In short, aye. We find the prospect of a foul alliance between the two to be a possibility worthy of further study. As they teach in the Legion, however, leave the planning of tomorrow's battle until after today's Victory is achieved.

For the Glory of Rome,
Augustus Caesar.

[Caesar Wills It]

No.

We hereby dismiss the preceding question as spurious. Senator Creature's loyalty is not in question here, and the only purpose to such a pointed query is to impugn his motives malignly. Evidence has been presented against the villain Vecna, to which Senator Creature has broadly agreed. This Senate has more than one scoundrel within it, and the Senator may hold more than one view on their identity without reproach.

Senator Leonshade, consider yourself on notice.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Creature, We would prefer you not attempt the familiarity of using Our personal given name. We prefer to be addressed by Our Title, Caesar, or by Our Regnal Name, Augustus. Using both is truly the proper address, but you are a generally loyal Senator and We are inclined to indulgence.

We have indeed considered a variety of scenarios in which Vecna's actions may be construed as loyal, but We find betrayal on his part the more likely possibility.

Senator nancy, We thank you for your clarification, but request that you speak to your heraldic master about altering the colors of your house. Pale blue offends Us, as we find that your toga blends too seamlessly with the walls of the Senate chamber. May We suggest red, orange, or pink, or a shade of green?

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator, we have decided to hold our suspicions of Senator Rampage in abeyance for now, reserving Our Judgment pending additional evidence. To be frank, We intend to sift through the scrolls produced by the Senate Exchequer regarding Senator Rampage in isolation, but dread the attention to detail such a task requires of Us. We are procrastinating. We invoke Our Imperial Privilege to excuse this delay.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senators, while your homage to our style and manner of speech is most gratifying, We remind you that We are fluent in the vernacular, and such efforts are neither required nor likely to curry you Our Favor. We also are put in mind of the disharmony of a musical note which is nearly right, but is dissonantly flat. Such a musical note serves not to add to the melody, but to distract from it. We advise you of lower birth not to hurt yourselves in your attempts to flatter Us.

Senator nancy, We shall take your position under advisement when We begin the arduous task of adjudicating Senator Rampage's guilt or innocence. Your candor is appreciated.

Senator Senpai, We continue to disagree with your assessment of the traitor Vecna, but you have Our Attention. Waste it not.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Mathblade, you are out of order. Restrain yourself, or the Praetorian Guard shall take you into custody until your madness has passed. We disdain to respond to your spurious allegations, as they have no basis in fact.

Likewise, we dismiss the heathen Vecna's protestations of innocence. When he submitted his resignation to the Senate Exchequer, We briefly considered that We may have been wrong about him, but his withdrawal of said resignation only seals his fate further. This is an appeal to the emotions of the Senate on a grand scale. His attempts to draw parallels between his behavior and that of Senator Rampage discards the incontrovertible fact that this sort of behavior is typical of Senator Rampage's established character. We would also point out that Senator Rampage is not at issue here, but rather the criminal Vecna himself. Drawing a false dichotomy between the two is misleading at best, a vile deception at worst.

[Caesar Wills It]

We have reviewed your theories and find the logic incomplete and speculative. Quite frankly, you are jumping to conclusions with insufficient evidence. We appreciate your efforts to solve this crisis, but you have drifted into paranoia, and allowed your fears to control you.

We indulge your doubts concerning the traitor Vecna, as we do Senator Senpai's, but concocting elaborate constructs of fantasy do you ill credit.

Regarding Senators Akane and Nebby, We will hear your case.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Nebby, We are glad you concur with Us on this matter, but your simple agreement shall not serve to deter Our suspicion of you.

Senator Mathblade we have long valued your loyalty, and your willingness to see reason pleases Us, and We regret using such terms as 'madness.' We assure you that your concerns are in fact paranoia, which occurs it Us is further evidence of your loyalty. We are therefore resolved to indulge you and cooperate with your questions.

Your queries, however, are quite broad, your thoughts rather disorganized. As Our time is valuable and Our patience is finite, We command you to please rephrase your query to be more concise and direct. We shall endeavor thereafter to satisfy your interest.

Spoiler: A brief translation

I'm still hard TRing you, Math, but you've been all over the map. Please specify who you want reads on and which of the many questions you've asked that you're referring to.

[Caesar Wills It]

We are confused, Senator Mathblade. We feel we have been rather transparent regarding Senator Senpai. We have certified their loyalty to the Empire several times, though We acknowledge that Our confidence in this matter is of somewhat middling strength. Were you inquiring after a more thorough explanation of Our reasoning in this matter? Our assessment is largely tonal in nature, but We find their dedication to sussing out Truth to be laudable.

Senators Akane and Nebby we have had deepening suspicion of, as previously noted. We find them largely unproductive, content to spew more information than analysis as well as engaging in churlish distracting behavior. Of late, We have expressed concerns that they are engaging in opportunistic practices, attempting to conceal their ill intent within commonly-accepted trends. We also worry that they are attempting to curry Our favor illicitly.

As for Senator Yuri...We confess that We remain undecided. As with Senator Rampage, we recognize many things about Senator Yuri's conduct which confuses Us. We perceive some actions which suggest loyalty to the Empire, and others which hint at consortation with Barbarians. We have intended to delve more deeply into the actions of these two Senators for some time, and matters of leisure have distracted Us from this duty.

At the behest of Senators Mathblade and nancy, whom We honor for their dedication to the Empire, We consent to set aside a parcel of Our valuable and finite time this evening to investigate these suspected felons. We are taking Our Empress on a romantic carriage ride followed by a banquet in Her Honor this evening, as She has a wish to venerate feast day the Christian martyr Valentinus. Pressing matters of state rendered Us incapable of acquiescing to Her request on the proper date, so We feel obliged to Our Wife on this one. We, of course, venerate the traditional gods of Our Forefathers, noble Jupiter chief among them, but we indulge the Empress in this manner.

Your Most Righteous Imperator,
Augustus Caesar.

[Caesar Wills It]

We absolutely despise that question, Senator Peregrine. We find it to be trite and meaningless, used most often to falsely paint a loyal Senator confident of their position as weak and uncertain. We have several times considered banning its utterance from Our Hearing.

Mighty Caesar welcomes you back to these chambers, Senator Peregrine. What say you of the criminal Vecna?

[Caesar Wills It]

We also find this superstition regarding the number three as disloyal to be tiresome, outdated, and invalid, Senator Peregrine. Would the Senator care to spout any more tired old aphorisms?

[Caesar Wills It]

Most traitors are stupid. This superstition is just that - superstition. And avoiding such for similar reasons is just as stupid.

[Caesar Wills It]

What is all this ruckus? Praetorian Guards, remove this blabbering plebian from the Senate chambers at once!

The Imperial Senate is commanded to disregard that madman's ramblings, and move ahead with the proceedings to cast the traitor Vecna from Our halls.

We have commanded the Imperial scribes to commence with the investigations into Senators Rampage and Yuri, as of now, to fulfill Our promise to Senators Mathblade and nancy.

[Caesar Wills It]

Your adulation of Us is right and good, and no less than We deserve. Nonetheless, it warms Our Heart, and We bestow Our Blessing upon you.

Senator nancy, we have concluded Our survey of Senator Rampage's records, and We have reached a preliminary conclusion against him. As We have stated previously, Our experience with Senator Rampage suggests that his outrage and chaotic bearing is a feature of his personality, and his attempts to pursue suspected felons appears at first glance to be sincere and earnest. However, when viewed in larger context, Rampage's behavior seems carefully calibrated to cause disruption and division. There is always a certain toxicity to the Senator, but We perceive a greatly increased degree of the negative aspects of his conduct. It is Our finding that the once-noble Senator has abused his exalted position to disrupt avenues of discourse harmful to his agenda and discredit unjustly those whom he perceives as threat. We note his deeply personal conflict with Senator DEO, which caused their untimely departure from this plane. We also cannot reconcile a loyal Senator Rampage with the series of deceptions documented most efficaciously by the late Senator DEO. Finally, it is Our Judicious Opinion that the dispute between Senator Rampage and the villain Vecna at the end of the Senate's first session was a fiction composed for Our benefit, designed to deceive the Senate into thinking they could not both be treasonous against Us.

We hereby strip Albert B Rampage of all rank, style, and title, attaint his name and House, and have ordered a cohort of the Third Legion to seize his assets and holding pending conviction by the Senate. No longer shall he be afforded any rights or privileges due to a member of the Imperial Senate, and instead he is accorded Our Imperial Disdain. We brand this man as a criminal and traitor to the Realm, and command no patrician to treat kindly with him.

This is Our Judgment in this matter.

CAESAR WILLS IT

[Caesar Wills It]

We shall continue Our investigations into Senator Yuri on the morrow. Such detailed efforts tax Us greatly, and We have other duties as your Imperator.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, We are quite capable of defending Ourself, thank you.

Senator Mathblade, We have acknowledged previously that fact which has been a closely guarded state secret: that We are mortal, fallible, and susceptible to error. We do not consent to placing Our Life and Person upon thy sacrificial alter should Our analysis prove inaccurate, nor should any loyal citizen make such a wager. Errors made in good faith ought not be compounded with undue self-flagellation, much less suicide by the only citizen We know beyond doubt to be loyal to Rome. Despite Our refusal to acquiesce to your demand, know that We have high confidence in Our decrees, and are prepared to take responsibility for them even should they prove Unjust.

We also brace thee with condescension for your choice of libation. While the piss-water you imbibe is sufficient for enticing callow youths for conquest, real men and women drink the spirits sourced north of Hadrian's Wall. Or at least un-watered-down Bud. Come on, thou weenie.

[Caesar Wills It]

Be it known that Our attention has returned to the Senate's deliberations, and We intend to see all questions posed to Us, including Our assessment of Senator Yuri, before we next slumber. If there are any within this chamber who would like to make petition for Our more immediate attention, or request We assign priority to one of the matters before Us, let them speak now.

[Caesar Wills It]

Vecna, We have indeed stated on several occasions the answer to your rather insipid question. Indeed, a large section of Our most recent significant address to the Senate was devoted to the subject you question. We do indeed find it quite likely that thou and the criminal Rampage have conspired together against Our people and the Senate. We highlighted the challenge you presented to then-Senator Rampage in the first session of this council, in fact. We find this performance to be a fabrication for Our benefit, intended not in earnest, but as a tactic to distance yourself from your partner in treason. We perceive that, were your challenge sincere, you would not have abandoned it in Our second session. We note that, at the end of the first session, you were affecting foam at the mouth and blood from your eyes, calling for the live vivisection of then-Senator Rampage, while continuing to agitate for the condemnation of the late Senator Beeboy, whose death you lobbied for throughout Our first session. However, as soon as the second session was gaveled in, you, traitor, found new objects to sate your lust for Roman blood. We are not fooled by this deception, nor do We allow it to pass without comment.

We note again that this analysis is hardly new, and this is at least the third time We have expounded upon it, albeit at greater length now.

Caesar has spoken.

[Caesar Wills It]

What of it? Barbarian sympathizers inherently lack loyalty, and We have previously observed the traitor Vecna's propensity for using his own kind as shields for his worthless person. We find the sibilant imprecations of such a traitor less than worthless, and indicative of little.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Mathblade, We concur with your assessment that proceeding with the conviction of the criminal Rampage this session is likely the most prudent and productive course of action. We shall not, however, move on this state of affairs until the former Senator returns from his travels abroad. It is contrary to the Senate's rules of conduct to prosecute the accused

in absentia

when it can be avoided. As patron of Rome, We owe Our primary allegiance to Jupiter above, but We also venerate Lady Iustitia, She of Justice and Law. Senate rules oblige Us to hear the accused Rampage's defense before proceeding to execution.

Rest assured, Senators Mathblade and nancy, We shall join thee in prosecuting the traitor upon his return.

Our scribe has been flogged.

[Caesar Wills It]

Traitor Vecna, seek not to tarnish Our name with your lies and falsehoods! We find your dishonesty most treacherous and vile.

As the Senate record will show, We did in fact condemn then-Senator Rampage in the Senate's first session. Further, the records provided by the Exchequer will demonstrate that not once have We expressed a surety of the criminal Rampage's loyalty. Rather, We have found him suspicious from Our first mention of him.

We challenge the heathen Vecna to demonstrate evidence to the contrary, and to produce the scrolls upon which We allegedly vouched for Senator Rampage's good intents.

[Caesar Wills It]

In Our haste to repudiate the vermin Vecna's atrocious deception, Our scribe neglected to produce the relevant scrolls which disprove the traitor's preposterous allegations.

We hereby rectify that oversight.

Senator Creature, your vote in council is required on either of the criminals Vecna or Rampage.

[Caesar Wills It]

Mighty Caesar regrets that affairs of state have demanded Our attention of late, rest assured that We shall return Our attention here today.

[Caesar Wills It]

Utter nonsense.

Caesar and His loyal subjects have stalled quite specifically because We were awaiting your return to answer the charges against you. Senate tradition frowns upon prosecution and conviction

in absentia

. However, as you are now present and have little to say for yourself, thou villain, We now sanction a return to hostilities and endorse the motion against thee with Our vote in conclave.

We condemn thee to die, former Senator Rampage. May Pluto in His Wisdom judge you fairly, and consign you to the tender ministrations of the Furies in Tartarus.

VOTE: Albert B Rampage

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Mathblade, We appreciate your crude attempt at discretion, but We did not instruct Our personal architects to construct a Statue honoring Father Jupiter. We instead bade finest stonemasons to construct a Pyramidal tomb for Our dynasty to repose for eternity in, that Our Wisdom and guiding Judgment might lead the world for a thousand years. Alas, it was not to be. Our workers had only begun to lay the foundation when rumors came from across the Tyrrhenian Sea that some upstart nation had stolen Our idea and constructed it themselves, most likely in a smaller and shabbier fashion, and of inferior stone. We take this as a sign from the Heavens that our plebian workers require additional training in order to better serve Imperial Rome, and have devoted Our efforts this session to improving their lot.

As for the barbarian Rampage, We remain steadfast in Our stand against him. Once a fine and dedicated politician serving Mother Rome, former Senator Rampage is quite unlikely to be taken in by attempts to coerce his admission of guilt by fabricating a premature conviction. While the Exchequer of the Senate does a splendid job tallying the votes of this conclave, any legislator worth his salt checks the votes himself before admitting defeat, and takes the opportunity to falsify a confession of innocence.

We are unconvinced.

Caesar echoes Senator Mathblade's affirmation that whether or not the traitor Rampage constructed a Statue to the Patron of Rome is thoroughly irrelevant, and proving this to be fact says nothing whatever about his ties to Barbarians. Indeed, we find his claim entirely plausible. A heathen may construct a shrine to the Father of the Gods as well as a loyal citizen can, and even make use of its power. Indeed, we contend that this power in the hands of the disloyal is quite dangerous, as it prevents an enterprising citizen of Rome from taking matters into their own hands, a notion that then-Senator Rampage was surely paranoid about at the end of Our first session.

We repeat the call to Senator Creature that he not be ruled by his personal vanity allegation, and that he return his vote where it belongs. We are most distressed at Senator nancy's sudden turn away from the cause of Justice, and likewise command her to honor her obligations.

[Caesar Wills It]

We agree with Senator Mathblade on a myriad of topics, but concerning the matter of architectural priority, We worry that they have been visiting the apothecary overmuch for a very dank herb, as that is the only plausible way they might honestly believe that.

[Caesar Wills It]

Our phrasing in that last was careless; We believe that Senator Mathblade's beliefs are earnest and well-intentioned, but overly simplistic and not in keeping with common sense.

[Caesar Wills It]

More of this Greek blasphemy, heathen? We pray only that Noble Jupiter allows Us to convict thee before He lays you low for your temerity.

Alas! The heathen has even bewitched Our scribes! Guards, to Me!

[Caesar Wills It]

While We your Imperator see a multitude of benefits to a standing army tax, the drawbacks on Our Empire are too great a burden to bear. We vote nay.

VOTE: Nay

[Caesar Wills It]

Nonsense, Senator Nebby. This council has made little if any serious action towards convicting you, it costs Senator Leonshade nothing to defend you against what small tribulations have been thrown your way. This would, indeed, be a classic tactic for the traitorous, as it gains them an ally for no cost.

If thou hast serious cause to clear the Senator's name, Caesar shall hear thy petition. Until then, We admonish thee for being so easily swayed.

Ahem. The morning is yet freshly upon Us, and We forgot to clear Our throat.

Senator Creature, We remind thee that noble Jupiter made an announcement to that effect some time ago.

[Caesar Wills It]

It is Our understanding that Senator Senpai, whose given name is Jaereed, works alone. We believe that he consults with Our dear friend Mastina but rarely, and that she provides advice and counsel only. Senator Jaereed Senpai's actions, therefore are his own.

We provide as evidence of this assessment Our long-standing and intimate friendship with the inestimable Senator Emerita Mastina, and affirm that Senator Senpai's conduct in this conclave bear little resemblance to the Senator Emerita's style.

[Caesar Wills It]

Aha, Senator Alisae! Your true face is revealed! Your clever disguise behind the mask of Nebby did not fool your Emperor. We greet you, now that your deception is cast aside, and presume you shall pay Us homage as reparations for the attempt.

[Caesar Wills It]

Of course not. Your Emperor is far too clever to be taken in by such a rudimentary trick. However, as We are a magnanimous ruler, We were compelled to 'play along' with your tomfoolery, and for that We are displeased with you. What evidence have you of your loyalty to Us? We have had difficulty ascertaining this thus far.

[Caesar Wills It]

Then Caesar remains unconvinced, though He acknowledges that a traitor would almost certainly have taken such an opportunity to try gaining Our confidence.

[Caesar Wills It]

We find this lack of faith from Senator Lil Uzi Vert disturbing. It reminds Us of some oddities We observed from him at the end of the previous session. We shall be investigating these oddities and shall present Our findings to the Senate forthwith.

Senator Alisae, We are quite certain of the loyalty of Senator Creature. Desist with your spurious allegations.

[Caesar Wills It]

.....Excuse me while I go buy Civ VI.

DAMN YOU ELBIRRRRNNNNNNN (also where did your scumread on me go, broski? Your stubbornly shit read on me is why I think you're prob not scum, don't make me paranoid plz)

Ehhhh. Civ 6 was not really an inspired addition to the franchise.

That said, I didn't compare Civ V favorably to Civ IV when it was new, but after various expansions and overhauls it's my favorite edition so far. So we'll see.

Blast and damn, insufferable scribe! What have We said to you about opening thy yap on the Senate floor!

[Caesar Wills It]

Also, We were unaware of this mythical land called 'Australia.' Please excuse Us for a time to investigate this.

[Caesar Wills It]

Sweet Aphrodite! This land of Australia possesses an orange flag adorned with a creature I am told is called a 'kangaroo!' We must embark upon a journey to sample this land's delights and perils at once!

[Caesar Wills It]

Caesar regrets His absence from this discussion; We have been afflicted with an illness of late. Our Royal apothecary assures Us that We are on the mend and will be fit to return and serve Rome soon.

[Caesar Wills It]

Rejoice, citizens! Glorious Caesar has returned to guide you once more!

We shall be endeavoring to familiarize Ourself with discussion during Our absence, but entreat the Senators to update us on the proceedings of the Senate.

What passes this day?

[Caesar Wills It]

Ridiculous. The ghost's charges against the good Senator shall be hereby dismissed.

Next petition!

[Caesar Wills It]

As We have previously stated, We have deep skepticism about Senator Leonshade's loyalty, but have not yet committed to a conviction of him yet.

We would hear the petition regarding Senator Maxous forthwith.

The scribe is a lie.

[Caesar Wills It]

Truly she is a tricksy wench. What say ye tell Us your own thoughts?

[Caesar Wills It]

It surprises Us not at all that the most fickle and treacherous of this Senate conspire against us. Like Brutus and Cassius before them, those who betray their Emperor shall be hunted down and destroyed utterly, their souls consigned to Tartarus.

[Caesar Wills It]

We have briefly reviewed the words of those Senators who stand against the throne. In a moment of mercy, We offer succor to these faithless wretches, and shall engage their concerns about Us. We address each of the Senators directly, in order of the Exchequer's most recent accounting of the voter rolls:

Senator

Creature

, your allegation against Us seems largely founded upon three minor points. First, you have stated several times a desire for Us to be 'sorted,' implying your own senses are inadequate to the task. Second, you clearly object to Our style and mannerisms, for which We can offer you no solution and encourage you to get over it. Finally, you recently expressed doubts that Our recent absence was genuine, despite public evidence to the contrary. We have recently recovered from a bout of illness and a general absence from these lands, with some few exceptions. Your antipathy towards Us seems largely a matter of paranoia and shiftlessness, and We encourage you to set your own inadequacies aside and return to the task at hand. More directly, We would ask why you are focusing on the conviction of One you have difficulty reading, rather than one whose guilt is more clear? Additionally, what mean you by "BoP"? It is not a term we are generally familiar with.

Senator

Brian Skies

, your case against us seems to be wholly without merit. We have perused everything you have had to say in the Senate chambers and can find no clear reason for your position. We command you to clarify it, or state what you would have from Us to satisfy your suspicions.

Senator

nancy

, We have indulged your flippancy out of personal affection for you, but desist this game. We are aware that your entire grounds for raising a hand against Us is to see what happens. What occurred is that in Our absence of nigh a week's time, only such an anemic gathering as the paranoid Senator Creature, the shiftless Senator Brian, and the suspected criminals Leonshade and Vecna have joined you. We had hopes that you might join us in a coalition for the benefit of the Empire with thee, but We fear those hopes may be dashed if this disagreement cannot be set aside.

Senator

Leonshade

, you are only just barely yet worthy of that title. We have little confidence whatever that you remain loyal to the Glory of Rome, but should We be wrong, we shall yet treat with thee. We have perused your contributions to the Senate, and find a Ourself at a loss for how to address your concerns, as they seem utterly devoid of any original thought regarding Us. In sessions past, you have endorsed the words of Senator Spiffeh against us, and purport to have winnowed the list of possible traitors down to a large pool which includes Us, and most recently you concur with the traitor Vecna against Us. However, We see nothing written in your own hand which We may address. While We feel it is likely a waste of Our Finite Time, We command thee to clarify your position that We may engage it.

To the criminal

Vecna

, We have nothing to say to thee. Hie thee from Our Sight, or stand and be Judged.

We are preparing a lengthier address to the Senate regarding Our positions and thoughts on the Senate's discussions in Our absence, but We shall take matters one step at a time. For now, suffice it to say that We are most confident in renewing Our call to convict the barbarian Vecna.

VOTE: Vecna

[Caesar Wills It]

Ghost Peregrine, the notion that We have held but two solitary positions in this convention of the Senate is preposterous. With very little research, one can easily determine that we decried the false conviction of Senator beeboy, explored connections between the criminal Vecna and the lamented Senator Rampage, strongly suspect Senator Leonshade, as well as Senator Sondam to some degree, defended Senators Creature and Mathblade on numerous occasions, and believe in the loyalty of Senators Nero Cain, Alisae, and Senpai. We have given somewhat more nuanced appraisals of Senator Maxous and the late Senator Kyouko. Finally, We are presently preparing a case for the conviction of the suspected criminal Lil Uzi Vert.

Quite frankly, the only members of this assemblage whom We have not given clear opinions of are Senators Yuri and Elbirn, in addition to yourself. The suggestion that We have cleaved to only two thoughts these past sessions is ludicrous, and suggests that thou art paying even less attention than We thought.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Mathblade, We are perplexed. We have made Our case for the loyalty of Senator Nero many times in Our own words. In short, We are citing Our own personal experience with the Senator, including several recent debates with him, as evidence of his loyalty.

Senator nancy, We have decided to respect your position against Us, and have resolved to vindicate Ourselves in your eyes through deeds rather than trite and petty words. We look forward to welcoming you back into the fold.

Spoiler: Translation

Nero is Town by meta. I've played with him off and on for six years, from one of my very first non-Newbie games on, and this isn't his scumgame. I just saw that recently in NY199 where we were scum together. He tends to be lurky and flippant as scum, and will usually try to break up any Townblocs or productive discussion. Here he has been vocal and aggressive, which is his Towngame. Granted, that has tailed off a bit, but he's settled into the stubborn attitude I generally see from Town NC. I'm not claiming to have a deep soulread on him, but my gut says that this is Town!Nero, same as it says this is Town!Creature.

[Caesar Wills It]

Gracious patrician Gin, it gladdens Our Imperial Heart to see you surmount the electoral contest to replace the retiring Senator Elbirn! It pleases Us greatly to now bestow upon you the title of Roman Senator. We bid thee courage in thy efforts to catch up, and caution against undue haste in braving the archives of the Senate proceedings.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, I have given my views on nearly every member of the Imperial Senate as recently as a few hours ago.

Senator Gin, we are aware that you are new to your exalted post, but surely you know to pay homage to your Emperor.

[Caesar Wills It]

Aha! We knew when We were preparing that address that We'd forgotten

someone

. Senator davesaz has made little impression upon Us. We will endeavor to correct that lack for you, Senator nancy.

Our scribe has gotten especially uppity lately. He shall be flogged.

[Caesar Wills It]

We have, but occasionally Our scribe writes in haste.

[Caesar Wills It]

Quite simply, We found were interpreting Senator DEO's actions as broadly loyalist and Senator Rampage's as broadly disloyal. We found The DEO's case against Senator Rampage in Our first session to be righteous, and in line with Our own thoughts. Senator Rampage's venom and toxicity against Senator DEO, rather than engaging their points, sealed Our view on the matter.

Spoiler: Grrr

MOTHERFUCKER

I swear, I'm not doing this on purpose. I use an entirely different Internet client for each alt and hydra, and color the background differently.

[Caesar Wills It]

We will give your suggestion some thought. There are entirely too many nuances to the question to answer immediately. We shall review Our long-standing positions in light of this new perspective.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, We have completed Our review of Senator davesaz. We find very little remarkable about his participation in this convening of the Senate, which is itself remarkable. This gives us reason to immediately suspect his intentions, as We find an extreme dearth of original thought or effort at solving the dilemma before Us. Davesaz's records are rife with small speeches with little of worth, meaningless questions, and weak endorsements of others' positions. We find it likely that he is trying to blend into the crowd behind the din of louder representatives.

[Caesar Wills It]

Deal with it. We are not beholden to your approval, Our thoughts are honest, and Our own.

[Caesar Wills It]

Noble Senators, I hear your dissatisfaction and turmoil, and request quarter. A brief recess while tempers cool, and for Us to address these new and spurious charges in full light of day.

Spoiler: Translation

Ugh, there's a bunch I want to say, but it's 4AM and I have a six-hour training in the morning. I'm quite confident that I can eviscerate the wagon on me, as I've actually examined the cases against me and the only one with any original thought or attempt at gamesolving is nancy, maybe Math. The rest is largely thinly-veiled OMGUS and "lol why not this wagon seems fun." Looking at you, CK. My training ends around 3PM EST tomorrow, but I might be able to get out early considering it's a basic first aid/CPR class I need to qualify as a trainer and I'm a professional EMT. Don't lynch me til then and I'll finish this omnibus case on LUV and finish re-evaluating Vecna.

And stop hating on Caesar, he's really fun

[Caesar Wills It]

Spoiler: Ugh

Ugh.

I'm sorry guys, I've been really checked out the week or so. I know, if you look simply at quantity of posts my activity site wide is just fine, but I haven't had my heart in anything. Honestly, I haven't been taking my meds as faithfully as I ought. I'm trying to get back on track. I'll try really hard for tomorrow to be a productive day. I really enjoy this game in particular, but it's just been an effort to care about the things I care about, you know? My various issues are like that. I don't want to bring my problems here, but I've had it rough the last month or so. I'm trying, I really am.

Love

[Caesar Wills It]

What ho, Senators!

Your Glorious Emperor tends to concur with Senator Lil Uzi Vert regarding Senator Sondam, but as We suspect the former's motives, We are less secure in this assessment.

Much of what has gone on in Our absence feels like the Senate's usual frustration and inactivity. We believe many of the present candidates for conviction to be victims of plots by enemies of the Empire, looking to seize upon the Senate's intractability.

Spoiler: Prodge?

This isn't

really

a blatant prodge, but I'm in that range.

I'm trying here, guys. I've been mostly keeping up, but it's been hard to muster the effort to do the heavy lifting I really need to do to make a real re-entrance. Suffice to say that I have some good reasons to suspect LUV, and will do my damnedest to post my case on him before day end in case I die (unlikely, given the potential to ML me.) Sondam was/is also on my list, but LUV looking to opportunistically move on them makes me uneasy.

Most of the wagons right now are trash.

[Caesar Wills It]

Specifically, the efforts against Senators Senpai, nancy, and yourself meet with Our disdain, as does lingering resentment against Our Person. The attacks against Senator davesaz also seem baseless, though We object with less vigor. We have no feelings whatever regarding Senator Cloudkicker, as Our investigation of him remains inconclusive, and We approve of incipient movement against Maxous and Leonshade.

We have given the criminal Vecna the additional scrutiny that Senator nancy requested, in light of her insight, but remain steadfast in Our judgment against the traitor. However, We recognize that perseverating for a conviction of the barbarian in this session is likely a fruitless effort, so we will lend the efforts against the scoundrel Leonshade Our blessing.

We fervently hope to elaborate on these positions soon.

VOTE: Leonshade

[Caesar Wills It]

The preceding address was directed to Senator Nero Cain.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Creature, We invite you to convince Us that the scoundrel Leonshade is loyal to the Empire. We recognize that, in the course of good service, two upright citizens may arrive at opposing opinions from the same facts. We find Ourselves in such a situation, and will endeavor to convince you of the virtue of Our cause. May the wiser man prevail upon the better angels of the other.

Spoiler: ...

On a five-minute break in my CPR/First Aid instructor training, I'll make a case when I get home. Today's a good day. Make your Towncase and we'll compare notes.

[Caesar Wills It]

Sondam is also on Our list of suspected felons, though far from the top of said list. That said, with the Senate convening in such large numbers, We must presume that barbarian influences are endemic among a proportional number of corrupt officials. Even were We entirely correct in Our primary suspicions of the criminals Vecna, Lil Uzi Vert, Leonshade, and perhaps Maxous, those scoundrels would yet have at least one accomplice among Us. We needn't be stingy with Our scorn. We would support an exploratory conviction from among Our lesser reads at need.

With regard to Senator davesaz, We have heard no case presented to Us which We find convincing. The Senate may present its petitions for Our attention.

Spoiler: ...

As you may tell from my increased activity, even on a workday when I'm quite busy, my mental health is a lot better, and I'm a lot more engaged. Hopefully this carries through to this evening, and I'll be able to power through a solid couple of hours of building cases on my reads.

[Caesar Wills It]

Please present you case against Senator davesaz, or direct Us to where you have concisely presented it already.

[Caesar Wills It]

Also, Senator Creature, We concur with your position regarding parliamentary rules of protocol in large quora of the Senate.

We have no case for the loyalty of Senator davesaz, and are in fact not maintaining that particular position. However, We are entirely mystified as to what the actual allegations against him are, or why they are better than those presented against other candidates more worthy of conviction in Our eyes. The burden of proof is generally upon the accuser, not upon the bystander.

Why is Senator davesaz a better candidate than, say, Sondam? Or Maxous? Some support has been given for each of these, and We see more merit to those cases. We are concerned that you are pushing for a decision to appease consensus rather than Justice.

[Caesar Wills It]

We concede to the Senator's wishes, and will abandon Our efforts against the suspected felon Leonshade for this session of the Senate.

Senator Nero, while We appreciate that thou art actually answering Our question instead of merely throwing a tantrum, simply lacking presence of mind or failure to deliver on one's promises is a scant reason to hazard a man's life. Much the same could be said of your Glorious Emperor, after all, though We anticipate that situation being rectified within the next day or so.

Senator Creature, desist with your ragings against Us and those who yet express a desire for measured action. Though We are yet unprepared to throw caution to the wind does not make Us obstructionist. We have conceded that the time for personal vendettas is past, but We are yet two days from the point where a panicked conviction is Our only option.

As such, We are willing to forego Our stronger allegations in favor of those We merely suspect, as viability in this session has become a matter of import. We propose a compromise on the rogue Sondam, as We find the case against Senator davesaz to be insufficient at present.

VOTE: Sondam

Senator Mathblade, your allegations against Senator Nero are preposterous and wholly non-viable at present. Desist.

[Caesar Wills It]

Well, Senator Creature, the question is not merely one of Justice, but of viability. We saw support for convictions against Leonshade and Maxous in low numbers, and would be willing to support those positions at this time, the former with more enthusiasm than the latter.

We would actively oppose action against Senators Nero and Senpai, and have little feelings with regard to Senator davesaz aside from a desire to see

some

kind of justification for it.

Lacking a recent tally by the Exchequer of the Senate, it is difficult to assess viability.

[Caesar Wills It]

Caesar requests a cessation of votes against the scoundrel Sondam until the Exchequer of the Senate can provide us with an up-to-date tally of the standings.

While We endorse this resolution, We have further topics to discuss before ending the session. Namely, We desire to elaborate upon Our suspicions of Lil Uzi Vert, who has received little scrutiny as yet. Should We meet with assassins in the night, We would not have this information lost to the Ages.

Though we nominally withdraw Our support, you may rest assured that it remains in force in spirit, and will be formally reasserted following the Exchequer's tally.

UNVOTE:

[Caesar Wills It]

VOTE: Sondam

[Caesar Wills It]

Glorious Caesar greets the new Senators, and presumes that they shall serve the patricians they represent with dedication and wit.

We are most pleased with the foiling of whatever Barbarian plots were attempted in the night, and have little regret for the condemnation of the late Senator Sondam. While their innocence has since been proven, We feel that they were more useful to Our cause as a momentary diversion in the arena than any efforts they attempted in the Senate chambers.

We shall collect Ourself and present Our cause against the heathens Vecna and Leonshade later this day.

Augustus Caesar

[Caesar Wills It]

We bid the criminal Leonshade to silence, as his voice grates upon Our Ears.

We are quite concerned that certain Senators are using the spectre of Barbarian influence as a pretext to deny information to the Senators. The resolution proposed would be of great value in assessing claims made, and is of practically no detriment. We dismiss any fearmongering to the contrary with contempt.

VOTE: Yea

[Caesar Wills It]

We feel somewhat slighted by your exclusion of your Emperor, Senator, Alisae. Surely, this is merely because you consider Us above suspicion.

Aha! Disregard Our offense, We are gratified by the amendment.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senators Alisae and nancy, desist this instant with thy antagonism. Your loyalty is entirely assured in My Eyes, and We will not have your bickering distract from the holy mission of this Senate, namely to serve the Roman people. We would chastise you both to teach you a lesson in humility and wisdom, but We require your services in council.

Our scribe is preparing a lengthy address to the Senate regarding Our present positions on matters of import, but the short of it is that We endorse motions against the criminals and traitors known as Vecna, Leonshade, and Lil Uzi Vert. This last We know We have provided little reasoning for, and We note that a large part of this reason is that the selfsame Lil Uzi Vert defied Our quite explicit decree that the final motion to convict be held until your Emperor be able to present His case on him. We find this no small coincidence. In Our address on the morrow, We shall lay Our allegations against each of these three barbarians, as well as present Our suspicions as to who their compatriots may be.

Caesar Wills It

[Caesar Wills It]

Additionally, We note that this most recent claim by the scoundrel Lil Uzi Vert is precisely what a constructor of the Great Lighthouse or Machu Picchu would say.

[Caesar Wills It]

And yet thou didst not try for it because...?

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, Caesar is available for counsel at this time. We would hear thy thoughts before We return to the disaster which hath struck the Frozen North of the Empire.

Spoiler: *

Blatant prod dodge after friendly warning from mod before the real prod happens. State of emergency blizzard in central New York. We got 25 inches in 16 hours today. Been snow fighting and hunkering down with loved ones all day. Will post meaningfully and in character in the morning. It's expected to snow all night and through tomorrow. Wife already has her second snow day in a row called.

Site-wide post: Requesting emergency V/LA for the next day or so, dealing with a once-a-decade blizzard right now. 30 inches in as many hours. Absolutely insane, even for a region famous for snow. I will post as I can, but may be shoveling and snowblowing a lot. Also my sister is out of town and her furnace crapped out while she's away, and the furnace guy can't deal with waist-deep snow drifts.

[Caesar Wills It]

Despite Our relative silence, We have kept abreast of the proceedings of the Senate. We feel it is incumbent upon Our Office and duty as a point of order to point out to the good Senator Creature that the present push against the criminal Leonshade arose not as a counterbalance to the scurrilous allegations against Senator Gorkington. Indeed, said scurrilous allegations were, themselves, a push back against more righteous attempts to convict the traitors Lil Uzi Vert and Leonshade. We recommend that the Senator not get his order of events so twisted in the future, as We have already been given cause to doubt thee, and would prefer not to have Our patience tested further.

Senator Nero, We command thee to be realistic and remove thy head from thy arse.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator nancy, we return thy affection with Our own Imperial magnanimity.

We would caution that, in Our experience, those who are run up quickly and against whom there is both little evidence and lackluster support tend towards innocence. Those who are perennial suspects but cannot quite garner support for conviction tend towards being criminals whose confederates decline to support said conviction.

It is Our belief that we see such a situation with the traitors Vecna, Leonshade, and Lil Uzi Vert, all of whom We perceive to be broadly suspected, but against whom charges are stubbornly resistant.

[Caesar Wills It]

This most recent fracas with Senator Gorkington is merely the most recent example of righteous suspicions being stymied by fruitless distraction. It is time for Us to return Our attention to the true enemies of the Roman state.

We have also given much thought to codifying a Loyalty Coalition within the Senate, that the words and votes of the loyal may be spoken with greater weight through alliance.

[Caesar Wills It]

Venus save Us, We are feeling nigh...chatty...this morn.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator, decisiveness and an outward assurance in Oneself is incumbent upon any office of trust or repute. As you would expect a Legion General to be more confident and decisive before the troops than you would a green centurion, so must it be with your Caesar and His Senate. We have never found hindsight recriminations to be of any real use, and decline to directly answer on the basis of irrelevance.

Suffice to say that We do not press charges unless We have sufficient confidence in the Justice of Our cause.

[Caesar Wills It]

'Twere the crimes of the scoundrel Lil Uzi Vert We promised thee. As the case against him has been ably prosecuted in Our absence, We have been lax in adding Our Voice to the cause. We will remedy this when We may.

[Caesar Wills It]

Ah, yes. Our recent discussions with the master or mistress of the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus have been to discuss the recent conduct of Senator KidAmn and their predecessor Senator Yuri. While the Crypt Keeper, whose identity We shall protect until they desire revelation, have been leaning towards condemnation of Senator KidAmn, Caesar would hear Senator Creature's concise thoughts on the matter.

[Caesar Wills It]

Welcome to Our presence, Senator RadiantCowbells. We shall see whether you are fit to fill the shoes left by Senators Drixx and Skies.

Spoiler: *

Prodded. I'll be working on catching up tonight.

[Caesar Wills It]

As is distressingly common, We find it necessary to impose Our Will upon a Senate which should be adult enough to fend for itself.

The vexing criminal Leonshade is the correct conviction for this session.

Caesar wills it.

[Caesar Wills It]

By Jupiter, it seems We are part of the problem! Very well, like Our inimitable grand uncle Julius, We shall lead by example and cast the first stone.

VOTE: Leonshade

[Caesar Wills It]

Your Emperor deserves more splendid lodging. We have commanded the construction a grand Forbidden Palace, that all may know Our Splendor and Magnificence.

[Caesar Wills It]

The allegations against Senator Gorkington were spurious and lacking in evidence. It is Our opinion that he was accused with the intent of distracting from more righteous investigations of the criminals Leonshade, Vecna, and Lil Uzi Vert.

Spoiler: *

I have been distracted with Mass Effect Andromeda lately. Leonshade is the right lynch for today, what are we waiting on? Gork was a counterwagon distracting from the Leonshade wagon. I really ought to analyze who is responsible for that nonsense.

[Caesar Wills It]

Friends and citizens, We greet thee!

We are quite sorely wroth that some dastardly scoundrel denied Us the opportunity to build Ourself a grand new Forbidden Palace. As We are quite convinced that nefarious elements of this Senate are conspiring to assassinate Us, We feel it was likely important to them that We be denied this wonder, that Our virtue may not be confirmed to you all, thus spoiling their plans.

It is Our opinion that the opportunity to construct a second wondrous edifice will likely lead to chaos, with so few available. The traitorous elements in the Senate will be able to game the priority system too easily, whilst the virtuous among Us will likely interfere with one another. We will hold Our vote for now, as We are open to discussion and disputation on this matter, as it has a number of complicated facets that deserve deliberation.

[Caesar Wills It]

We are unsurprised that you would so pervert the truth, Leonshade. The function of Chichen Itza is dependent on successful targeting of both subjects, so choosing anyone who had built a Great Wall would likely cause the action to fail. While We concur that the failure was possibly due to the action of a roleblocker, as your treasonous friends would almost certainly prioritize the defeat of Senator davesaz, the possible existence of a Great Wall would also stymie the effort. Your dismissal of such a possibility speaks to a desire to paint a false narrative.

We are most sorely wroth that Our mandated conviction against the scoundrel Leonshade failed not once but twice in the previous session, almost certainly due to the distracting influence of his evil friends. We shall be researching the Senate record in an attempt to identify them.

[Caesar Wills It]

Senator Mathblade, Our patience for your unrelenting stubbornness is growing rather limited. While We remain firmly convinced of your loyalty to the Empire, We feel that your blind devotion to outdated methodology, such as counting the results of votes, to be more harm than help. The filth Leonshade is almost certainly affiliated with Our enemies, which Senator KidAmn's false conviction further supports. Vecna, Leonshade, and Lil Uzi Vert somehow continually managed to avoid conviction in this conclave despite broad suspicion - why? It is Our firm opinion that they are working in tandem, likely with unidentified allies, to confound efforts to convict each other. Every time the subject is brought up, some new nonsense case is brought against some innocent, such as Senator KidAmn, and you among other easily-duped sheep go along with it.

We are finished, Senator Mathblade. Desist with your pigheadedness, or We will be greatly displeased with thee.

Spoiler: *

Obviously, as you are a hard TR, I am not threatening to policy lynch you, especially as we are so close to possible LYLO. But come the fuck on, guy. LUV, Vecna, and Leon are clearly working as a team, derailing any wagons that develop on one of them with chump mislynches like KidAmn. If they were Town, scum would be more than happy to just let the wagons on them go through. YOU are being hardcore manipulated, and your dedication to VCA is just sad. Scum these days know how to game VCA. It's not very effective any more, and your slavish devotion to it is really frustrating, as your conclusions are just obviously wrong.

And PV is not scum. If he were scum, he was vigged. We didn't see a second kill that night. Scum would never nightkill their own guy - why would they? There's no point to it. If he ever got lynched, the EXACT same result happens, except they're out the NK they spent on him. The only conceivable argument you might have is that he was vigged by Terracotta Army and the scum kill that night was blocked. If that were true, we'd have seen a Terracotta Army claim the kill just to settle the issue.

Ergo, PV is Town. But a treestump, so STOP FUCKING ARGUING IT. It undercuts your credibility even more than your shit reads do.

[Caesar Wills It]

Vile Lil Uzi Vert, We have repeatedly stated Our suspicion of you. Twist not Our words, snake. Personally, it is Our belief that thou art the owner of the Great Lighthouse, and have been hiding behind an alleged lack of desire to build anything to conceal the fact that you already have.

[Caesar Wills It]

Or were you the swine who stole Our Palace from Us? Are We such a threat to your agenda that you could not risk the revelation of Our unquestioned virtue? Is that why you slew the noble Senator Maxous?

VOTE: Nay