Tales of You (Dead zone)

[Cabd]

AngryPidgeon, Nachomamma8, Penguin_Alien, Breakfast with Stalin.

Anyone taking guesses on how right or wrong this is?

[zMuffinMan]

Well, he got breakfast with stalin right

That's about it

lol horrible reads

[mastin2]

I'm rooting for a scum win

Does that make me a bad person?

Only if it makes me one, too.

Seriously, not sure I should even be here. When at home, I can basically show you the messages I put in the hydra QT with SSK, before I died, but the tl;dr from them?

I snapped. This town did the impossible.
They broke Mastin.
Actually.
Freakin'.
Broke me.

To the point where any who were townreading BROseidon's almost-meltdown should have realized that I

did

have a meltdown. (I listed the symptoms in there, too.)

[Cabd]

Yeah, you totally snapped and the fact that you kept posting instead of chilling it down elsewhere? Is why some people voted you, as you'll see from the neighborhoods postgame.

[mastin2]

i cannot be the only one who tried to click this

I did, too.

I think you honestly underestimate how good mastin is as scum. Haven't read some of the last pages (really should) but she's got this way with words and piling them up together that she can get confirmed town lynched despite them being pretty much confirmed.

Thus, why my play here was...
...Quite explicitly NOT my scumplay.

[mastin2]

Does that mean the entire neighbourhood had really shit fucking reads? Like God-awful horrible reads that they were arrogantly parading around as though they'd figured out the game?

( Hmm...how do I say this.
*points to their posts*)

[mastin2]

Decided to pull it up.

Anyway.
Right now, I agree.
I need a break.
I'm not in any condition to be posting.

It's not the normal mechanic, but you're going to have to be the reasonable one, since right now, I most certainly cannot.
I'm basically...well, broken, because to say emotionally compromised would be a bit of an understatement.

More of a curiosity rather than an actual point, but do me a favor and ask BROseidon how his near-panic attack actually felt. (I'd ask myself, but...if I logged in to post that...I wouldn't log out for much, much longer.)

The feeling's passed a bit, so it's hard to describe, but on my end, my fingers were shaking so badly that I couldn't type accurately, and while I tried to fix it, that only made it worse. They were vibrating back and forth, practically humming even when not making contact with the keys. Dancing up and down, back and forth, side to side, vaguely guided to the areas they needed to be at, but not getting there accurately. An intense burning sensation, especially in the neck and head, where my eyes began to hyper-focus on the screen, and my heart felt overwhelmed with something (adrenaline?) being pumped throughout me.

Which honestly in hindsight is really, really scary. I kinda felt like an internet hulk.
He probably has more experience with this, so I wanted to ask him.

~45 minutes after my last post. Another symptom I listed that I didn't remember at the time, thoughts being incoherent even for me. Like, you know my thoughts are already quirky, formed in a somewhat-incoherent state.
This was that, but magnified to such a degree that words were entering my mind and exiting them, without having formed a sentence. (Again, internet hulk. )

And if you don't post by the time that I'm awake tomorrow (I'm going to bed tonight), I will.
In spite of quite frankly being emotionally unstable.
Because I meant it.
I'm sick of it all.

If you post, I can calm down. Take a break. Breathe in.
If you don't, then frankly, I'm going to snap. More than I have. And I know that's not a nice request to make, but that's how I feel.
I feel like snapping. Like throwing everything out as a player I normally advocate and simply posting like I'm feeling, driven by those primal emotions. That's how far I've been pushed. I am ticked off.
I've had hours to cool down.

Still am ticked off. If anything, just as bad now as I was before.
I don't want to be done.
But I am.
Just.
freakin'.
Done with all this BS.

Especially the hypocrisy.
Especially in things like saying this player is town, but that same trait from me makes me scum.
Sick of it all.

~4 hours later.
SSK was justifiably calling me out on that emotional blackmail.

But you don't know just how damn much I gave up for this game, only to have this spat in my face. I felt betrayed, backstabbed, enraged, furious that players I was sure were town were going against me, especially since no matter what I did, it was a scumclaim to somebody. Stop posting, scum. Keep posting, scum. Show emotions, scum. Not show them, scum. Push Nacho, scum. Push AP, scum. Nobody bothered to look at why I would be doing those things. Reading the player, and more importantly, the person, would have told them not only just how frail I was, but also my alignment and what to do about it. Saying I needed to stop while advocating my lynch, not among them. Saying I need a break, not among them. Saying I'm a scumbag emotionally manipulating them, most certainly NOT among them.

You really don't want to know the thoughts that entered my head, on Thursday/Friday, on Sunday. Let's just say...the things I began taking medication for were brought back full-swing for this game. And...that is how spiteful, how miserable, I am feeling.
There is no lesson I can take from this game, because when someone pushes an emotionally and mentally unstable person (which I most certainly was) to their limits, and then beyond them...there's no lesson that person can learn because they already know they snapped, and frankly, are in no mood to place blame on themselves. (And bluntly, if they did, could end up killing themselves or at least siteflaking. Because already feeling like shit, making themselves feel even more like shit about themselves will go...very, very badly.)

[mastin2]

And I still say AP, Nacho, Mara/Orc, and Red Gyarados, because that's about the best I had.

[Cabd]

And I still say AP, Nacho, Mara/Orc, and Red Gyarados, because that's about the best I had.

SSK already got spoilers, let me know if you want them down the line.

[mastin2]

I'd rather not.

I'll allow myself to be stubbornly wrong and be proud of that.

[Natirasha]

I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess, mastin.

[zMuffinMan]

mastin, you can tell me the truth. you were scum, weren't you?

I just don't see how the entire game could possibly be wrong about your alignment like that

You were so obvscum

[mastin2]

I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess, mastin.

No, not your fault.

I really owe SSK an apology for having snapped like that.

I just...

...Well, was pushed at a time where I was very, very, VERY vulnerable. And nobody. Not a god damned single soul. Actually managed to pick up on that. Heck, even I didn't figure it out until near the end. Nobody paused. Hesitated. To think for so much as a single second.
"What if Mastin's compromised, and that's why she's acting that way?"
And I know nobody asked that question.
Because if they did, they would have followed it through with an, "Okay, what could cause her to be so compromised?"
And from that, follow it through to figure out that the reason I was having a meltdown was that I was trying my damnedest to find the scum, but frustratingly getting run up for my efforts. And players I thought were my allies were not supporting me. (Or dead.) And players who were my allies were either players I thought to be scum (AP) or not even convinced I was town and still leaned towards scum (Tammy, F-16, and the PA half of the Clyton slot).

It would have been pathetically simple to follow my train of thought, and do so successfully, because it was simple. It was primal. It was highly emotional, and thus, not exactly rational, but the mindset and motive behind the actions was clear. Because any thought of me being scum this game. Literally any thought of a scuMastin having somehow melted down that badly. Would take a highly, highly convoluted train of thought making absolutely no sense at all, violating occam's razor and the very fundamental principles of my scumgame, how my scum mind even operates. Because a scum Mastin is always.

Always

in control of the game (except when I'm not around). A scum Mastin will feel emotions for others, and change approach if things seem to be getting too personal...but said policy also applies for my OWN posting, in that if I'm getting too emotional, too personal, too invested?
I take a fucking step back.

That I couldn't do it this game was a dead giveaway of my alignment. It's not that I didn't back down. It's not that I wouldn't back down. It's that I fundamentally, psychologically, absolutely entirely simply could NOT back down. Because backing down goes against every instinct of my townplay, and while I can do it if I'm less invested in the game...I fundamentally can never do it when my heart has been thrown behind my game.

And this game is full of players who have been exposed to this, and quite frankly, should have KNOWN this. A scum Mastin has never lost her cool, not truly, not passionately, not even remotely like this game to the point of snapping. Because my gift is GODLY good situational awareness, and snapping is just about the polar opposite of possessing situational awareness. You can argue it's possible, but again, that train requires such a highly convoluted, twisted take on the facts as to be so improbable that anyone bothering to think would realize it's really not possible.

[mastin2]

Though that does remind me, Cabd.

I've had a few recently-completed scum games of mine that are really, REALLY strong examples of this. Paranoia, Book of Shadows, Attack on Titan, and Walking Dead (the best example of all, which I was frustrated to see not be over by Sunday, since if it was, I could have pointed to it and said, "THAT IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE AS SCUM. Not this."), all fairly recently completed. I want to write an MD article about how I can so consistently win or get close to winning in my scum games, using them. But a lot of good material on what my scumplay is has been best described in this game.

Basically, because I'm dead flipped town in this game, I want to ask permission to incorporate bits and pieces of my ramblings throughout the game on a scuMastin for the purposes of an MD article, essentially showing everyone what I do as scum. (It largely focuses on situational awareness, and exactly what that means and why it is THE most vital aspect of my scum play.)

[mastin2]

Hey, pie.

While I'm sure you have in-QT posts to the contrary.

How's it feel to have focused the entirety of your in-thread posting on something you were utterly, entirely, absolutely and totally 100% wrong about?

[mastin2]

Because, seriously.
That? That is my scumgame.
This? *points to thread*
This is not my scumgame.

The two were nothing alike.
Yet you insisted you could read me here. And also insisted Rancid was scum.
Ticking them off to nearly snap.
And ticking me off so much that I DID snap.

[mastin2]

Also,
<3 F16. (Unless you're scum, in which case </3.)

AP, I <3 you, but you're posting like a cheeky scumfuck now that I'm gone, and the Yggdra kill is SO your MO.

[mastin2]

Also,
*points to comment about posting not slowing down because of my death*
*points to the explosion of posting right out of the gate with no signs of slowing down, and even of them speeding up*

"I told you so" score:
2.5. (Rancid town. The above. The .5 comes from Rancid's alignment being revealed, and me making a comment that scum were desperate to have me dead before vital info of the dead would be revealed, but not quite that.)

And running. Let's see how large the ITYS score gets!

[zMuffinMan]

I should have listened to Muffin and Nati when they said you were scujm.

I am so sorry mudffin, I deserve what's coming to me though

For the record, I do not believe I called Tammy scum once in the entire game. That was allllllllllllllllllllllllllll Nati

Kudos goes to him when Tammy flips scum!

[mastin2]

I'll add to my predictions in that I'll say that F-16 is town and that his breakdown right now is legitimate, just like mine was. (At this stage, that actually IS a reasonable prediction.)

[zMuffinMan]

Also NOTICE STALIN ISN'T APOLOGISING FOR NOT LISTENING TO NATI'S PLEA ABOUT MASTIN!?

IT'S BECAUSE STALIN IS FUCKING SCUM

[mastin2]

And I'm not entirely convinced Tammy's scum.
She just dropped from gamerisking-town into dead-null, but not into scum.

[zMuffinMan]

I had a dream I was still alive in this game and in a neighbourhood with Stalin and they scum slipped and I fucking nailed them to a cross

Then I woke up and cried because I'm dead :<

[zMuffinMan]

ALSO WHY WOULD SCUM LET AP GET A RESULT ON STALIN UNLESS STALIN IS A FUCKING GODFATHER

HOLY SHIT

THIS GAME IS SO OBVIOUS WHY DON'T PEOPLE REALISE IT?

[mastin2]

Also NOTICE STALIN ISN'T APOLOGISING FOR NOT LISTENING TO NATI'S PLEA ABOUT MASTIN!?

I didn't, but while that's a fair point, not sure it's actually alignment-indicative.