Last night while you were all dining in the grand ballroom,
The Bishop
told his favorite joke about “the colored boy.” Most of you are racist, so you laughed. But one among you did not find it funny. This morning, you find The Bishop under a beautiful magnolia tree, his body doused in Jack Daniels and lit on fire.
“Looks like spontaneous human combustion,” says Fritzler.
“That’s not possible, you sexy mofo,” says Ibaesha. “Somebody must have done this on purpose. And everybody knows that kind of bad luck would only happen to LoudmouthLee.”
“It is LoudmouthLee!” shrieks cropcircles. He begins to cry.
Under
The Bishop Loudmouth’s
priestly attire you find an UZI with one bullet in the clip, but the gun has not been fired.
But that’s not all that happened last night…
Spaulding Smails III
was complaining all night that nobody would let him eat the fat from their prime rib. Everyone knows the fat is the best part. Duh. Spaulding was so mad that he went dumpster diving for any leftover fat that he could eat. While he was separated from the other diners, someone took the opportunity to wipe that smarmy grin off his face. Literally. They ate his face off. You look in his pockets and find wads of money, perfect for stuffing down throats and choking people.
“Can I have the money?” asks rajrhcpfreak.
“No, it’s mine!” say Glork and Coolbot in unison. They begin to mud wrestle to settle the dispute.
“Does that Spaulding kid look like a dog to you? A Passdog?” says Beaker, the only one who is not watching the mud wrestling.
Nobody answers, but it is true: the kid is
Spaulding “Passdog” Smails III
.
One more thing…
Petroleumjelly
pissed someone off last night so he got his face bashed in. Now his jaw is wired shut and he can’t speak. He can post as usual, but his votes won’t count for today.
“Sucks to be you,” says Nazgul.
“Yes, PJ, you’ve been Me’ed” says pwnz.
LML – The Bishop (Future Mental Patient/1-shot Vigilante) – Not-spontaneously combusted - N1
Passdog – Spaulding Smails III (Bastard Grandson/Mafia Goon) – Mauled N1