UnCouTh mAfia - [UnCouTh eNding]

[Serene2]

UnCouTh mAfia

Good afternoon. I see that all of you have all recovered from the rohypnol in last night's cocktails. Those of you that are in cages, it's not because we hate you more that the ones in chains, it's just that we ran out of chains. If you develop bruises, don't panic, at first we were dragging you down the basement, but we soon grew tired, and it was easier to dispatch you down the stairs with a hearty kick.

Are we all settled not too comfortably? Some of you look half normal! As you know from the letter of invitation you received from my hand, we are to play a little society game of my invention. I call it “sleep tight while some people go around shooting random guests in the head.” On account of the gruesome nature of this entertainment,

Pastor Insincere

is on call to compose respectful obituaries for the violently gored guests. I expect you will be amused if your language skills permit it.

We'll be passing out a platter of Cheez Whiz sandwiches after Candi and the girls upstairs get around to making them.

I begin by passing each and everyone of you a card that you shall read in your head while keeping your mouth shut, away from your nosey seat mates. Isn’t this capital?

RULES PARTICULAR TO THIS GAME

:

• EVERYONE will be post-restricted.
  
  
  
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• Deadlines:
  Days are three weeks (or until lynch); nights are 72 hours.
  This game uses plurality lynches.
  Ties are broken by the person most-recently the highest above the other (e.g. 5/4 becoming 4/4, or 4/3 becoming 4/4). No-lynching is possible, with the same threshold as a player. However, unless otherwise specified, failure to submit an action is a no-action.
  
  
• Please try to hold your liquor.
  
  
• No selling of illegal substances on premises.
  
  
• Shooting guests at night is permitted provided they are sleeping and don't see you coming.
  
  
• No farting, burping or giggling during the obituaries.
  
  
• Players must be muffled with a sock and duct tape before being hanged so that the noise does not draw spectators from the patrons upstairs.
  
  
• No calling of police, fire station, or EMTs
  EVER
  .

PLAYERS DEBASING THEMSELVES IN THIS GAME:

1. -
2. -
3. -
4. -
5. Bookitty
6. Titus

SleepyKrew

7. -
8. -
9. -
10.
11. -
12. -
13. -
14. -
15. -
16. -
17.

¹ Taser prod count

PLAYERS PERSECUTED TO DEATH BY THEIR PEERS:

14. F-16_Fighting_Falcon,

Mafia Goon, MODKILLED with extreme prejudice Day 1

4. T S O,

Town Mason, MODKILLED with a rusty ax Day 1

3. Metal Sonic

Katsuki

,

Vanilla Townie, MODKILLED during failed surgery Day 1

14. ika,

Mafia Goon, successfully hanged by his peers Day 1

15. Espeonage

Vanilla Townie, strung up Day 2

11. TierShift

Town Jailkeeper, shot in the head for shits and giggles Night 2

12. BRantz,

Mafia Goon, lynched by an angry mob Day 3

16. pirate mollie

beastcharizard

,

Vanilla Townie, killed Night 3.

2. Muffin

PeregrineV

Vanilla Townie, expeditiously devoured Day 4.

7. Nachomamma8

Town Mason, was spared the ignominy of being slaughtered by Baron Happleblap, Night 4.

9. goodmorning

ChannelDelibird

Vanilla Townie, lovingly dispatched to the great beyond by Lady Serene Day 5.

13. Egg

Nobody Special

Vanilla Townie, was scrambled Night 5.

8. AngryPidgeon

Vanilla Townie, barbecued Day 6.

10. fferyllt

Town Mason, reached the heavenly off season Night 7

17. Untrod Tripod

Pine, T-Bone, notscience

Mafia Rolecop -Quickly dispatched by his impatient basement mates!

Bookitty and Titus are endgamed...

TOWN VICTORY!

[Serene2]

Serene2's Mafia RuleSet

ONE: FUNDAMENTALS

I) All site-wide rules apply. Read and respect them.
II) There is no personal communication outside the forum postings (regarding this game) unless your role specifically allows it.
III) Do not quote your Role PM or any private communication (either real or fabricated) with the moderator, co-moderator, backup-moderator, or fellow players. Paraphrasing your Role PM is acceptable.
IV) Be courteous and respectful to all your fellow players and the moderating team.
V) Play to your Win Condition.

TWO: DAY PHASE

I) Each Day Phase shall have a 21 days deadline.
II) Votes must be

bolded

or they shall not be counted. Abbreviating someone's name is acceptable, so long as I can discern who you were voting for without trouble.
III) Unvoting is not required, but is much appreciated by the mods. If you control more than one vote, Unvoting will unvote all of your votes, unless you specify which vote you unvote.
IV) Once you have reached a simple majority (half of all living players plus one) that person's fate is sealed and they shall be lynched. Unvoting cannot change their fate.
V) If half the living players approve a No Lynch (

Vote: No Lynch

), then no player shall be lynched and the game shall enter Night Phase. If deadline is reached and no one has received a simple majority of the votes, player with the plurality of the votes will be lynched.
VI) Once a player is lynched the game enters twilight until I arrive and post a death scene. All players may continue to post during Twilight.

VII) Failing to post for 72 hours will result in a prod. Failing to respond to the prod within 48 hours will result in a force-replacement. There is no such thing as a fourth prod; after three prods you will be force-replaced if you fail to maintain acceptable activity levels.

VIII) A deadline extension may or may not be granted; just ask.
IX) Votes and Unvotes shall not count in Twilight.

THREE: NIGHT PHASE

I) Night Phase shall last 72 hours.
II) All groups with Private Topics (PTs) will be able to converse during the Night Phase.
III) Any role or faction with night abilities may choose to use them by PM-ing the mod with their choice.
IV) If no action is received, no action will be taken. All actions received after the deadline has passed will not be valid.
V) Night Action submissions will be accepted starting in the Twilight Phase.

FOUR: CAPITAL OFFENSES

I) Do not quote your Role PM or any private communication (either real or fabricated) with the moderator, co-moderator, or backup-moderator. Paraphrasing your Role PM is acceptable.
II) There is to be no personal communication outside the forum postings (regarding this game) unless your role specifically allows it.
III)

The following is a list of outlawed shenanigans:

• Using invisible text, codes, cryptography, etc.
  
• Editing your posts (if you have the power to do so)
  
• Insulting other players (outside of the confines of your post restriction!)
  
• Quoting any PTs you may have access to

If any of these offenses are committed, I have the right to force-replace you from the game or modkill you. A warning will usually come before replacement or modkilling, depending on the severity of the infraction.

FIVE: MISCELLANEOUS

I) Feel free to address me in-thread, but if there is a large egregious mistake please PM me. Small matters like errors in the votecount can be posted in-thread.
II) I have the final say on any issue. I reserve the right to force-replace and modkill at my will.
III) This is a game. Have fun, and keep the game fun for other people. Stay civilized, please.
IV) I have the right to edit this RuleSet at any time.

[Serene2]

Sample Role PM

Role -

Vanilla Townie

Alignment -

Town

Post Restrction -

THE NOT PLAYING IN THIS GAME

Ability

You have no special abilities.

Post Restriction Description

You are not in this game. Therefore, each of your posts must reference the fact that you aren't a part of this game.
Examples: "I only came in to say hi to FakeGod, I'm not really playing."
"I may get site banned for posting to a game I'm not in, but I'll build a case anyway."
"How can I be scum when I never /inned to begin with?!"

Town Win Condition

You win when all

Mafia

-aligned players are

dead

, and there is at least one

Town

-aligned player

alive

.

[Serene2]

Roles PMs will be going out soon.

Please confirm via PM. Please include your alignment, role, and post restriction in your confirmation.

[Serene2]

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[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

AngryPidgeon (4): SleepyKrew, ChannelDelibird, Nachomamma8, Katsuki
F-16_Fighting_Falcon (4): BRantz, Bookitty, Nobody Special, ika
Nachomamma8 (3): fferyllt, TierShift, F-16_Fighting_Falcon
TierShift (1): Espeonage
Katsuki (1): AngryPidgeon
T S O (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

F-16_Fighting_Falcon 1/3

K

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!

[Serene2]

KURIBO, RELEASE THE RATS ON THE PRISONERS!!!

Due to the county health code, the management here at the BadaBing insists that there are not now--- nor have there ever been--- rats in this establishment.

Although the Serenes found this claim dubious, we have taken the liberty of importing rats to the basement for the pleasure of our guests. If you must scream, please scream quietly. And please refrain from eating or otherwise harming the rats--- these are expensive rats. Well, expensive compared to the collective value of your own lives, which is to say the rats are worth more than zero dollars.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

F-16_Fighting_Falcon (4): BRantz, Bookitty, Nobody Special, ika
Nachomamma8 (4): TierShift, F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
AngryPidgeon (2): SleepyKrew, Nachomamma8,
TierShift (1): Espeonage
Katsuki (1): AngryPidgeon
T S O (1): beastcharizard
ika (1): ChannelDelibird,

INFRACTIONS

F-16_Fighting_Falcon 1/3

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[Serene2]

OH CRAP, FAKEGOD, WE FORGOT TO FEED THE PRISONERS YESTERDAY! DOES CANDI STILL HAVE THAT BOX OF EX-LAX GRANOLA BARS?

Ever since the R&D Division of the BadaBing industries closed down in 2010, there seems to be numerous wacky nutjobs on the streets selling all kinds of weird chemical compounds. Was there always an one-eyed hobo named Cookie living under the docking bridge? He has a toothless grin, and he has the key to the closed warehouse the girls visit once a week.

It also may explain where Candi got all these chocolate though. She says she got them for free yesterday. She and the girls will be feeding the guests momentarily.

[Serene2]

If you quote someone else's vote often enough, I see double and start counting it. Thank you for pointing out my mistake. *SLAP*

Muffin replaces PeregrineV who hasn't picked up his role PM in >72hours, thereby restoring my faith in PeregrineV, only to lose which I once had in Muffin.

[Serene2]

Unfortunately, PeregrineV never regained consciousness from his transport to this basement. Since it would be impolite to allow you people to murder an unconscious man, we are removing his limp form from this basement. Fortunately we have a handful of lowlife degenerates who can replace any of you at a moment's notice. Please continue playing your little game. Be sure to show him whichever corner you bunch have designated for bathroom facilities. You only get one corner of the room for that, I'm not mopping any more than necessary.

Muffin replaces PeregrineV, effective immediately. Game on!

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

F-16_Fighting_Falcon (3): Bookitty, Nobody Special, ika
Nachomamma8 (3): F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
AngryPidgeon (2): SleepyKrew, Nachomamma8,
TierShift (1): Espeonage, BRantz
Katsuki (1): AngryPidgeon
T S O (1): beastcharizard
ika (1): ChannelDelibird
Nobody Special (1): TierShift

INFRACTIONS

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I want blink tags for these infractions.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

TierShift (3): Espeonage, BRantz, Nobody Special
Nachomamma8 (2): F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
AngryPidgeon (2): SleepyKrew, Nachomamma8
ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
Katsuki (1): AngryPidgeon
T S O (1): beastcharizard
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
F-16_Fighting_Falcon (1): ika

INFRACTIONS

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I can't believe the ditzes upstairs ran out of pole sanitizer again! They need to lay off the coke. Anyway good news, they'll be preparing you some lunch salad. We'll even throw in some canned tuna, it covers up a lot.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

TierShift (3): Espeonage, BRantz, Nobody Special
Nachomamma8 (2): F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
AngryPidgeon (2): SleepyKrew, Nachomamma8
ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
Katsuki (1): AngryPidgeon
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
F-16_Fighting_Falcon (1): ika
beastcharizard (1): notscience
notscience (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

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Come on, prisoners. I sprung for a $9.99 first aid kit and I'd really like for you guys to give me a reason to use it. DON'T MAKE ME TAKE THINGS INTO MY OWN HANDS.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

TierShift (3): Espeonage, BRantz, Nobody Special
Nachomamma8 (2): F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
beastcharizard (2): notscience, AngryPidgeon
AngryPidgeon (1): Nachomamma8
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
F-16_Fighting_Falcon (1): ika, Muffin
notscience (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

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Meanwhile I am going to store this thing with you guys. I have nowhere else to put it.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

TierShift (2): BRantz, Nobody Special
Nachomamma8 (2): F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
beastcharizard (2): notscience, AngryPidgeon
AngryPidgeon (1): Nachomamma8
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
F-16_Fighting_Falcon (1): ika, Muffin
notscience (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

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[The basement door opens. One of the gracious hosts (the gimp mask makes it hard to say which) descends the stairs with a small black box in hand. Looking over at ika and Katsuki, the host sadly shakes his or her head.]

"It's not time for sleeping yet. My associates and I were generous enough to set up an elaborate game for you! Do you realize how impolite and rude this is? I don't know why I'm surprised, I should have known people like you couldn't adhere to the basic etiquette of gamesmanship. Luckily, I know how to prod people."

[The host opens the black box to reveal a tazer with the brand-name "Ballstinger 5000" emblazoned on it.]

"Did I say prod? I meant cattle prod."

[The host then proceeds to taze Katsuki and ika in the testicles. They convulse, and the host is probably smiling but it's hard to say.]

"Start talking or there's more where that came from!"

[The host turns, walks up the stairs, and pauses at the door.]

"Oh... that reminds me. If you smell anything weird later today, don't mind it at all. The BadaBing staff is pumping a mild poison into the basement to kill the millipedes down here. The poison guy assures us that it's harmless to humans... but just in case, I wouldn't breathe too heavily for awhile."

[With that, the host leaves, locking the basement door.]

Katsuki and ika have been prodded.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

TierShift (2): BRantz, Nobody Special
Nachomamma8 (2): F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
beastcharizard (2): notscience, AngryPidgeon
AngryPidgeon (2): Nachomamma8 , T S O
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
F-16_Fighting_Falcon (1): ika, Muffin
notscience (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

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Sorry guys, the exterminator can't tell millipedes from centipedes. We going to have to gas against centipedes eventually, but in the meantime we have brought in another expert.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

TierShift (2): BRantz, Nobody Special
Nachomamma8 (2): F-16_Fighting_Falcon, Katsuki
ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
beastcharizard (2): notscience, AngryPidgeon
AngryPidgeon (2): Nachomamma8 , T S O
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
F-16_Fighting_Falcon (1): ika, Muffin
notscience (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

Katsuki 2/3
F-16_Fighting_Falcon 2/3
Muffin 1/3

Candi came down to say hi.


SleepyKrew was re-tasered. THERE WILL BE NO SUCH THING AS A NAKED PROD DODGE IN THIS GAME.

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens, and one of the Serenes stomps furiously down the stairs wearing a gimp mask and tuxedo.]

"Finally! I knew you sort couldn't adhere to the rules of a simple game. It's impolite! Uncouth, even! And... frankly, not unexpected. One of you has managed to alienate even this bunch. Your snobbishness has cost you this time, and I for one couldn't be happier."

[Gimp Tuxedo Serene takes out his walkie-talkie.]

"Send down the Reverend."

[The other two Serenes descend stairs. One wears a fancy ballgown with a ski-mask, the other wears a rubber mask and button-down shirt. The Reverend Insincere follows behind them, a small black book in his hand.]

"That's the one," says Gimp Tuxedo Serene, pointing to one of the prisoners... errr... players.

[Reverend Insincere begins reading from the small black book.]

"The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. God, the Father of mercies, through the death and reconciliation of his Son
has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins---"

*BAM*

[A gunshot rings out, Gimp Mask Tuxedo is holding a 9mm, which he has just fired into the head of F-16_Fighting_Falcon. He shudders pleasurably a little in an incredibly creepy way before regaining his composure.]

"Right," says Gimp Mask Tuxedo, "That's enough pagentry. Deliver the eulogy, Reverend.

[Reverend Insincere sighs, muttering before continuing.]

"Today we're joined in the loss of Beelzebub. Also known as Lucifer, The Devil, Old Scratch, the Prince of the Power of the Air, the Father of Lies, Abaddon, and so on. You did today what God spent the entire 6000 years of the universe's existence trying to do: You killed Satan. I daresay you've even created a world without evil. Except... well, we already know that the Mafia team has a few members surviving. They're evil. I guess what I'm saying is that thanks to the death of Beelzebub, the rest of the Mafia team is now the supreme evil on Earth. Good job, you guys. Really."

[Reverend Insincere shakes his head, leaving the basement. The three Serenes do a joyous dance around the corpse of the Fallen One, before stuffing him into a too-small potato sack and leaving the basement with his mouldering corpse.]

F-16_Fighting_Falcon, "Beelzebub," Mafia Goon has been MODKILLED, execution style.

Day 1 continues, no votes are reset.

[Serene2]

F-16_Fighting Falcon's blood is still warm on the floor. Please resist the urge to drink it, you heathens.

VOTECOUNT

TierShift (2): BRantz, Nobody Special
ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
beastcharizard (2): notscience, AngryPidgeon
AngryPidgeon (2): Nachomamma8 , T S O
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
Nachomamma8 (1): Katsuki
notscience (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

Katsuki 2/3
Muffin 1/3

[Serene2]

BRantz has been tasered.

[Serene2]

THE REST OF YOU CAN KEEP POSTING, WHAT AM I GOING TO HAVE TO DO, MASS-TASER YOU ALL???

[Serene2]

Still trying to bribe somebody to replace Katsuki. This degenerate deprived us of the pleasure modkilling him. UNFORGIVABLE.

VOTECOUNT

ika (2): ChannelDelibird, Bookitty
beastcharizard (2): notscience, AngryPidgeon
AngryPidgeon (2): Nachomamma8 , T S O
Nachomamma8 (2): Katsuki, Muffin
espeonage (1): BRantz
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
notscience (1): beastcharizard
TierShift (1): Nobody Special

INFRACTIONS

Katsuki's future replacement 2/3
Muffin 1/3

[Serene2]

Metal Sonic is tumbling down the stairs head over feet.

We'll come back later with BBQ pulled rat sandwiches, after we fumigate for pubic crabs upstairs with enough pesticides to kill everyone in Rhode Island.

[Serene2]

Metal Sonic will be catering today's lunch. Bring your appetites! We'll be having a picnic between the water heater and the furnace so you guys have a bit of exercise, and have some sweet memories of your sojourn at the BadaBing.

VOTECOUNT

AngryPidgeon (4): Nachomamma8 , T S O, Bookitty, notscience
TierShift (2): Nobody Special, AngryPidgeon
espeonage (2): BRantz, Metal Sonic
Metal Sonic (1): Muffin
ika (1): ChannelDelibird
Nobody Special (1): TierShift
notscience (1): beastcharizard

17 players, 9 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Metal Sonic 2/3
Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
T S O 1/3

[Serene2]

What's the matter with you all, all this fighting is uncalled for, and uncouth! And you didn't call me down? If you can control yourselves for a minute or two, I'll fetch my videocam, I have to put this on the Serene's youtube channel. Watch this in the mean time:

VOTECOUNT

AngryPidgeon (3): , T S O, notscience, TierShift
espeonage (3): BRantz, Metal Sonic, Bookitty
SleepyKrew (2): fferyllt, Nachomamma8
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
Metal Sonic (1): Muffin
ika (1): ChannelDelibird
notscience (1): beastcharizard
T S O (1): AngryPidgeon
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

17 players, 9 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Metal Sonic 2/3
Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
T S O 1/3

No modkill ends the day.

[Serene2]

[The Serenes, decked up in their best executioner's haberdashery, struggle down the stairs carrying an IKEA box. It looks heavy. They set it down, open the box with an X-acto, and start to take out all the pieces.]

"Do we have the instructions?" asks the Serene with the booming voice. The smallest Serene waves the paper with one hand, and the Allen key in the other. Three hours later, and at least four instances of dismantling the project and starting again from scratch, they proudly stand back around their completed piece of furniture. An IKEA "ÅLEKTRÄK JÖR."

[The smallest Serene skips over merrily to T S O and unchains him, while Lady Serene grabs his cell phone, smashes it against the cement floor, and crushes it repeatedly with her Doc Martens in a satisfying fit of rage. They sit T S O on the chair, gag him with a few Cookie Monster Band-Aids, shave his hair, strap him down, and lower the metal headgear with all the wires.]

"Well, who wants to pull the level to zap that rude, annoying cell phone addict?" booms one Serene. All the prisoners raise their hands: "me! me! MEEEEE!" The Serene hands the electrical box to a prisoner, and the instant that he touches the lever, Lady Serene emerges from the darkness with a huge ax, takes a big swing and whacks T S O's head off. Everyone screams, except the Serenes, of course, because they are so zen. Lady Serene smiles and shrugs like a little girl.

"Sowwwwy! We only have 110 current and the chair needs a 220 outlet! Well that was pretty lulzy!"

No one dared to laugh at the outdated meme.

"Alright everyone, the Reverent Insincere is currently in rehab for a gambling addiction at

Serenity Rehab & Poultry Farm

... something about compulsive betting on cock fights... but with humans. But you know, he has to pay his creditors, so he agreed to text us the eulogy." She takes out her tablet, and turns it around so that everyone can see it.

[Reverend Insincere begins texting.]

"We R reun8ed here 2today to honor the 4G network that sustained our dear departed, his smartphone, which lays in pieces on the ground, and his charger. May be connect 4ever with the deity of his choosing."

[Reverend Insincere logs off, and the Serenes huddle back up the stairs, carrying two bags and a bloody ax.]

T S O, "Cell Phone Twit," Mason has been MODKILLED in a bloody mess.

"Now get cleaning, you degenerates," shouts out the smallest Serene, tossing a mop down the stairs. "Here's some inspiration!"

Day 1 continues, no votes are reset.

[Serene2]

Ika and SleepyKrew have been tasered.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

espeonage (4): BRantz, Metal Sonic, Bookitty, ChannelDelibird
AngryPidgeon (3): notscience, TierShift, Metal Sonic
SleepyKrew (2): fferyllt, Nachomamma8
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
Metal Sonic (1): Muffin
notscience (1): beastcharizard
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

15 players, 8 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Metal Sonic 2/3
Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
fferyllt 1/3

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens. The three Serenes and Reverend Insincere come downstairs, all of them wearing full hazmat suits and respirators. One of them is carrying a black metal box.]

"Really, we probably shouldn't have been keeping this guy down here anyway," says the smaller of the three.

"Relax," says the one with the booming voice, "I think I have just the thing to fix him."

[They walk over to Metal Sonic. Lady Serene stands behind him, while the other two stand in front.]

"See," says the loud one, "I've been reading these studies that suggest a lack of hygiene may be related to certain mental disorders. And, okay, sure, they're unsourced and probably not written by what one might call "traditional" or "actual" doctors, but this might work. Lady Serene, if you please."

[Lady Serene lets out an over-enthusiastic "WHEEEEEE!" as she covers Metal Sonic's face with a rag.]

"Does this smell like chloroform to you?" she asks.

[As Metal Sonic slips into unconsciousness, the louder Serene begins thumbing through a book labeled "Lobotomies for Dummies." The smaller Serene is holding a power drill, which whirrs to life.]

"Okay, so," says the loud Serene, "you're gonna wanna go directly into his forehead, about three eighths of an inch. That should penetrate the frontal lobe and fix most of his problems."

"That doesn't sound right, but what's the worst that could happen?" says the smaller Serene.

[The smaller Serene begins drilling directly into Metal Sonic's face with an obviously too large drill bit. The Serenes are enjoying this immensely, and the one with the drill has clearly penetrated at least halfway through Metal Sonic's head. He slumps over, both unconscious and very dead.]

"Shit," says the smaller one, "looks like I screwed that one up. Reverend?"

"Hello, everyone," says the Reverend, "Ummm... due to this person's lack of hygiene and... frankly, disgusting habits... Any of you that touched him should probably get tested for... well, everything. Maybe twice. I'd love to stick around, but the county Health Department insists that we burn Patient Zero's corpse immediately and submerge the ashes in acid. I really don't want to stick around for that."

[The Serenes begin putting Metal Sonic into a body bag. As they drag him upstairs, the smaller one turns to address the prisoners.]

"We'll be sending down a disease testing kit later. Or maybe a dog that can smell tumors. I don't know."

Metal Sonic, "Patient Zero," Vanilla Townie has been MODKILLED after a botched, unlicensed, and unnecessary surgery.

The votes will not be reset and the day continues.

[Serene2]

If you guys could just keep mum to the medical board about our little "incident" today, that would be swell. I mean... we don't really have what you'd call a medical license, but it's best to be safe rather than sorry.

VOTECOUNT

AngryPidgeon (4): notscience, TierShift, Bookitty, Muffin
espeonage (2): BRantz, ChannelDelibird
SleepyKrew (2): fferyllt, Nachomamma8
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
notscience (1): beastcharizard
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

14 players, 8 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
fferyllt 1/3

[Serene2]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Serene2]

The Serenes are trolling the streets of New Jersey to capture a replacement for SleepyKrew. Watch for a white Cadillac with tinted windows driving really close to the sidewalks at 2 mph.

[Serene2]

And we have captured Titus!

Titus replaces SleepyKrew effective immediately.

[Serene2]

@Serene2, oh most glorious and magnificent deities, please excuse this horrible gravy smear of a post, but could you tell us please when the deadline is?

[The basement door opens, and one of the Serenes hurls a digital clock at Bookitty's head. It's counting backwards, and reads:]

(expired on 2015-02-07 09:00:00)

[Serene2]

BURP!

VOTECOUNT

Titus (4): fferyllt, Nachomamma8, Muffin, ChannelDelibird
ika (2): Titus, Bookitty
AngryPidgeon (2): notscience, TierShift
espeonage (2): BRantz
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
notscience (1): beastcharizard
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

14 players, 8 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
fferyllt 1/3

[Serene2]

This video is not funny. This is your punishment for not talking enough.

VOTECOUNT

Titus (3): fferyllt, Nachomamma8, Muffin
ika (3): Titus, Bookitty, ChannelDelibird
AngryPidgeon (2): notscience, TierShift
espeonage (2): BRantz
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
notscience (1): beastcharizard
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

14 players, 8 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
fferyllt 1/3

[Serene2]

We here at Serene Health Initiatives Transunited would hate to see you guys miss the Super Bowl. That said, TV reception down here isn't really a thing, so you'll just have to settle for this:



And in lieu of Super Bowl commercials, you can have this, we're just gonna play it on a loop for the next 24 hours:




-Yours in Christ, the Serenes

[Serene2]

This explanation of UNCOUTH is not illuminating in any way. I am putting it out there to confuse you.

espeonage has been tasered.

VOTECOUNT

ika (5): Titus, Bookitty, ChannelDelibird, Muffin, Nachomamma8
AngryPidgeon (2): notscience, TierShift
espeonage (2): BRantz
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
notscience (1): beastcharizard
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

14 players, 8 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
fferyllt 1/3
ika 1/3

[Serene2]

We have had to postpone the centipede extermination, we found out that centipedes eat mice! Eventually they'll run out of mice and the start dying of hunger. Works for us!

VOTECOUNT

ika (6): Titus, Bookitty, ChannelDelibird, Muffin, Nachomamma8, fferyllt
AngryPidgeon (2): notscience, TierShift
espeonage (2): BRantz
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
notscience (1): beastcharizard
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

14 players, 8 votes to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Muffin 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
fferyllt 1/3
ika 1/3

[Serene2]

20,000 V discharge to ika just now. He did jump, we'll have to wait to see if he's responsive.

[Serene2]

T-Bone tumbles down the stairs, gets a concussion, and replaces notscience immediately.

[Serene2]

[All the tension is gone. The prisoners, having relieved their most primal instincts on one of their own, finally relax. They smile as they wipe off the blood, tripe, bile, lymph and brains off their faces and bodies. They are drunk with this culmination of their camaraderie, admiring the results of their collaboration. Deep down they know that the Serenes will be proud, but they cannot help feeling that small voice of conscience that whispers, "murderers." The basement door opens, the three Serenes and Reverend Insincere descend the steps. The smaller Serene inspects the body of ika, who now hangs from the basement rafters, dangling by a crude noose.]

"Yep," says the smaller Serene, poking the body with a stick, "looks dead to me."

"Finally," says Lady Serene, "it's about time, I was thinking we'd have to kill another one ourselves."

"I'm sure we'll get the chance," says the one with the booming voice as he cuts the dead man down from the rafters. ika's corpse plops unceremoniously onto the hard floor. The three Serenes step aside for Reverend Insincere.

"Friends, loved ones, desperate hangers-on," the Reverend begins, "Today we mourn the loss of ika the Peacemaker. He wanted only for everyone to get along, so naturally he died a horrible, brutal death at the hands of his friends and enemies. May his restless and immortal ghost find serenity in a way he never could in life."

[Reverend Insincere shakes his head and walks upstairs, texting his bookie. Clearly his intervention wasn't very successful. The three Serenes stuff ika into a blood stained body bag. Obviously, this is a bodybag that's been recycled from one of the previous deaths. The one with the booming voice turns toward the prisoners as Lady Serene and the smaller Serene begin lugging ika's corpse up the stairs.]

"Just so you know," says the loud one, "Our therapist will be visiting us tomorrow. He wants to make sure that the three of us are progressing toward becoming productive members of society. If he doesn't like what he sees here, he might send us back. AND I AIN'T GOING BACK OKAY?! So play it cool and remember how good the accommodations have been here at the BadaBing."

[He starts up the stairs, then turns toward the prisoners as he reaches to switch off the lights.]

"I'm gonna turn these off for the night. Most of you will probably wake up on the morning, but hopefully not."

[The lights go out and the basement is engulfed in darkness.]

VOTECOUNT

ika (8): Titus, Bookitty, ChannelDelibird, Muffin, Nachomamma8, fferyllt, BRantz, T-Bone
AngryPidgeon (1): TierShift
TierShift (1): Nobody Special
T-Bone (1): beastcharizard
beastcharizard (1): espeonage

INFRACTIONS

CLEAN SLATE

ika, "The Peacemaker," Mafia Goon, has been lynched.

It is now Night 1. Those of you who are free to wander the room at night have (expired on 2015-02-08 09:00:00) to submit your night actions to the mod.

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens, and an unseen hand flips the light switch. Now bathed in the harsh light of fluorescent hell, the prisoners stir as the Serenes descend the staircase.]

"Rise and shine, fuckers!" shouts the loud one.

"Yeah," laughs Lady Serene, let's get to counting these corpses!

[The three of them scan the room quickly and notice that all of the players are present, accounted for, and--- most disappointingly of all--- breathing.]

"Hey, what the hell?" says the shorter one, "You're all alive."

"Hold up," says Lady Serene, "I think this one's dead."

[Lady Serene nudges one of the prisoners with her Doc Martins. The prisoner... errr... guest... stirs.]

"Nope, just a heavy sleeper."

"I'm not quite sure how to take this," says the loud one, "clearly our failure to incite you to more murderous violence lessens us as hosts. Nay, as human beings."

[The three Serenes stand silently, contemplating the lack of bloodshed. The loud one puts his masked head in his hands and begins weeping silently. The short one is confused by the lack of blood, and Lady Serene stares at the guests shaking her head disapprovingly. Kinda like when your mom says she's not mad, just disappointed in you. The morning is interrupted by a knock at the door, and a loud laugh emanates from the top of the stairs.]

"EHUEHUEHEHEUHEHEHEHUEHUE OKAY YOU MENTAL PATIENTS ITS PSYCH EVALUATION TIME"

"Shit," says the shorter Serene, "it's our therapist."

[The therapist walks down the stairs and greets the guests, then looks across the room.]

"DR. HEINRICH VON FATE AT YOUR PLEASURE! NOW THEN, what have we here?! Why has most of the bloodshed fallen upon my patients to carry out? This isn't good for their therapy, it's down right deplorable!"

"Does that mean you'll be letting us go?" asks one of the guests.

"Let you GO?!" replies Dr. Fate, "EHEHUEHEUHEUHEUHE DO I LOOK LIKE I'M LETTING YOU FUCKING GO?! We can't let you go now, it would be detrimental to their fucking therapy! They've made so much progress, if we let you go now they'll regress back to the Old Ways! I AIN'T HAVING THAT SHIT! I'VE WORKED TOO HARD ON THESE THREE TO HELP THEM ATTAIN ENLIGHTENMENT LIKE ME! Let you go, DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MODERN PSYCHIATRY?! YOU CHEEKY LITTLE---"

[Dr. Fate, the Enlightened Serene, recomposes himself.]

"Anyway, it would be detrimental to the mental health of the patients --- as well as a waste of your self-sacrifice --- to let anyone go. You're just going to have to make do with what you have."

[The four of them begin climbing the stairs again. Lady Serene turns to address the guests.]

"Okay," she says, "don't disappoint us today! You heard the therapist, make with the murder, it'll be healthier for all of us. Oh, and we'll be sending down some cans of creamed corn that we found in an old German WW2 bunker. Most of them are probably still good, but you might not want to eat the ones that are dented or bulging."

[The door closes and the day begins.]

14 players, you still need 8 for a wholesome, healing bloodshed.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

T-Bone (2): Titus, Muffin

INFRACTIONS

AngryPidgeon 1/3

Oh, and I lied. It's 13 players, 7 to lynch. Much better.

Nachomamma8 & espeonage have been tasered.

(expired on 2015-02-28 09:00:00), though frankly the Serenes are not sure they can wait that long without losing what's left of their minds.

The Turk will be watching while we're away.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

espeonage (5): ChannelDelibird, Nachomamma8, Tiershift, BRantz, Bookitty
T-Bone (2): Titus, Muffin
ChannelDelibird (1): AngryPidgeon
Titus (1): beastcharizard

INFRACTIONS

AngryPidgeon 1/3
fferyllt 1/3
beastcharizard 2/3

Oh, and I lied. It's 13 players, 7 to lynch. Much better.

espeonage will be replaced.

(expired on 2015-02-28 09:00:00),

tap tap tap tap tap tap

.

[Serene2]

You guys solved the replacement problem through wanton murder! Good for you!

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens, and the three Serenes stand at the top of the stairs. They're holding captive a young lady with a hood over her head.]

"Alright, listen up," says the loudest Serene, "Espeonage doesn't seem to be talking very much, so we brought someone to take his place."

"Pirate mollie now loses whatever respect we had for her by replacing in," says Lady Serene.

"Ummm... actually, your magnificences," says one of the prisoners, pointing meekly to the rafters.

[The three Serenes look up and realize that the prisoners have hung Espeonage and he is now very dead and certainly not in need of replacing. The three Serenes are speechless. Finally, the smaller one speaks.]

"Hmm... well, that certainly is a pro-active way to help us out with replacing players," he says, "But what do we do with mollie?"

"We could just hurl her down the stairs," says the loud one. The prisoner shakes her hooded head with a muffled objection.

"Nah," says Lady Serene, "we only brought 17 body bags. We don't have any to spare, and the wood chipper's busted."

"Fine," says the loud one, "We'll just drive out to the woods and release her back into the wild."

[The shorter Serene takes the newest non-prisoner back out of the basement. Lady Serene and the Loud Serene descend the stairs with Reverend Insincere behind them. They poke Espeonage's body with a stick and cut him down. He plops unceremoniously onto the hard floor. Reverend Insincere begins reading from a small black Bible.]

"Zoinks!" says Reverend Insincere, "Fair people of the basement, today we lament the loss of Espeonage, the Short Bus Rider. He taught us many things in life. Were it not for him, we may never have known how to unclog the toilets. I'll never forget the time I pulled his finger. Never again. The day I met him, he was licking the windows of my parish. When I called the police, he openly insulted their hygiene. I've never seen a man get tazered for so long without suffering permanent brain da---- ohhh. That explains alot, actually. Anyway, he's dead now. C'est la vie."

[Reverend Insincere returns upstairs while Lady Serene and Loud Serene stuff Espeonage into a very cheap body bag. They drag it up the stairs, while Lady Serene turns to address the prisoners.]

"Okay then," she says, "that was way quicker than the last one. Good job! Dr. Fate has promised to take us on a picnic after we drop mollie off, so if you all behave maybe we'll bring you back something. Maybe. But probably not. We're gonna go ahead and turn off the lights now."

[And so they do, as the game goes into night.]

VOTECOUNT

Espeonage (7): ChannelDeliBird, Nachomamma8, TierShift, BRantz, BooKitty, Muffin, Nobody Special
Titus (1): beastcharizard,
CDB (1): , AngryPidgeon,
AngryPidgeon (1): Titus

INFRACTIONS

Day Ends. Clean slate!

Espeonage, Vanilla Townie, has been LYNCHED.
pirate mollie, was released alone into the wilderness.

It is now Night 2.

[Serene2]

[The door opens once again. The smell of cheap booze, cheaper cigars, and cheaper still dancers wafts down from upstairs. An unseen hand turns on the light switch and the three Serenes descend to the basement. The smaller one is carrying a picnic basket.]

"Okay," says the smaller one, "I know we promised you guys some leftovers from the picnic we had with Dr. Fate, but we were REALLY hungry after a long therapy session. You guys just have no idea how hard it is running this game and keeping track of you people. It's very stressful for us."

"We did bring you back something, though," says Lady Serene.

[Opening the picnic basket, the smaller one fishes out a long-dead possum that was almost certainly run over by a car a couple of days ago.]

"You guys have to split that," says the loud one. "How many ways? Uh... let's see. Wait. What's that?"

[The Serenes turn their attention to TierShift, who isn't moving. Mostly because he's been shot in the back of the head. Being killed in your sleep tends to reduce the amount of movement you make. The three Serenes are overjoyed at this development.]

"Excellent," says Lady Serene, "This is really starting to shape up, now, you guys are being overcome with an insatiable bloodlust! I'm so proud of you."

[The loudest Serene is choked up and sheds a tear.]

"They... they grow up so fast," he says, "One day they're scared little hostages and the next thing you know they're all grown up and murdering on their own."

"They better get us a Father's Day card this year," says the shorter one, also choked up.

"REVEREND INSINCERE!" shouts the louder one, "GET YOUR INDICTED ASS IN HERE! WE GOT BUSINESS FOR YOU TO ATTEND TO!"

[Reverend Insincere comes downstairs, reeking of cheap liquor and Candy's dime-store perfume. He examines TierShift's body and consults his notes.]

"Oh great and glorious leader, how you shall be missed among this basement filled with murderers, rabble-rousers, revolutionaries, insurgents, insolent hacks, and bullies. You dedicated your life to improving the military readiness of this basement lest it become besieged by enemies that existed only in your mind. For that, we are eternally grateful despite the fact that you were brutally and horrifically murdered by those very enemies that turned out to be all-too-real. If indeed you had a failing, it was probably

CENSORED BY THE NATIONAL POLICE SERVICE

. And truly, one was often baffled by your tendencies to

ALL HAIL GLORIOUS LEADER

. In fact, you probably deserved to die after that time that

THE LEADER IS INFALLIBLE SECOND ONLY TO GOD HIMSELF

. And let us not forget the time

NO, NOT SECOND. FIRST. REST IN PEACE GREAT LEADER THE LIFE-GIVER, CZAR OF EARTH AND AIR

. Wait, what's going on here?!"

[Two men in dark suits walk over to Reverend Insincere, take him by the arms and lead him out of the basement. The three Serenes look at one another quizzically.]

"Ummm... he'll be okay, he has diplomatic immunity, I think," says the shorter one.

[The other two Serenes easily put TierShift into a far too large bodybag and start up the stairs.]

"Oh by the way," says Lady Serene, "we had a bit of a run-in with PETA earlier today. We may have to store some laboratory animals down here with you. You probably shouldn't eat them, though, they've been through a lot of testing."

"Yeah," says the loud Serene, "Weird tests. Chemical tests. Infectious disease, that kinda stuff. Stuff you've probably never even heard of, I mean, that swan looks like something out of a fucking horror movie, I don't even know how the--- anyway... You guys should be fine."

[The door closes and the day begins.]

TierShift, Town Jailkeeper, has been shot Night 2.

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens. A metal box labeled "EXPERIMENTAL" comes tumbling down the stairs. One of the Serenes yells behind it, "Don't let this thing bite any of you, I'm not filling out any paperwork! And not a word to PETA!" The metal box falls open, and out oozes a hideous thing that seems to be half a dozen swans fused together in a horrific mass of flesh and swan heads. The poor animal looks at the prisoners with its heads and honks or quacks or whatever mutant swans do.]

(Swanmass shamelessly stolen from Zoofights)

VOTECOUNT

T-Bone (2)- Muffin, Titus
AngryPidgeon (2)- Bookitty, NobodySpecial
Nobody Special (1)- BRantz
BRantz (1)- AngryPidgeon
BooKitty (1)- Nachomamma8

With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

[Serene2]

Do you guys need more weapons?

VOTECOUNT

T-Bone (2): Muffin, Titus
AngryPidgeon (2): Bookitty
Nobody Special (2): BRantz, Muffin
BRantz (1): AngryPidgeon
BooKitty (1): Nachomamma8
Titus (1): NobodySpecial

With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens and a voice yells down the stairs.]

"Beastcharizard and T-Bone have been prodded!"

[Another cage comes tumbling down the stairs.]

"The PETA people are outside protesting, you guys take care of Milhouse for us."

[The poor creature emerges from the cage and saunters off to a corner to cuddle up to the swanmass.]

[Serene2]

The general torpor of the prisoners is jarred by the commotion of a bucket of cheap assorted candies being thrown down the stairs. An enthusiastic youngster runs down excitedly trying to catch some of the colorful sweets - he doesn't notice the unwashed prisoners until the door shuts with an ominous boom. "Here," says one of the prisoners, unceremoniously pushing the limp, oftr-tasered body of T-Bone aside, "we got room for you, and can you fetch us some Tootsie Rolls before you settle down?"

Pine replaces T-Bone immediately.

[Serene2]

"Well the angry mob outside seems to have dispersed for the most part. That's a good thing, because today we've had to resort to feeding you guys Grade F meat. It's mostly horse testicles. They're full of testicular nutrients though!"

VOTECOUNT

Nobody Special (3)- BRantz, Muffin, Titus
Titus (1)- Nobody Special
AngryPidgeon (1)- Bookitty
BRantz (1)- AngryPidgeon
BooKitty (1)- Nachomamma8
With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Bookitty 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3

beastcharizard will be replaced.

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens, and once again pirate mollie is tossed unceremoniously down the steps. The louder Serene shouts behind her.]

"Look who's back! We abandoned her off in the woods like 10 miles out of town, but somehow she found her way back here. Anyone with such blatantly poor judgement probably belongs in here with you guys. Anyway, since beastcharizard is unconscious, she can take his place."

[pirate mollie settles in next to the very unconscious beastcharizard.]

pirate mollie, having never received the role PM for Espeonage, actually DOES replace beastcharizard this time. Effective immediately.

[Serene2]

"nevermind"

[Serene2]

Hey losers! Get a load of this huge, pounding, throbbing deadline!

(expired on 2015-02-28 09:00:00)

VOTECOUNT

Nobody Special (3)- BRantz, Muffin, Titus
BRantz (2)- AngryPidgeon, fferyllt
Titus (1)- Nobody Special
AngryPidgeon (1)- Bookitty
BooKitty (1)- Nachomamma8

With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Bookitty 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3

[Serene2]

TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC TIC TOC

(expired on 2015-02-28 09:00:00)

VOTECOUNT

Nobody Special (3)- BRantz, Muffin, Titus
BRantz (2)- AngryPidgeon, fferyllt
Titus (1)- Nobody Special
AngryPidgeon (1)- Bookitty
BooKitty (1)- Nachomamma8

With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Bookitty 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3

BRantz & CDB have been prodded for reasons, and Muffin was prodded for sport.

[Serene2]

(expired on 2015-02-28 09:00:00)

[The basement door opens and the Loud Serene screams down the stairs.]

"Just so you guys know, one of us won a prestigious award and is presently too drunk on power and celebratory wine to even consider dealing with you degenerates. The other one of us is out of town. I have you guys all to myself for awhile! NOW MAKE WITH THE MURDER!"

[The door closes. There is no Dana. Only Zuul.]

VOTECOUNT

BRantz (4)- AngryPidgeon, fferyllt, Nachomamma8, Bookitty
Nobody Special (2)- BRantz, Titus
Titus (1)- Nobody Special
AngryPidgeon (1)- Muffin


With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Bookitty 1/3
AngryPidgeon 1/3
Nachomamma8 1/3

[Serene2]

(expired on 2015-02-28 09:00:00)

VOTECOUNT

BRantz (6)- AngryPidgeon, fferyllt, Nachomamma8, Bookitty, pirate mollie, Nobody Special

LYNCH

AngryPidgeon (2)- Muffin, Titus
Nobody Special (1)- BRantz



With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

DAY'S OVER! CLEAN SLATE!

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens. The Loud Serene descends the steps with only Reverend Insincere in tow. Loud Serene looks delighted to see BRantz's body dangling from the noose attached to the rafters. His toes are barely touching a box that's below him.]

"You know," says the Loud Serene, "he has to be fully suspended in order to die. You guys realize that, right? I mean, this isn't your first murder.

"Wait," chokes BRantz, "you don't have to do this! I haven't even seen your faces, I don't have to die!"

[The Loud Serene sighs, then removes his mask, revealing his true face to BRantz. He then puts his mask back on.]

BRantz: WHY WOULD YOU---

[The Loud one kicks the box out from under BRantz. BRantz's last words are cut off by the rope tightening around his neck. He struggles and chokes, and it's really horrible so I won't keep describing it. Loud Serene looks at his wristwatch and waits for the convulsions to stop.]

"So," he says, making conversation, "Did any of you catch the score of the basketball game last night? Shit, wait no, of course you didn't. How stupid of me."

[BRantz finally stops twitching and hangs very limp and equally dead. The Serene cuts him down and starts stuffing his corpse into a body bag. Reverend Insincere addresses the prisoners.]

"Gentle folk of Uncouth Mafia," he begins, "today we mourn the loss of My Mother. Although she wasn't truly my mother in the traditional sense of the word, she was like a mother to all of us. You made sure she'd never nag again, didn't you? Sure, she could be overbearing and shrewish, but did she really deserve to die? Sadly, the answer is yes. Yes, she did. And so, we commit this body unto the ground. May she find peace in the Lord's arms where she'll probably tell him to stop slouching and do something about world hunger already."

"So touching," says the Loud Serene as he uses a foot to nudge the corpse into the bag.

[The Reverend and the Serene turn to leave, dragging the dead body up the stairs.]

"Okay, fuckers," says the Serene, "LIGHTS OUT! Anyone who survives the night, we're having stale bread from the men's shelter for breakfast. And for dinner. Lunch is being skipped because honestly, we're running out of money for this little therapy treatment."

[The door closes, encasing the room in darkness.]

BRantz has been LYNCHED. He was MY MOTHER, Mafia Goon.

Night will last 72 hours.

[Serene2]

The Night Deadline is suspended while we seek a replacement for Pine.

[Serene2]

Untrod Tripod replaces Pine, effective immediately. The Night has been extended to 24 hours from the time of this post. All night actions must be submitted by then.

(expired on 2015-03-02 13:00:00)

[Serene2]

[The loud Serene opens the basement door and turns on the light. He's coming down the stairs with a man in a suit and the Reverend Insincere. The fellow in the suit looks at the prisoners disapprovingly, and then addresses them.]

"Folks," he says, "I am Arthur P. Dingenschitz, attorney-at-law. I represent the three Serenes in their various ongoing legal battles."

"If you're a lawyer, you're letting us go, right? This can't be legal, can it?" says one of the prisoners.

"Actually," replies Dingenschitz, "it's very legal. You see, the BadaBing is zoned Commercial-7 thanks to a loophole in city planning law. It allows the property to be used legally for commercial activity, residential boarding, food service, and hunting people for sport. Although there is no hunting in question, the case of Lawyers vs. Justice set a precedent where the three Serenes can continue their activity here for as long as they're under the medical care of Dr. Fate."

"Yeah, so cork your pieholes," says the loud Serene.

"What my client meant," says Dingenschitz, "is that you should stop complaining about the various legal activities here. He did not mean to imply that you should place an actual cork in any hole you may have, whether pie or otherwise."

"Oh Jesus Christ."

"What my client meant is that metaphorically speaking, he was calling out to a deity which may or may not exist in whole or in part."

[The Loud Serene inspects the prisoners, and finds that one has been horribly killed in their sleep. It's pirate mollie, whose brains now paint a neat little spot on the floor.]

"Oh good," says Serene, "One less mouth to feed. But geez, she JUST GOT here, was this really necessary?"

"What my client meant was---"

"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, MAN, GIVE IT A FUCKING REST! God I fucking hate lawyers. Almost as much as I hate the clergy. Oh, speaking of..."

"Thanks for that," says Reverend Insincere, inspecting the body. ""People of the town, we gather today to mourn the loss of the Bloodhound. I however, refuse to mourn his loss as he repeatedly did his dirty business in my flower beds. Nonetheless, it probably didn't deserve to be 'Michael Vicked' like that. It's a DOG, people. Was that really necessary? Regardless, since it explicitly says in the Holy Bible that animals do not go to Heaven, it's kind of a moot point anyway."

"Really earning that $6.00 an hour, aren't you Reverend?" says the Loud One, as he stuffs pirate mollie into a body bag.

"$6.00 isn't even minimum---" begins Dingenschitz.

"CRAM IT WITH WALNUTS, UGLY," replies the Loud One as he starts dragging pirate mollie's body up the stairs.

[The two professionals follow him up the stairs and the day begins.]

Pirate mollie, "The Bloodhound," Vanilla Townie, has been killed.

With 9 alive, it takes 5 votes to horrifically murder someone.

[Serene2]

The tall Serene was still ambling up the stairs with the delicately putrefying canine corpse of pirate mollie, struggling to do the job on his own, noticing that the prisoners strangely quiet. He felt a sticky substance splash in the back of its neck. He reached to wipe it off with his hand, assuming this was going to be another spray of permanently staining condiments from Bookitty, and was filled with contentment and satisfaction to when he saw that is was blood. "Hey" he shouted out to share the good news with the other two Serenes whose steps he could hear upstairs, "I think the experimental subjects are getting in the swing of things!"

The steps quickened their pace. Lady Serene, coming down with a still giddy, slowly sobering up smart Serene, was astounded to witness one of the most inspiring spectacles of her life, one that she would remember fondly forever. The tall Serene was beaming. In a fit of savagery, the prisoners had not wasted one precious moment on pointless dialogue and conciliation; they had acted in unison, a perfectly tuned hive-mind, and had jumped on Muffin to devour him, like a pack of hungry dogs.

"Beautiful. Beautiful." whispered the tall, awestruck Serene. "We have to let them finish their meals," Lady Serene suggested wisely. The smart Serene agreed: "We need to reward this. Let them have last night's corpse, too! Besides, I am getting a little tired digging shallow graves by the highway... but the kicker is that we'll be able to save on the catering."

Lady Serene clutched her pearls. "We must not delay in dignifying this positive development!" She pulled out her tablet, and Skype dialed Reverend Insincere (currently waiting to be bailed out on some trivial solicitation charges), and turned the tablet towards the feasting prisoners. Tall Serene walked up the stairs ahead of the other two.

"Very few of us will miss our friend, the Internet Stalker. In fact we're probably richer for having lost him. He did not forgive, he did not forget. He once hacked my cellphone and posted compromising pictures of me and a member of my parish to my Facebook page. I... probably shouldn't have mentioned that for those of you that never saw it. And so, Internet Stalker, better known as Chris Jones of 432 Maple Drive, Springfield Illinois, who drove his 2005 Ford Focus (vanity plate 'LOLPWN' to his daily job at Happy Burger, and died a virgin--- that's right, that's what you get for confessing your sins--- we commit you to the Lord's loving embrace. Or, more likely, the other guy."

Tall Serene came back and tossed the prisoners a few bottles of Kraft BBQ sauce.

They smiled at each other, held arms in fraternity. Sure it was before 10AM, but it's never too early for celebratory cocktails at the Bada Bing.

VOTECOUNT

Muffin (5): fferyllt, AngryPidgeon, Untrod Tripod, Nachomamma8, NobodySpecial
AngryPidgeon (1): Muffin

With 9 alive, it takes 5 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

NONE!

Muffin, Vanilla townie, was unceremoniously turned into chewy tartar.

Deadline for night: (expired on 2015-03-06 09:00:00)

[Serene2]

[An unseen hand turns on the lights in the basement. The prisoners look up, expecting to see the Serenes. Instead, a sinister bald man wearing a monocle stands at the top of the stairs. With an air of arrogant superiority, he descends the stairway.]

"At last I've found you," says the man, "after all these weeks of our cat and mouse game! Don't you know, Baron Happleblap, Fifteenth Baron of the Happleblap Line is always one step ahead?! You thought you'd killed me, didn't you? Oh, no, sir, that was merely one of my body doubles! A common ploy, I'm surprised you fell for it."

[He surveys the prisoners, looking at this undignified and uncouth bunch with disdain.]

"Surprised," he says, "and yet... I see the company you keep, and I'm not surprised. Yes, Nachomamma8, my hated nemesis, your day of reckoning has come! The chain letters... the vaguely racist graffiti... chemically burning your OWN NAME into my lawn! Today I'll see you in hell and---"

[He approaches the side of the room where Nachomamma8 has been confined, and stops in his tracks. Nachomamma8 is already quite dead, having been killed in the night.]

"Wh--- what is this?! No... NO! WHAT HAVE YOU PEOPLE DONE?! THIS MAN WAS MINE TO KILL!"

[Baron Happleblap drops to his knees, draping himself over Nachomamma8's corpse.]

"You people are pigs! You've robbed me of my purpose in life! What have I got left now to live for?! NOTHING! WORSE THAN NOTHING! I'm a man without an enemy! Now who will I hate?! I've hated this man for so long, it's become a part of me! I don't want to live in a world without you, sweet prince!"

[Baron Happleblap sobs uncontrollably, drawing a handgun and putting it to his own head. Before he can join Nachomamma8 in death, the smart Serene steps behind him and injects Baron Happleblap with a powerful sedative, rendering him unconscious. The other two Serenes join him next to the two prone forms.]

"Yeah, none of that," says the Smart One.

"Doesn't this guy know how much body bags cost?" asks Lady Serene.

"Should we get the Reverend?"

"Nah," says the Loud One, "I don't really think he could deliver a eulogy as well as this guy. Let's get him back to his castle. Or wherever it is that barons live these days."

[Lady Serene and the Smart One stuff Nachomamma8 into a body bag, and begin dragging him upstairs. The Loud Serene grabs Baron Happleblap by the feet and drags him up the stairs too. The day has begun, now make with the murder.]

Nachomamma8, Town Mason, was spared the ignominy of being slaughtered by Baron Happleblap!

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (1): Titus

With 7 alive, it takes 4 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

NONE!

[Serene2]

Don't make the Serenes fall asleep!!! Here are more sharp knives.

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (1): Titus
ChannelDelibird (1): Bookitty

With 7 alive, it takes 4 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

NONE!

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (1): Titus
ChannelDelibird (1): Bookitty
Nobody Special (1): AngryPidgeon

With 7 alive, it takes 4 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

NONE!

Untrod Tripod will be prodded immediately

[Serene2]

CDB was un-necessarily prodded for fun.

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (2): Titus, Nobody Special
ChannelDelibird (1): Bookitty
Nobody Special (1): AngryPidgeon

With 7 alive, it takes 4 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Angry Pidgeon: 1/3

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens, and the Reverend Insincere begins to descend the stairs with one of the dancers from the BadaBing. He stops and is dumbfounded at the sight of the prisoners.]

"Wow, you guys are still alive?" he asks. "Sorry, Shaquanda, I forgot there's a thing going on down here. Is the back alley still $50 extra?"

[He hurries back up the steps and closes the door. Lady Serene issues a vote count for good measure.]

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (2): Titus, Nobody Special
ChannelDelibird (1): Bookitty
Titus (1): AngryPidgeon

With 7 alive, it takes 4 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Angry Pidgeon: 1/3

CDB has been prodded

[Serene2]

@MODS:

Please, I must request replacement.

Now seeking a replacement for Nobody Special.

edit: AND CDB TOO

WHY DO YOU PEOPLE HATE US SO MUCH

[Serene2]

[The three Serenes enter the basement, holding pillowcases and handcuffs.]

"Okay, listen up," says the Loud Serene, "The cost of keeping you guys down here is starting to climb. You're just not killing each other fast enough, and frankly it took you way too long to resort to cannibalism. We didn't plan for this, and as a result we decided to demand ransom from some of your families for your safe return. Unlikely though that seems."

"So," says the Smart One, "we've actually received payments for two of you."

"I didn't know any of these reprobates had family," says Lady Serene, "let alone people who'd be willing to PAY to see them alive again!"

"Well, there was that one guy that offered to double it if we could assure him he'd never see the prisoner again at all," replies Smart Serene.

"To be fair," says the Loud Serene, "we were only asking for $32.75."

"What do you want from me?" asks Lady Serene. "I didn't think their lives were worth more than that."

[They place the pillowcases over the heads of ChannelDeliBird and Nobody Special, handcuffing them and starting up the stairs with them.]

"You guys are coming with us," says the Smart One. "You're not like the other prisoners, apparently you're loved."

[The door doesn't close, instead, two new faces tumble head over heels down the stairs.]

"This is Egg and goodmorning!" says the Loud One. "They're playing with you guys now! Don't give them any special treatment--- they're worthless dirt, just like the rest of you!"

"Speaking of dirt," says the Smart One, "that's what you're having for lunch. But hey, it's pottery dirt, so it's got those little styrofoam vitamins in it."

"Have a great day, my little pig droppings!" says Lady Serene.

[The door closes and the game continues.]

Egg now replaces Nobody Special.
goodmorning now replaces ChannelDeliBird.

[Serene2]

The door opens and Lady Serene shows up dressed like Rambo and brandishing a semi-automatic weapon. She is loudly thumping her muddy army boots going down the stairs. Her fatigues are filthy, her forehead sweaty and bloody. She sits in the stairs, fist on one hip, elbow on one knee.

"The SWAT team is here"

she pants,

"Smart Serene is in talks with the hostage negotiators, he's stalling them so that we can continue our important experiment. We are close to the end. We cannot lose everything now. I know you feel like we do that the results are going to be a cornerstone in the the furtherance of civilization, psychology, and social refinement. I am going to hang down here with you to make sure this gets accomplished in a timely fashion, seeing that the Bada Bing is under siege, and we're on the 24 hour cycle on CNN."

She stands up gravely, points her weapon at the filthy hostages.

"Get to it,"

she utters in a most sinister tone that sends a chill down everyone's spines.

(expired on 2015-03-31 09:00:00)

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (1): Egg
Egg (1): AngryPidgeon
AngryPidgeon (1): Titus
goodmorning (1): fferyllt

With 7 alive, it takes 4 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Titus: 2/3
Angry Pidgeon: 1/3
fferrylt: 1/3

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

goodmorning (4): fferyllt, AngryPidgeon, Bookitty, Titus

With 7 alive, it takes 4 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Titus: 2/3
Angry Pidgeon: 1/3
fferrylt: 1/3

[Serene2]

[Lady Serene taps her foot impatiently, still brandishing her semiautomatic weapon. Behind her, the door opens. The Smart One and the Loud One descend the stairs, looking distressed. Smart Serene is holding a cordless phone. Loud Serene is brandishing an RPG-7 rocket launcher.]

"Have they picked someone yet?" asks the Smart Serene.

"They've been pussyfooting around," says Lady Serene, "but I think they're almost at a decision."

"Good," replies the Smart One. "I can only hold off the hostage negotiators for so long."

[The portable phone in the Smart Serene's hand rings. He answers.]

"Hello, you've reached the crime scene," he says. "Mhm. Yeah. Okay, so we're agreed. We'll trade you three of their thumbs for a large pizza. What do you mean, 'don't cut off their thumbs?!' What is this, the Lincoln-Doulgass debates?!"

"Hey!" says the Loud Serene, "Tell them I want fifty live lemurs on top of the other demands!"

"Quiet, don't be absurd," says Smart Serene. "It's a delicate process. Anyway, yes, we want fifty live lemurs. No. Sixty. Sixty lemurs and a leprechaun. Of course they're real."

"They're jerking us around, man!" says the Loud Serene. "Tell them they have no sway over us!"

[The Smart Serene shushes the Loud Serene again.]

"Of course I'm being serious!"

"THE SERENES DO NOT RECOGNIZE THE AUTHORITY OF THE STATE POLICE!" screams Loud Serene, as the Smart One tries to talk over the shouting. "THE SOVEREIGN REPUBLIC OF THE BADA BING SHALL NOT BE HELD DOWN BY AN IRON BOOT!"

[At this point, the prisoners point at goodmorning. They have chosen her for death. Before goodmorning can protest. Lady Serene aims her semiautomatic weapon at her and fires. Several shots miss, because she's a Serene and not a trained marksman. Finally, one of the shots finds its mark and ends goodmorning messily.]

"What?" asks the Smart Serene, still speaking to the hostage negotiators. "No, that wasn't gunfire. Uhhh. I had beans for lunch."

"TELL THE NEGOTIATORS THAT THE STREETS WILL FLOOD WITH THE BLOOD OF THE NON-BELIEVERS!" shouts the Loud One. "YOU WILL ALL PERISH IN FLAMES! FUCK THE POLICE!"

"Ummm, no," says Smart Serene, "that's just the television. We gotta go."

[Smart Serene hangs up the phone. The three of them investigate the body of goodmorning.]

"Well," says Lady Serene, "we're going to go back upstairs for the night. We can't really dispose of this body while the building's surrounded, so just toss it in the corner. We're gonna try and find a TV so that we can keep track of the news coverage.

"Do you even know how to use that thing?" asks Smart Serene, pointing to the rocket launcher in Loud Serene's hands.

"Eh, I'm sure I can figure it out," replies Loud Serene as the three of them walk back upstairs.

[The door closes and the lights go out. Night has begun.]

goodmorning, "The Klutz," Vanilla townie, suffered lead poisoning as a result of the daily vote.

[Serene2]

[The basement door opens as the lights come on. The Loud Serene and the Smart Serene are lugging a ridiculously old television down the steps while Lady Serene is dragging a cable behind her. The captors are visibly tense. An air of mortality and disdain hangs over the basement. Loud Serene starts fiddling with the hookup for the television, and Lady Serene addresses the prisoners.]

"There is no time for polite pleasantries," she says. "We've brought this TV down here so that we can follow the news coverage. Since this situation... somewhat... vaguely affects you, we've decided to let you watch too."

"What the fuck is coaxial re-uptake input?" says the Loud Serene. He turns toward the Smart Serene. "What is with these instructions?! Hey, do you speak Swahili?"

"I do, actually," replies the Smart Serene, who instead turns the instructions over to the English side. "Try that."

[Loud Serene continues fiddling with the back of the television while the Smart Serene inspects the prisoners. Lady Serene taps her semiautomatic weapon against the palm of her hand.]

"Oh, hey, look, someone's dead. Which one is this?" he asks.

[He stands over Egg, who has been shot in the head overnight.]

"Looks like Egg... got scrambled." says the Smart One.

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" shouts the CSI Miami theme as Loud Serene finally gets the TV working. Internally, the Smart Serene wishes he had some sunglasses to put on. The Loud Serene changes the channel to CNN, which is now featuring 24-hour coverage of the siege at the Bada Bing.

"... hour 17 of this standoff. The strip club has a sordid history, as the building was once the home of the Church of the Unblinking Eye. In 1984, charismatic cult leader Michael Majiffy led his followers to mass suicide in the basement of the building---"

"Usually we'd have Reverend Insincere deliver a eulogy," she says, nodding at the Reverend, who is passed out drunk next to the hot water heater. "But I think we're past that point today. The FBI has joined the standoff, so I suggest you people get on with the experiment."

[Lady Serene glares menacingly at the hostages, tapping her booted foot on the hard floor. Loud Serene is shouting into the telephone, asking why Dominos refuses to deliver to an active crime scene. Smart Serene is scribbling some calculations on a piece of paper. The stench of death is upon you all. The Serenes expect more of the same. Day 6 has begun.]

Egg, "The Bridezilla," Vanilla townie, was scrambled Night 5.

VOTECOUNT

No one is voting.

With 5 alive, it takes 3 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

NONE!

Deadline: (expired on 2015-04-23 09:00:00)

[Serene2]

CNN Live coverage: Standoff at the Bada Bing: Hour 20

"Breaking news, the ASPCA has joined the standoff at the Bada Bing. The ASPCA spokesman cited concerns about the treatment of some rats. The ASPCA's Armed Response Unit is presently on the scene, joining the FBI, State Police, ATF, and a diplomatic envoy from the People's Republic of China. All of them are claiming jurisdiction over the crime scene. As the number of armed law enforcement members increases, the chances of a peaceful resolution continue to dwindle. "

Deadline: (expired on 2015-04-23 09:00:00)

VOTECOUNT

Indecisive much?

With 5 alive, it takes 3 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Untrod Tripod: 3/3
fferrylt: 1/3
Titus: 1/3

[Serene2]

A modkill occurs on the fourth infraction, not the third.

[Serene2]

CNN Live coverage: Standoff at the Bada Bing: Hour 22

"Folks, in a world exclusive, we now reportedly have first-hand accounts from someone inside the Bada Bing. Tell me, are all of the hostages safe?"

"Well, to be honest it's awful down here. The suspects are heavily armed and HOWARD STERN RULES! BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY!"

[The caller is disconnected as the talking head on TV mumbles about people needing to get a life.]

Deadline: (expired on 2015-04-23 09:00:00)

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (1): AngryPigeon

With 5 alive, it takes 3 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Untrod Tripod: 3/3
fferrylt: 1/3
Titus: 1/3

[Serene2]

CNN Live coverage: Standoff at the Bada Bing: Hour 28

"With night falling at the Bada Bing, the assorted government agencies are doing everything they can to keep the level of bloodshed to a minimum. The American Historical Society has now dispatched a SWAT Team to the scene, claiming that the strip club rests on an ancient Native American burial ground. In 1977, an alleged haunting occurred there, which later became the basis for the pornographic film "Debbie Does A Ghost." This brings the number of law enforcement agencies at the Bada Bing to six, as well as numerous not-for-profit charities and community outreach groups. Earlier today, the Christian Coalition arrived in tanks borrowed from the Salvation Army, but they were quickly outgunned by soldiers representing the Monsanto Corporation..."

Deadline: (expired on 2015-04-23 09:00:00)

VOTECOUNT

AngryPigeon (3): AngryPigeon, Titus, Untrod Tripod. LYNCH

With 5 alive, it takes 3 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

Untrod Tripod: 3/3
fferrylt: 1/3
Titus: 1/3

flavor and flip in about 90 minutes

[Serene2]

[With the talking heads on television endlessly speculating about messy deaths for everyone in the building, the tension in the basement is at an all-time high. Loud Serene is becoming more agitated by the minute, pacing back and forth while muttering the curses of a long-forgotten and vengeful god. Lady Serene glares at the prisoners, desperately hoping that this therapy session ends before the SWAT teams outside bring the standoff to a messy end. Smart Serene is continuously making phone calls to the hostage negotiators, the media, his attorney, his therapist, and his mechanic. Loud Serene absent-mindedly paces past AngryPidgeon, who trips Loud Serene. The Loud One fumbles his RPG-7 rocket launcher, and AngryPidgeon picks it up.]

"Wait," says Loud Serene, "Let's not be hasty."

"NO!" shouts AngryPidgeon, "They've chosen for me to die. I don't care if I die today, but I'll be god damned if I'm going alone!"

"Jesus Christ!" says Loud Serene, taking cover while AngryPidgeon tracks him with the explosives launcher. "Don't just stand there, get him!"

"Hold on, now," says Lady Serene, "Let's see where he's going with this."

"When you get to hell, tell them AngryPidgeon sent you!" He shouts, firing the rocket at Loud Serene.

[Unfortunately for the prisoner, a burst of flame fires from the back of the rocket launcher while the dud payload tumbles harmlessly to the floor. AngryPidgeon screams, wreathed from head to toe in fire. He stops, drops, and rolls. This smothers the rocket-fueled flames somewhat, but not before he is suffering third degree burns over his entire body. He very quickly expires on the basement floor. The prisoners and the Serenes are coughing and choking from the smoke and charred flesh.]

"Boy, am I glad I didn't try to fire THAT thing myself!" says the Loud Serene.

"Right?" says Lady Serene, snickering.

[With that, the lights suddenly go out, leaving the basement in darkness. The only light is from the phone in Smart Serene's hand.]

"Yeah," says Smart Serene, "the FBI has cut the power to the building."

"Damn," says Lady Serene, "we're so close to the end. You bunch can try and get some sleep. We're gonna work on the generator."

[Stumbling over the corpses, prisoners, rats and garbage in the basement, the Serenes get to work attempting to restore the power in the basement. Night 6 has begun.]

AngryPidgeon, "The Gastroenterologist, Vanilla Townie, was barbecued Day 6.

Says Reverend Insincere: "The Gastro-Enterologist was probably the only one among you with anything close to a medical degree. I mean, sure, he may have gotten his degree from Blugger State Community College, and of course he was the subject of multiple malpractice suits. But listen, I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have doing my colonoscopy. And now he's gone. Who am I going to go to now for my exam? Thanks alot, now I'm going to get colon cancer. I hope you people get warts."

Deadline: (expired on 2015-04-09 09:00:00)

[Serene2]

[The prisoners are awakened by the sound of cursing, as well as that of boots meeting metal repeatedly. There's a sputter, then another, then finally the generator kicks in. It chugs to life, bringing the lights on in the basement. Loud Serene and Lady Serene are standing next to the generator, smiling proudly and covered in what is hopefully motor oil. Smart Serene has been attaching an intricate tripwire to the basement door. Lady Serene looks over the remaining prisoners, and sees fferylt lying in a pool of blood. Reverend Insincere shrugs it off, he's pretty blasé by now.]

"And then there were three," says Lady Serene. "This will be the final day of the experiment."

"Which is for the better, really," says Loud Serene, "Pretty sure the SWAT team is going to breach and shoot us today anyhow."

"Nah," says Smart Serene, "The carbon monoxide from that piece of shit generator will probably kill us all before the cops get a chance."

[Loud Serene, looking more despondent than usual, turns on the television.]

"...Hour 36 of the standoff at the Bada Bing. To recap, police have positively identified the remains of a number of bodies in a nearby unmarked mass grave. Among the dead were multiple gunshot and strangulation victims, as well as one victim that had been partially eaten. You may remember that the situation started when police were tipped off by a jogger who found a body which had been unceremoniously dumped under a tree..."

[Smart Serene and Lady Serene look over at Loud Serene.]

"What?" says Loud Serene, "You guys were out of town! For fuck's sake, you know how hard it is to drag those bodies around by yourself?"

"It doesn't matter anymore," says Lady Serene, "The end is near. Our important work has almost come to a close."

"Yes," says Smart Serene, "I've already been hard at work preparing to... collate the data from this experiment."

"And if we die before the end?" asks Loud Serene.

"We won't," says Lady Serene, "But just in case..."

[Lady Serene turns toward the three remaining prisoners, her semi-automatic in her hand. She glares icily at her hostages.]

"Try and make it quick," she says, with all the compassion and heart of a feasting shark.

[And then there were three. Although the SWAT team was probably right now preparing to breach the basement (which would soon be filled to the brim with deadly carbon monoxide gas due to the generator), the game was not over. Day has begun.]

fferyllt - TOWN MASON - DRUNKEN SPORTS FAN, will be missing the NHL playoffs, too.

[Reverend Insincere stands before the weary, gray-faced basement dwellers, human, rodent, and arthropod alike. He's distracted by a small portable television.]

"Friends and... miscellaneous... We're gathered here today to... what are you doing? Drop back and pass! The Drunken sports fan has gone on into the Lord's lovi--- no, dammit, run around the blitz--- Truly he loved life and--- Damn you Flacco, just throw the damn ball! Throw it!--- We're all sadder and less full of life for having lost--- Throw it! YES! YES! TOUCHDOWWWWNNNN WHOOOOOOO! PRAISE JESUS THEY'VE COVERED THE SPREAD! THIRTY FIVE HUNDRED BIG ONES AHAHAHAHAHAHA"

[Reverend Insincere jumps up and down, rushing to call his bookie.]

Deadline: (expired on 2015-04-30 09:00:00)

[Serene2]

VOTECOUNT

Untrod Tripod (2): Titus, BooKitty LYNCH

With 3 alive, it takes 2 to lynch.

INFRACTIONS

NONE!

[No sooner did Lady Serene give her order than the players decided there was only one way out of this. One more murder and the "game" would end. Untrod Tripod turns to the other two to plead his case. BooKitty and Titus overpower him, and quickly tie him to the rafters. Despite being non-corpreal, Tripod somehow died quickly. Searching his pockets, Titus finds the handgun that had been used to murder so many in their sleep. She turns to Lady Serene.

"Tell me why I shouldn't kill you," says Titus.

"Because," replies Lady Serene, "we've brought out the best in you."

"That," says Smart Serene, "plus we only gave him one bullet a night."

[Titus looks down at the impotent weapon dejectedly. A sudden crash at the door interrupts the proceedings, and several things happen all at once. The tripwire on the door is activated, causing the basement to fill with a thick, dense smoke. A loud bang and a bright flash occur as the police throw a flashbang into the room and storm the basement.]

"FBI! EVERYBODY DOWN! What the f---"

[Smart Serene's smoke bomb had rendered visibility to zero. The police fumble about over the assorted garbage, corpses, and human waste. In thirty seconds, the smoke clears. Titus and BooKitty, beneath the hanging corpse of Tripod, are relieved. Salvation has come.]

"FBI," says the lead agent. "Titus and BooKitty, aka two of the Serenes, you're under arrest for multiple counts of murder, kidnapping, and dumping corpses in a no dumping zone."

"What?!" Shouts BooKitty, "get them! They're the kidnappers!"

"Who, those guys?"

[Titus and BooKitty look behind them, where the Serenes have unmasked and have chained themselves to the wall along with the Reverend while the smoke was filling the room.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Shouts Titus.

[The agent starts reading them their rights, while another agent frees the Serenes. Outside, BooKitty and Titus are being loaded into a police car. Behind them, Lady Serene watches with a mixture of fake distress and amusement. She winks at Titus. Baron Happleblap is in the crowd.]

"THERE THEY ARE!" He screams, pointing at BooKitty and Titus. "Those are the pigs that took my beloved enemy from me! Fry them! Shoot them!" VENGEANCE WILL BE MINE!"

"Don't worry, ma'am," says one of the agents to Lady Serene. "We know you've been through a lot. Dr. Heinrich Von Fate has offered to take your PTSD treatment pro bono."

"Good," says Lady Serene. "That would be a most... Polite thing to do."

Untrod Tripod, Mafia Rolecop, has been lynched

Titus and BooKitty, vanilla townies survive.
TOWN WINS

I've made the mafia and dead PTs public

[Serene2]

TWO YEARS LATER

"CNN breaking news, we now have word that the jury has Handed down sentencing in the so-called 'uncouth murders.' BooKitty, also known as Lady Serene, was sentenced to 40 consecutive life terms in prison for kidnapping and murder. Titus, also known as Smart Serene, was also found guilty of the same, was sentenced to 72 hours of community service. This is in no small part due to Titus having a celebrity lawyer. Their accomplice, Untrod Tripod, better known as Loud Serene, remains dead."

WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

[Lady Serene, now known as Dripping Goofball, looks up from her laptop. Deadlines were never a favorite of hers, though the money she receives for her daily advice column, "Ask Miss Conduct," more than made up for it. She had found her calling, instructing people on the ways of polite society to avoid uncouth behavior.]

[Smart Serene, now calling himself FakeGod, steps back from his desk. He smiles. Fermat's last theorem had eluded generations of mathematicians, but now he'd done it. After devising several new proofs, he had found an alternate solution for math's impossible riddle.]

[Loud Serene, or as you know him, "Kuribo the Crimson Warrior," stood behind the curtain. The crowd of 30,000 was cheering his name. He stepped from the curtain when his music started. The ring announcer introduced him as he held the WWE World Heavyweight title high above his head.]

[Reverend Insincere looked out upon his congregation. He had been portrayed as a victim in the media and now it had payed off. He glanced at his diamond and gold watch, then above at the glass ceiling of his megachurch. The cameras began rolling for his weekly program, and he led his flock in prayer.]

[Dr. Heinrich Von Fate approached the podium. He shook the hand of the Swiss president, who placed the Nobel Peace prize around his neck. He had done the impossible--- using the basement as his model, he had negotiated peace between Palestine and Israel. Dr. Fate addressed the crowd.]

"EHUHUEHEHEHEHEHUEHUE WORSHIP ME YOU FUCKS!"

[The Turk grimaced at his contestant. Despite speaking little English, he had found success as the host of Japan's number one cooking competition. With sadistic challenges such as "present five rat-based dishes," and "make a soufflé while a naked man stares at you," he was Japan's hottest sensation. Mostly his viewers enjoyed watching him scream at people in an incomprehensible language. He doesn't understand why they can't make a proper falafel. He yells at the contestant who has presented a fine French tartar.]

Subtitles: IS NO FALAFEL! IS SUSHI!

[Candi looked up from her desk. Her PHD hung proudly in the frame behind her. She finished
writing up her latest breakthrough in sociology. A knock at the door informed her it was time to go on for her second job. After all, student loans are tough.]

"Ladies and gentlemen, here's our own Dr. Candi! She's got a PHD in Pretty Hard Dicks, and she's got the perfect medicine for what ails you!" Says the announcer as "Dr. Feelgood" plays in the strip club.

[Baron Happleblap stood before Nacho's grave. He had brought to justice the people he felt were responsible and had been instrumental in the prosecutions' case. He nodded sagely. Vengeance never felt sweeter.]

[And so this brings our tale of uncouth to an end. To the dead, the survivors, and the spectators, remember--- politeness is important.]

[Serene2]

Oh dear oh dear. Serenes, I don't see the full role PMs anywhere. Could you post them please? The PRs were great and led to lots of laughs.

"Good," says Lady Serene. "That would be a most... Polite thing to do."

i c wut u did there.

Might have to wait till I get home, that's a lot of copy pasting from a phone lol

-kuribo

[Serene2]

Dead PT
Masonry PT
Mafia PT
Mod PT

[Serene2]

Role PMs are in the Mod PT.