Police Lineup (Conclusion + 4/9 final guess lists in pms)

[the worst]

/in

i pm'd.

[the worst]

to all three of you - what were you doing at 3:27pm on friday the fourth of march? who are your alibis?

[the worst]

Malkon, I see those 15 receipts all state that you ordered serves of "sweet, sweet revenge". is this some divine Starbucks delicacy I've never heard of, or is there something more you need to tell us?

[the worst]

I like Chief Inspector Ariel's thinking, there is something a little sus about

malkon

.

[the worst]

i intend to take this game absolutely seriously. i've bought a duster jacket, a cool hat, a notebook and a pipe in real life, just to play the part.

(... in other words, agreed with 61 )

[the worst]

It seems Jake hasn't been on the site in 3-4 days.

[the worst]

i don't think it's jake, and i think the way malkon is like, *just* slightly too committed to his bit, probably makes him more likely to be guilty.

i also probably trust my judgement the least.

[the worst]

In sahlidarity with rusehart, I'm never gunna use the letter 'o' again in my entire life.

[the worst]

All suspects - what is your preferred method for contacting the mafia?

[the worst]

acting chief inspector n makes a very strong case.

bugspray

is clearly the culprit.

[the worst]

Rose, my vote was on bugspray, not Ariel

[the worst]

No problems here, these things happen.

If your keyboard has been mysteriously mislaid, please let us know if you need an investigation squad.

[the worst]

Let me just open this round of interrogation by passionately declaring my innocence. I have never even met Mr. Monopoly.

Which one of you knows what paragraph 5 subsection 3 of the terms of use on the Starbucks App says?

As an innocent, good, innocent, angelic citizen I absolutely did read the terms of service for the Starbucks app. I... uhh, can't quite..... remember it off the top of my head, but I'm such a goos law abiding citizen. I read the terms and conditions like 30 times. I read them so many times ive mixed all the rules up. I couldnt possible remember exactly what 5.3 was. No way, too many terms and conditions flying around in this head.

Oh no, not Mr. Monopoly!

Can each of you give me a quick run down of your evening at the party?

in all caps

oh you know my friends and i just... like wandered around the garden and stuff.... yeah I hardly even went to the party honestly lol.... gosh Mr. Monopoly was such an engaging host and such a lovely person who could possibly have done this lol ?

Do the indicators work on your car?

I still don't drive actually!! but most busses' indicators work great so I'm gonna say yes according to a technicality

[the worst]

oh malkon you misunderstand me and underestimate the extent of my innocence.

for clarity, I actually went through and annotated each section of the Starbucks app t&cs with my own numbering just to make sure that it was clearly legible and easy to refer back to when I did my bedtime reading. I won't include section 5.3 so as not to compromise your interrogation but

Spoiler:

You may also be shocked to discover Apple's involvement in all this. Now APPLE, not me, has tremendous motivation to kidnap Mr. Monopoly for corporare espionage. Turn your attention away from this duck, dear investigators. Big tech is the true villain here.

[the worst]

me?? secrets??? ?

[the worst]

Suspects, what is your opinion on gambling?
Is there any information about your finances that we should be aware of that could help clear you of suspicion?

Gambling is pretty cool. It's not for me, though. I just don't have the time. You see, I have developed an addicted to constructing hotels, and that takes up most of my time. As you can imagine, it also puts me in an egregious amount of debt. Which is a wonderful way to segue into my second point - the kidnapping of such a high profile person as Mr. Monopoly would be a

very

costly endeavour, and I am in far too much debt to finance such an operation.

Also, what are your thoughts on the plotline and/or major characters of Squid Game?

I thought it was really fascinating that they made a whole musical about squid without referencing any of the characters having three hearts, or being underwater the whole time.

[the worst]

I'd consider the hotels I'm building on boardwalk and park place to be outstanding investments.

[the worst]

<3

[the worst]

Suspects, aside from this case when is the last time you hired a lawyer and for what purpose?

What's a lawyer? My dear bugspray, I fear you misunderstand me! I am very, very, very innocent, and therefore I have no need for lawyers!