There isn't.
You wouldn't understand how my mind works, but basically, every time I encounter a player who actively doesn't like to play with me, my mind does the pathetic laughter of madness and sorrow. Not laughter of funny, or laughter of happy, just laughter of patheticness, and I mentally go, "There's another one". There's another burned bridge. There's another hostility. I just. I just got to the point where there were enough of those that I stopped caring. I stopped keeping track. I don't track the players who have me blacklisted. There's too many for me to.
I tried mending ties. Many, many times, have I tried. And when I do, mostly people just laugh at me. And the rifts don't actually disappear. They still exist--so eventually, I just. Stopped caring. There's no malice because malice implies a level of hatred towards
you
. None exists, nor could exist. It'd be a lie to say I don't have a hateful bone in my body directed towards another person (because it all goes towards my dad), but I just really don't give a damn what people think about me anymore. It's not worth it--it's painful to me when I do. It's hurtful. It stings when people treat you with hostility. Especially when deep-down you don't actually think they are unjustified for having done so. When you think their hatred of you is warranted (in other words, hating myself), that makes it all the worse. So I just. Don't. I shut the pain out. And that's why there's no malice involved.
There's a lack of care. Apathy, yes, there is that--and by apathy, I don't so much mean "lack of care", as I mean "lack of emotion". Rather, lack of empathy. Lack of feeling. That? That I hold to you. I hold a lack of feeling towards you as a player, Firebringer. Because that's all I see you as: a player. If I do more than that, it gets painful because then I see a person hating me. (And seeing someone hate me is painful because being hated is not something you want.) But with you as just a player? I don't have to think about how you feel. All I have to care about is one thing: your alignment.
I think you are scum.
If you think that call is made in ill will--you have the right to that opinion, but it is wrong.
If I am wrong in my judgment here, then I was wrong on my read. That is certainly a possibility.
But. That's all it would be.
I think you hold a scum role PM. I will never apologize for fucking scumhunting. And that's what I am doing here. I think you are scum. I think your actions are more in line with your scumgame than your towngame. Your actions might not all be purely alignment-relevant at this point; you probably have legitimate personal emotions tying into how you are thinking/acting. But while this is true (for instance, a replace-out wouldn't be town and wouldn't be scum; it would be emotions), some of your actions ARE still fueled by alignment.
I will not apologize for stating what I feel is the truth. I feel your actions here serve a scum agenda, and that if you were town you would be acting differently. That's it. There's nothing deeper there than that. Just a read.
